You Nose I Love You

They look down their noses at us two
And say we’re too diverse
But dog and cat can share love true
For better or for worse

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To me, our strange forbidden love
Smells sweetly as a rose
We may not see eye to eye
But we do see nose to nose

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Bottom photo via Reddit.

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I can’t help having luxurious, full-bodied fur. I owe it all to nature — and to DogPoo™, the shampoo made just for dogs. I DogPoo once a day, to keep my coat silky-soft, with the unique fragrance only DogPoo can provide.

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Via Reddit.

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Thursday, 11:25 AM: My partner and I were working the day watch out of Homicide when the call came in. It was Kimba, the White Lion. Once a beloved TV star, now lying on the cold tile of his Brentwood ranch house. The coroner had already pronounced him sleepy when we arrived. Our job: get busy with the Sharpies.

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“Here is Zuri taking a nap with his dog buddies Donald the poodle and Lana the Lab,” says sender-inner Therese C. (Apologies to Jack Webb again.)

The Amazing Pizza Exercise Plan!

Need to give your dog a workout? Just take some pizza to the top of a slide and watch her try to get it!

Ah, That “New Purse” Smell

There’s really nothing like it — that sublime scent of hand-rubbed leather, fresh from the department store. Within a few weeks, it will be compromised with the faint odors of breath mints and lipstick (and for some reason sea bass) , but right now, it’s time for a whiff…

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What to do when there’s no pillow to be found, via Pat (Clench) Williams.

How Much Does This Thing Eat, Anyway?

It’s like a bottomless milk pit or something! I’ve got places to be, y’know?

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The C.O. Guide to Boudoir Photography

When done well, boudoir photography creates a special souvenir for a lady to share with her loved one, and cherish herself as she slowly withers and ages. Let’s look at examples of correct and incorrect posing techniques:

Correct: This pose is refined, demure, capturing the subject in a tender moment of relaxation. The coquettish expression conveys a hint of sly mischief: How dare you linger in a lady’s private chambers? it seems to say.

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Incorrect: Overly revealing poses are to be avoided, as they may result in later embarrassment to the subject, angry unannounced visits from husbands and boyfriends, and in some jurisdictions, legal action requiring a hasty relocation to Europe.

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Sender-inner Laurie D. says “Godiva the greyhound was feeling the winter chill so she got a coat which she thought was very weird at first, and then she LOVED it! Snuggly coats for the win!”

I Didn’t Do It

Whatever it was, I didn’t do it. Or that other thing, either. Those bite marks on your sneakers? Those were, um, raccoons. The trash all over the lawn? Aliens. Big green ones. That mysterious activity in your charge account? I’m gonna go with North Korea. Or maybe Anonymous — man, those guys are good.

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How can this Tuxedo Pitbull Puppy not make you smile?” asks Adam Rifkin.

“Fetch the Stick” is for Wimps

Us bigger dogs like to play “Fetch the Sticks.” Throw me a handful and I’m a happy dog. Heck, I’ll even fetch the whole tree, if someone would throw one.

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“This is what an addiction to fetch looks like,” notes Redditor Theodora Rex.

Bachelor Number One, Pretend I’m a Luscious Lollipop. What Would You Do To Me?

Firtht, we would thtand on a beacth, tho I could thake the thime to apprethiate your thylith extherior, thavoring the thight of your thlightly theer wrapper, thassily thinthed like a thort thkirt athop your thlender thtick.

Nexth, I would thlowly athisst you as you thed your thingth, thending them thailing across the thand, and you thtood thatuesthqe and thtill ath my eyeth thoaked in every inchth of your thiny, thleek, thenthuouthly thticky thkin.

After that, I’m not thure. Any thuggethtionth?

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Via Mariposa Veterinary Wellness Center.

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