According to CNN, the White House on Thursday was swarmed with annoying, buzzing insects. No, not the press corps–bees! Secret Service beekeepers rounded up the unusual suspects, and luckily our C.O. cameras were there to photograph the perp walk:
… high atop the Hyannis Hyatt, the happening hot spot where the elite meet to greet. My name’s Nick Chewtoy, and I’ll be entertaining you this evening. Like to start off with a little number, kind of a personal favorite of mine, called “Stardust.” Hope you like it…
It is the highest military honor the nation of Dogsylvania can bestow–so rare, in fact, that only 17 in the nation’s history have received it. One such hero was Corporal Eucephalus “Winky” Gorbschobble, who, without hesitation or regard for his own survival, attacked and disabled an entire squadron of letter carriers from the enemy nation of Postmania, leading his captured comrades to safety.
And so, in accordance with Dogsylvania’s cherished military tradition, on a brisk autumn morning of September 17, 1946, and in the presence of an observer from the neighboring nation of Walkiestan, seven members of the 101st Bean Battalion paid tribute to Corporal Gorbschobble with a 21-poot salute.
Erm, might want to get downwind a ways, Tanguera.
Back again we go to the Daily Mail, this time for a story so incredible that the hoax hunters over at snopes.com stepped up to verify it: The story of Jasmine, a rescued greyhound who has returned the favor by serving as surrogate mom to 50 creatures, ranging from puppies to deer.
“She simply dotes on the animals as if they were her own,” says Geoff Grewcock, operator of Nuneaton and Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary. “She takes all the stress out of them and it helps them to not only feel close to her but to settle into their new surroundings.”
Pictured with Jasmine are, from left: A pup, a deer, another pup, a bunny, and a barn owl. Not pictured: A unicorn, The Yeti, an alien face-hugger, Wally Gator, Phil Spector’s hair, The Chicago Cubs, and Abe Vigoda.
Sthender-Inner Alex S. says: “This is Benny! He’s part chihuahua, part something else (I think terrier)!” – OK!
People! Shut up! I have an announcement to make! [Whistling sound]
We’ve made some improvements to the site! And I’m not just talking about centering the logo!
Can I get a drumroll for:
- Slightly larger imagery! We’re talking 12 percent larger!
- Less craptacular content in the sidebars!
- Improved Typography!
- New “Top 4 Popular posts” feature!
- Easier-to-find Glossary!
- About Us and Contact Us pages!
Got feedback? send it our way! Thanks for all the great feedback!
"What, you think it’s easy to look menacing while you’re dangling from piano wire with some 300-pound Teamster at the other end? Try it sometime, pal!"
"But do people remember? No, it’s Dorothy this, and Scarecrow that, and those lousy, stinking Munchkins…"
"Oh, don’t get me started on the Munchkins. Every frickin’ day, running around the commissary singin’ ‘Ding-dong, the witch is dead,’ only they ain’t usin’ the word ‘witch,’ if you get my drift…"
"… wild parties every night in their trailer, and the next morning? Passed out drunk on the set."
"No sense of professionalism, none whatsoever. Not like us."
If they only had a clue, Tanguera.
ITEM TYPE: Artifact — Container
EFFECTS: Target creature is confined for remainder of melee round. May be reversed by invoking Rope Toy of Stringiness, Annoying Duck of Quacking, and Fuzzy Bee of Squishiness.