Night of the HUMANS!

Coming soon to this theater: NIGHT OF THE HUMANS!  Witness the blood-curdling terror of marauding humans and their ghoulish hunger for DOGGIE BRAINS!  Nothing can stop these mindless beasts as they comb the countryside, fiendishly feasting on furry flesh!

SEE! Terriers terrorized!  SEE! Dachshunds devoured!  SEE! Mastiffs masticated!  Due to the shocking graphic nature of this film, children under 17 will not be admitted without a ticket!  See NIGHT OF THE HUMANS — in gut-wrenching 3-D Snorg-O-Vision!

Well, I really wasn't using it anyway, so...

Let’s schnack on a schnauzer, Stacey S.

Must be pledge week at Monkey U

Bro!—not everyone is Alpha Tau Omega material. You gotta, like, earn it. [Adjust baseball cap and spits chew into cup]

Prove your loyalty by taunting baby tigers, endure paddling by your Big Brother, successfully wrestle Brother Tacker naked in the jello kiddie pool and come back to the House with a girl’s panties by midnight TONIGHT!

[Secret handshake] Please, Xenia V., may we have another?

Extended monkeying here.

and here.

Encore Presentayshe: SING IT, WHITNEY!

This is an encore presentayshe of Christian the Lion. This version has Whitney Houston belting it out in the background, timed perfectly with the lion leap is just *too moshe* to handle.

Joanna A., I wish a local vicar would let ME play on his field. Oh, and I will always love you.

Please Do Not Climb the Otter

Welcome, welcome one and all, to Minnesota’s Fergus Falls!

Home of The Otters!

We got otter football, otter softball, otter pops, otter sculpture…
Big_Otter_Fergus_Falls

…oh fer cryin.  We got otter tourists.  [sigh]
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Not to be too smug, but how jealous are our friends at CuteOtters.com now, eh??  Grins.

FYI: Petite mohawked monkey OWNS YOUR SOUL

[sucking thumb + bamboo strand]

Here’s the deal.

I’m a golden-haired, mini mohawk-sporting, teeny-nostrilled monkeh.

And I own your soul. all of it! All. FYI.

Cutestmonkey

Ooh-ooh-ah-ah, Sparkling T.!

I was told this would be banana-scented.

The Monkey Spa service has really gone downhill.  [eye roll]


Bathtime., originally uploaded by helping hands.

I distinctively smell lavender. [Bleeeeeeeaaaahhhh]


Tastes like soap., originally uploaded by helping hands.

Ooh ooh, ah ah, Michelle Q.!

THIS JUST IN: Iowa pet rescutes

Man, Iowa is having a TOUGH time. The people, pets, everything. It is rough.

Thankfully, the Humane Society is on the scene, heroically saving pets from precarious situations, providing safety, shelter and reuniting folks with their ani-pals…

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[Dog is all ‘Baroo!?!’]

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[Kitties are all Pfffffffft!-pffffft!]

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Get an emergency plan together for your pets! Donate here to Humane Society Flood Fund!

You’re having a better Father’s Day than this monkey

The primary responsibilities of Marmoset monkey Dads are to schlep the kids around, chomp through bark for midnight sap snacks, and teach  the kids manners (throwing poop joke here.)

These twinmarmosets were born last year at the Bronx Zoo to three-year-oldmom, Squirt, and seven-year-old dad, King. I think Squirt’s somewhere getting a mani-pedi right now.

Capt3751b8a969dd4039b02840a1905c63c

Thanks, Brinkie G.!

Plain or sugar cone?

I’ll take one scoop/dip of Macaque Attack, please.

Co_monkey_cone

Way to gerhe, Linda M.!!!

Three-way monkey snorgle

Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!

See no evil, snorgle no evil. Er, something.

Untitled

Brinke to the Guth, roight on.

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