Every time I see her, I just can’t look away. I try to tell myself I’m over her, but then I see that face, those eyes… and that’s when I say to hell with the restraining order…
Here I am, my darling! I’ve missed you so much — did you miss me, too? I got so worried when you didn’t answer my last 47 letters that I just had to see you…
Wait, who’s this? Not him again! I thought I told you to stay away from him! Can’t you see he’s no good for you? He’ll never love you the way that I love you! Never!
Yes, just the two of us now… Oh, my sweet, how I’ve longed for this moment to come once more… to gaze into those faraway eyes, to kiss those full pouting lips, ohhhharrghthphth hrrarghtphht slobber slobber mmmghpth hmrrphth…
It’s called “Delirious,” essence of rotting leaves with just a hint of dead squirrel. The saleslady at Macy’s spritzed me with some, and I just had to have it!
And the winner is… Muffy! Basset Hound! Congratulations! Muffy will be receiving a free wall and desk calendar for her correct answer. I think the schnozzle gave it away.
This little morsel is so small and delectabuhl.
What will he grow up to be? A collie? A German Shepherd? A Chihuahua? A Free Cute Overload 2010 calendar to the first correct answer in the comments!
Debra D., don’t tell anyone what the real answer is… By the way, you can look inside the calendars here…
“Oh, that’s it, pal — I am so biting you! You’re in for a chomping, mister! Prepare yourself for the unforgiving wrath of my jaws, ’cause here it comes! OK, I’m really gonna let you have it! Just wait until I sink my fangs into your fuzzy little head, pencil-neck! You’ll rue the day you were pollinated! All right, no more practice chomps–it’s slobberin’ time! You want a piece of this, well do ya? ‘Cause you’re gettin’ it! Oh, don’t think I won’t do it! Knock-knock! Who’s there? Biting! Biting who? Biting you, starting now! I really mean it this time! You’re getting the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth! The next thing you’re gonna taste will be the bittersweet kiss of calcium death, with a saliva chaser! Oh, don’t even think about running away! Stand up and take what’s eventually coming to you!”
Rule 1: Don’t Go Upstairs. Serial killers love to hide in attics, belfrys, cupolas — anyplace that can be reached by a long, slow climb up an endless flight of stairs.
We traced the calls, Cheng L. — they’re coming from inside the house!!
It happens about once or twice a year, so you’d think I’d be used to it. But, no. At least I can recognize the triggers now. You know, if someone says something about fishing or back flips, then I know it’s coming. I’ve stopped trying to hide; it’s no use. Always just a matter of time before she pops in “On Golden Pond” and dresses me up like Henry Fonda.
At least you’re over your “Tootsie” phase, Glenna M.
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