The Dog Did It

"Touch nothing!" ordered Inspector LaFlange as he entered the study.  In the room were the bodies of T. Randolph Flosswinkle, billionaire inventor of sonar-guided nose-hair clippers, and his top accountant, Bryce Porterhouse. Immediately, the Inspector’s keen senses picked up the scent of foul play. "This was no accident," he declared.  "This case has the unmistakable odor — OF MURDER!"

If you took me off that high-fiber dog food, these things wouldn't happen.

Do NOT go in there, Stacy C.

How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?

I wanna be the first dog to piddle on the moon!Now, I was told there'd be an in-flight movie...

Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.

"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)

But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:

Hrrphth mrrpth ith glurrphtth! Fancy a spot of sherry in the officer's club, old bean? Workers arise! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
President-for-life, Spanielvania
N-no c-c-coffee for m-me, th-thanks... I've ... SEEN things. (shudder) Lick that fur, soldier! You're a disgrace to this cat's Army!
Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball

Simon’s Sister’s Dog is “Fed up”

From the fabu animator Simon Tofield who brought you the Simon’s Cat series, here is another installment ;)

Kim S. says all of Simon’s videos are here, and the official site is here. :D

Chapter 27: Showdown in the Moonlight

Later that evening, Rosalie lingered with Hector on the veranda.  He was silent as usual, his lush brown eyes locked upon some distant horizon that only his heart could know.  She had learned not to disturb these moods, but tonight she yearned more than ever to reach him.

I feel I owe you people an apology:  Hundreds of posts since June...

"Please tell me what you’re feeling," she whispered.  As always, there was no reply, only the unblinking, haunted stare that masked untold heartbreak and madness.  Her aching for him was greater now than she had ever known, and slowly, hesitantly, she lowered her face to him.

...and I haven't dropped one F-bomb.  Maybe it's age, or upbringing...

It was only a flutter at first, a brief sensation as her lips brushed against his, but it felt like forbidden fire coursing through her entire body.  Drunk with passion, she pressed her mouth ever more urgently to his, desperately seeking some sign, some ray of hope that he hungered for her as well.

...but I owe you more than excuses; I owe you mean-spirited

But there was no hint of validation from his warm yet unyielding eyes, and Rosalie felt her passion turn to anger.  "Well, I hope you’re proud ofth yourthelfth!" she blurted.  "All thith thime I waitedth for you, praying thath you could thare my feelingth!  And now, ifth you’ll let go of my thounge, I’m leaving you fthorever!"

And I solemnly pledge to you that I will be more frick'in vulgar in 2009.

Pass the Kleenex, Molly C.

Wow, There’s A Book For Everything These Days

Apparently, you can now buy a book that tells you how to operate yourself.  And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Borders to pick up a copy of "The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Complete Idiots."

Wait -- I have to do WHAT in the bushes?

I see you’ve mastered "Sender-Innering for Dummies," Brandi W.

GROANNNN

"Take a good look America!" "Take a good look, WORLD!" and "If THEY can get along, what’s OUR excuse!?"

What do these phrases and "Pack their Derms(?!)" have in common? They can all be heard on this smarm-a-thon CBS News video below. Why does every news bit with an animal have to be so DOGGONE lame?

Everyone and their BROTHER has sent this in, and the reporter’s cheesy stylin’ had kept me from posting it. So, now that you have my caveat. Watch it. I WASH MY HANDS!

I’m washing them again, Johanna S.

P.S. Extra points if you can point out MORE eye-roll-worthy phrases!

Legends of Folk Music, Part Six

From their 1958 debut at the Nosepick Hollow Folk Festival, The Happenin’ Hoedown Hipsters kept audiences’ toes a’tapping with a crowd-pleasing mix of folk standards tinged with modern jazz influences. The 1962-65 lineup, pictured here, included Farquard Mandlebroot, lead beagle and vocals; Stanley Burbleson, coyote and harmonica; Roger "Biff" Burbleson, rhythm beagle and vocals; and Doris McGinty, bass mutt.

THANK YOU, BALTIMORE!

An’a one, an’a two, Anna L.

Pinup Pup (NSFW)

Sender-inner Justine S. noticed how much her pet Chihuahua, Boo Radley, posed like the famous pinup photograph of Marilyn Monroe.  We’ll get to the comparison in a moment, but first…

WARNING: The following post contains nudity, including naked female human boobies, which may, if improperly viewed, cost you your job, transform your innocent children into drooling sex maniacs, get you fined by the FCC, and generally hasten the collapse of American civilization. VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK!

NOOOO!!  DANGER!! TURN BACK!!  DON'T DO IT!!

The Puppendential Debate ’09 Rages On

Watch hard-hitting McAnchorPants Jon Stewart and Anderson Cooper take on the #1 concern in America:

Who will be the next First Dog?

We know your thoughts on the topeek. Check what these guys have to say:

I vote for the ‘Tock-sniffing Protester, Lorien.

The Bikini Inspector Has Spoken

"Oh, oh, I don’t think so.

You are NOT wearing that out are you?

Turn around." [motions with paw]

Bikini_inspector_2

[suspicious head tilt] "Oh no, no no no no."

Bikini_inspector

Danielle L., THIS is what happens if you don’t listen to the inspector: Aieee!

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