The Lurking Fiend

Dear Diary: The stranger came again. Night after night he challenges me in the hallway, cloaked in the shade of darkness, growing ever taller before my astonished eyes. I stand frozen in place, afraid to speak or move, yearning only for the calm of morning when I may again bask in the warm illusion that I alone am master of this domain. Yet every sundown he is there to mock and scorn, imitating my every move. “Begone, vile specter!” I cry in vain, but the silent brute lingers. I fear that madness soon may be upon me.

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Via Flickr-er pslee999.

I Feel Your Pain, Dawg…

They missed an easy kick, and now they’ll never beat the point spread!

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Via Redditor twosnapsup.

You Mock Superman?

It is not wise to mock Superman. My super-ears can detect your suppressed giggles even over hundreds of miles. I might freeze you with my super-cooling breath, or fry you with my super-heat vision. Or perhaps I may flatten you beneath the weight of my super-pounce, or fling you across the room with one flick of my super-tail. But no, I am Superman. I use my super-powers only for good. Therefore, I shall merely throw you some super-shade.

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“Just moved into a new apartment. This is my neighbor,” says Redditor aletati.

It’s Amazing How They Recognize Words

“Hey, Jasper — you want to go for a walk? Maybe to the park? Where you can chase the ducks? Then we can drive to Vegas? And pawn Daddy’s ring? Then do lots of shots? And pass out in an alley? Then wake up in Mexico?”

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All Capped Out

Sorry, coach — I’d like to play ball, but I need a seventh-inning stretch.

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No, Really, It’s… Lovely

I’ve always wanted one of… whatever these things are. Thank you.

(I look like a Gregorian spaceman in this thing!)

Via Maja Dumat.

Peter Pan: The Early Years

When little Wendy was first born, Nana was apprehensive at the beginning, until someone explained to her that “nursemaid” was just an expression.

Via Reddit.

I Mall Tuckered Out!

Every winter solstice, shopping is a hot topic, and my feet feel like hot kohls! The carts jostle like an old navy fleet of some banana republic, pushed by old fossils tickled pink to payless and save a few penneys on staples! I’d like to hide in a foot locker, or maybe Pandora’s box, but I guess I’ll crawl into this gap and sleep like a bebe.

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“She didn’t even make it through the front door,” notes Redditor IRaiseGuideDogs.

All Along the Watchtower

All along the watchtower, bite marks did appear
But who or what did put them there, we’ll never know, we fear
Outside in the cold distance, a puppeh’s tummy did growl
Suppertime was approaching, and the pup began to howl

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Via Canine to Five.

Take Me to Mercy General Stuffed Animal Hospital, Driver!

… and step on it! (Oh, I just hope the doctors can repair the bite marks in my beloved Flopsy!)

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Via Reddit.

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