Now, as You Can See by This Next Chart…

… ferret one represents first quarter shipments of rotary knobule bippulators, ferret two represents population growth seasonally cross-averaged with toenail density, and ferret three represents the weight differential of three quarts of Miracle Whip on the surface of Mars. Any questions?

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Photo taken at the National Black-footed Ferret Conservation Center in northern Colorado, where the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service leads a captive breeding and recovery program where this endangered species is bred and preconditioned for release into the wild. Photo Credit: Ryan Moehring / USFWS

Did We Do a “Shut Down All Garbage Smashers on the Detention Level!” Joke Yet?

Wait, we did? Dang it.

Well, here it is again, this time with actual garbage.

ESaSyRs

Via Reddit.

This Is One of Those “Funny” Donuts, Isn’t It?

(sigh) No frosting, no sprinkles, no sugar… and those funny little seeds that get stuck in my front teeth. You just couldn’t have dropped something from Krispy Kreme, could you?

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My Morning Bagel, by Jesse Millan.

Who Keeps Ringing the Doorbell?!

“It’s that cat again, I’ll bet you anything. Stupid punk kid…”

“Well, it’s not the birds from the next tree. Looks like they flew south.”

“Um, there’s a bunch of people looking at us on a website right now. Maybe they saw something.”

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Via James Havard.

A Cat and Mouse Game

… and for the 3,749th time, Masie Mouse beat her friend Molly Marmie in hide-and-go-seek.

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Via Reddit.

Cute Overload: Now 100% Chinch-Powered!

Ladies and gentlemen, Cute Overload is proud to announce that its web servers are now powered by 100% natural chinchillas! Totally organic, zero carbon footprint, and very low emissions (unless he’s had broccoli for lunch).

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I Love the Classics

Right now, I’m reading David Copperfieldmouse, the gripping Victorian tale of an orphan who is abandoned at birth, adopted by strangers, kidnapped by ruffians, shipwrecked at sea, menaced by sharks, kidnapped by different ruffians, pursued by wolves, kidnapped from the second ruffians by the first ruffians — and that’s just chapter one!

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Via polimaslo.

I Got No Strings on Me

“I mean, everyday it’s just the same old routine: Climb down the tree, forage for nuts, climb up the tree, go to sleep, do it again. And I ask myself, is that all there is? Do I get any choice here? How about you; you ever get that feeling you weren’t in control of your own life?”

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The backstory on this picture is really touching, so take a look.

I’m Bustin’ Outta This Joint, See?

First, I’m gonna do my Tom Cruise-dangling-from-the-ceiling bit as I break outta this cage, then take the elevator to the basement, sneak past the guards, hop in a getaway vehicle, and bust through the wall! Meanwhile, Doctor Who will tell you how I manage to pull it off!

From the BBC via The Mary Sue.

This Meeting of the Loyal Order of Hamster Wizards Will Now Come to Order

Thank you. Before we move on to new business, I want to remind you that brother Harfurt Fizzywigg’s workshop on charms and incantations in the defense against cats has been moved to Mondays.

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Now then, it has come to our attention that certain members have been using the spell of fructus amplifico in Mrs. McGinty’s vegetable garden again. Not only does this unauthorized use of magic threaten to expose our secret order, but Mrs. McGinty nearly tripped on a twenty-foot carrot. So it won’t happen again — right, brother Bumblefogg?

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Via TTsuruda.

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