Next Week, on The Guiding Leash

With their yearlong, multimillion-dollar divorce nearly finalized, Francis and Foofy Finklestein divide their remaining property: three boxes of paper clips and a Yanni CD. Winner gets the paper clips.

Meanwhile, Melanie Boogerwiper confronts shady blackmailer Emil von Waffle, who claims to have photographic proof that Melanie once owned an entire set of the “Police Academy” movies.

And in a secluded room at the No Names Please Motel on the edge of town, forbidden lovers Lance and Sheila engage in a stimulating discussion on the unknowable nature of the cosmos…

Via Petteri Sulonen.


This Week, on The Guiding Leash

Jessica Van Pooter, who survived a plunge through a plate glass window into a flaming mine shaft onto a cache of explosives and is basically just a brain in a jar clinging to life at this point, confronts her husband Reginald about his overdue library fees…

Furious that he did not inherit his father’s priceless collection of first edition Bazooka Joe comics, the scheming Kirk Banderspackle plots his revenge…

And meanwhile, Taffeta Pennyfeather shocks her twin sister Crinoline by revealing her secret affair with Brock Kittayne.


Next Week, on The Guiding Leash

Candice Flargstyne’s insistence on attending Cousin Maynard’s funeral shocks her family, especially Cousin Maynard, who keeps yelling to be let out of the coffin.

Meanwhile, blackmailer Loretta Sneer threatens Griff Blanson’s meteoric rise in the Pupublican Party by claiming to have proof he was once nice to a poor person.

And in the tumultuous Baffleslacker household, Timmy and Tiffany attempt to escape their evil foster parents by shipping themselves to their mother in prison.

The Guiding Leash is a Raychael L. production.

This Week, on The Guiding Leash

In a shocking development, Reginald Van Snord, believed to have been accidentally shot, stabbed, poisoned, drowned, impaled, electrocuted, decapitated, poisoned again, and eaten by crocodiles which were in turn eaten by piranhas, returns to reclaim his family’s vast median-strip real estate holdings.

Meanwhile, Sheila Crackleflacker, under pressure from the Amish Mafia to repay her gambling debts, agrees to rent her vital organs for scientific experiments.

And a tearful Emma Bunnyslipper bravely confronts Blake Drake, the cad who savagely chewed Emma’s twin sister Abigail in Tangiers.

This is Eloise. She is a Chihuahua puppyluv. Shot by Christy @

This Week, on The Guiding Leash

Horst reveals to Ophelia that, due to a series of clerical mishaps, he is his own daughter. Meanwhile, the ruthless Ruth Less tightens her grip on the family’s vast cotton-candy plantations. And in a motel across town, the love triangle between Mark, Bob, and Zelda takes a shockingly literal turn…

I swear, Amy F., the filth on TV these days… Pass me another bonbon, willya?

Next Week, on The Guiding Leash

Dr. Flangstone reveals to Jessica that her sex-change reversal surgery has left her legally genderless. Meanwhile, aspiring evil real estate tycoon Blake van Drake accidentally forecloses on a casino and turns it into a day-care center.

While across town, in the sanguine Boogerman household, young Timmy Boogerman begins to suspect that he may have been adopted…

OK, the real story, from the Daily Breeze: A dog rescue volunteer took home an added bonus with her chihuahua mom and pups — an orphan kitten who started to nurse right along with his new brothers and sisters.

Next Week, on The Guiding Leash…

As the ruthless Imelda Chisel finally consolidates her grip on the family salad oil refineries, she learns that her lover, the handsome Brock Lancer, is in reality her half-nephew Ygnatz Leibowitz.  Meanwhile, at Generally Specific Hospital, Louise Slobberfloss, awaiting her life-saving double brain-bypass operation, tearfully confesses her darkest secrets to her husband Jürgen, for what may be the very last time…

Of course, if the operation is a success, I go back to denying everything.

The Guiding Leash is an Alida W. production.

Next week, on The Guiding Leash…

Jameson confesses his true love to Giselle, but refuses to seek a divorce from Jacki, who is undergoing delicate brain surgery by the brilliant but unpredictable Dr. Hugo Hankershlaffer.  Meanwhile, Steve and Randolph must explain to Violet, Steve’s fiancée, how the two of them came to be arrested by park rangers while wearing only fishnet stockings and scuba gear.

And in the tranquil Schlongermann household, Clarence begins to suspect that young Clarence Jr. might not be his…

What tipped you off, Sherlock?

Pass the bon-bons, Lucy L!