I Just Feel So… Drained

I’m just limp as a noodle. Every day on the colander feels strainer and strainer. Oh well, I’ll just pasta time away here.

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Via Russell Bernice.

The Meowchant of Venice

Hath not a Mew eyes? Hath not a Mew paws, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, whiskers? If you prick us, do we not whap? If you tickle us, do we not look annoyed? If you… actually, this is all just a roundabout way of asking: Are we having ham for dinner?

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Transcendental Observation

Looking for greater personal power over your life? Then call Werner Gufinov, the world’s only out-of-body life coach! Werner’s unique coaching methods let you see yourself as you really are — and if that doesn’t inspire you to straighten up and take control over your life, then nothing will!

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“This is Bentley with his arm around Batman, seemingly conspiring with him against Violet down the stairs,” says Christine.

Body Slam!

… and now Captain Feisty tries to pin The Spotted Dynamo… perfectly-executed leg hold there, but the Dynamo refuses to budge… and now he’s going for the face hold! Definitely saw some biting there, I think the referee missed… WHOA! Decisive smackdown by the Spotted Dynamo! And this — match — is — over, ladies and gentlemen!

And Now Let’s Go to “Captain” Tom Nom in the Cute Overload Traffic Helicopter!

“Thank you, Mimsy. Right now I’m flying over Rancho Cucahuenga, and we’re looking at a four-kitten pile-up just before the Slauson cutoff.”

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Flashback Friday: What’s For Lunch?

MMMMMMMMMM, Kittehs!

From 1914: “Kittens in costume at picnic lunch.” Photo by Harry W. Frees. (Shorpy McShorpersons.)

I Hope You Realize This Means War

For agonizing, eternal minutes, she and the interloper merely stared at one another, each afraid to move or speak. At last, the visitor found his courage, stepped forward, and offered the traditional greeting of his people:

“PPPTHHHHHTHTHBBBTHHHTHHHHHPPPPPPPTH!”

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“This is Popcorn the Cat facing off one of the many Cincinnati city deer that wondered into my neighbor’s yard. I like to think she was protecting our garden,” says Tawny W.

The Cute Overload Guide to Surviving a Comcast Telephone Cancellation Request

Start of call: The representative seems courteous and helpful, and merely has a few questions to assist with the cancellation process. Although the questions appear unduly personal, you may ease any stress of the experience by looking at this picture of a smiling tiger cub clouded leopard.

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Minute six: Although theoretically willing to assist with the cancellation, the representative is concerned that your desire to abandon such a caring, loving service may be due to latent feelings of resentment of one or both parents, and suggests weekly therapy along with a complimentary 20 Mbps upgrade. During this phase, you may need to gaze at this bunny for strength.

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Minute eighteen: Now sobbing into his mouthpiece, the representative demands to know, to learn, to feel the reasons why you have chosen to break the heart of this fine service that exists only to serve you. Was it that one time the Game of Thrones season finale got all blocky? That wasn’t our fault, dammit! During this phase, hide all sharp objects and secure any firearms you may own. This kitten represents your last best chance to retain your sanity. Good luck.

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The inspiration for this post, if you need it.

Let’s See What’s On Craigslist

ROOM FOR RENT: Furnished room available in luxury birdhouse. Quiet neighborhood, close to park, shopping, birdbath, etc. Ideal tenant should enjoy cats, reggae music, and being eaten. Ideal short-term housing for transient with no family or connections in area. Inquire in person.

  • cats are OK — purrr
  • dogs are OK — wooof
  • birds are OK — chomp

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What’s Cooking?

“Aw, youse ladies should not have to see this. Breaks me tender heart, it does. Poor Gertrude, cut down in the prime of her years, and for what? Shake ‘n Bake! Ain’t no justice in this world, is there, Charlie?”

“That’s right! They won’t even share — er, I mean they don’t even care!”

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