You gotta carry ‘em somewhere.

You gotta carry ‘em somewhere-HANCE

Says Sender-Inner Cheri: “Here is a picture of two baby guinea pigs in my rack! And guess what, they’re up for adoption! (The pigs, not the rack) We rescued a guinea pig who was pregnant, does anyone in LA want an adorable baby guinea pig?” Well, do you!?

Meet Captain Pennywhistle, whose owners, Becky and David, discovered her talent for sculpture when they gave her an extra-large cracker for a treat.  A couple of days later, they found the partially-eaten cracker in her cage.

“I think it looks exactly like a chipmunk!” says Becky. “We’re considering selling it on eBay.”

This week, on “Lifestyles of the Prosh and Redonkulous,” we visit Monteigh Hall, home of toenail-clipper heiress Lady Propecia Monteigh Phipps-Gargle.

The stately mansion overlooking the Floofitania River, home to generations of her ancestors, is currently under the exacting watch and care of this dynamic doyenne.

From hosting gala balls, to her designer shoelace empire, to romantic getaways with princes and movie stars, this jet-setter is always on the move and in the know.

But her most important role is doting mother.  Here we join Lady Propecia during her weekly visit with daughter Phoebe, cared for by her faithful nanny Hannah.

And finally, we bid farewell to Lady Propecia in her boudoir.  “This is where my heart is,” she explains, “where I unwind from the stress of my impossibly perfect life.”

Absolutely fabulous, Melanie H.

Tonight’s gripping tale of terror weaves a sinister web of mistaken identity, espionage, greed, double-parking … and murder.  An innocent bed of lettuce becomes a deathbed in a little story entitled… Ham Sandwich.

Submitted for your approval*, Sabrina C.  (* Yeah, I know — that was the other guy.)

Did you hear?! First she did the walk of shame, then she passed out in a slipper!!! OMG!

Jessica P. don’t let any of the blogs know!

[chipmonnk voice] “Oh, were you gonna eat this?”

Surely you can spare one, Julia G.?

Damn hamsters are always ME ME ME!

Stephanie W., I hope things improve.

…Because you’ve seen Hilda’s ears, right? It’s like two furry Venus Flytraps just sprouted out of  her head – oh, poo! Sweetie, did I not mention that I needed a French manicure today –anyway, I mean, Hilda has a cute face…it it weren’t for those pipe cleaners she calls whiskers. It’s like, ‘What, did a 5-year-old invent you?’

By the way, how do my brows look? It’s like the one thing Hilda does right, you know?

Um, no. I did not ask for two “creepy cocoons” to be placed above my eyes. Where is Hilda. I need to speak with her.

You could just use Chunk’s whiskers as Q-Tips, Deidra L.

Oh, noooooo! Mr. Stripey has fallen into the Pit of Ultimate Sorrow!  Don’t move, Mr. Stripey — I’ll be right back with a rope and a cable news crew!

Has “Smudge” met our resident hustler, Chris G.?

I’m an old cowham, just a-riding ’round the land
Got a toothpick in my mouth and a lasso in my hand
Gotta round up all the piggies, keep an eye out for the strays,
‘Cuz they’s orn’ry little critters, runnin’ every which-a-ways.

So it’s chase ‘em down and land ‘em, tie ‘em up and brand ‘em,
Some days ya gotta love ‘em, and others ya can’t stand ‘em.
Gotta drive ‘em cross the prairie, forty mile to get your pay,
Then we spend it all in town, chompin’ corn and brocc-a-lay…

Yo-de-layyyyyy… yee-haaaayyyy… de-hooooooo!

Guinea Pig Rodeo ~ Piórko & poor Balbinka by pyza*