Rule 1: Don’t Go Upstairs. Serial killers love to hide in attics, belfrys, cupolas — anyplace that can be reached by a long, slow climb up an endless flight of stairs.
We traced the calls, Cheng L. — they’re coming from inside the house!!
Are other peoples’ freedoms too much to handle? Then turn to Outrage, Inc., your one-stop source for manufactured outrage! Choose from a variety of specialized tantrums, or try our general-purpose “I’m Mad As Hell” package:
Want to be the death of the party? Our “Gloom and Doom” package will show you time-tested secrets to help you bring down any room in seconds!
Need to look down on others? Our “TechnoSnob” package will teach you the secret catchphrases that will make you sound just like a jaded expert!
So stop feeling irrelevant and ignored! Call Outrage, Inc. today, and start getting the attention you think you deserve!
Photos: Sad Scottish Fold by Stephanie R., flickr fan by BeccaG
Simon’s cat is getting into troubs again. Poor Simon, he just goes about his daily life, and his cat antagonizes him at every turn. This time, the Kitteh Terrorism involves… a heat lamp.
Nice day. Sun shining. Annoying dogs fetching. It just makes me…want…to…
...FEELING ALL THE BUMPERS, ALWAYS PLAYING CLEAN, HE PLAYS BY INTUITION, THE DIGIT COUNTERS FALL…THAT DEAF, DUMB, AND BLIND KID SURE PLAYS A MEAN PINBAAAALLLLL!
What, let me guess – you were expecting something from Cats? Please. I have way more depth than that.
Concerned citizens! Beware the growing scourge of our nation’s kitties: Pot addiction. This desperate craving plunges innocent kitties into a nightmare of depravity, squandering their youth in so-called “pot parties.” Parents, does your kitty have a pot habit? Look for these warning signs:
Preference for squeezing into round spaces instead of boxes;
Furtively reading gardening magazines;
An involuntary twitching at the words mulch, sphagnum, and photosynthesis.
Style.com is reporting that United Bamboo Designers Aoki and Pham created a kitty-size version of their new collection and shot the looks on actual cats. Check them out, they are making it WORK! [Tim Gunn voice]
Sure, this guy had always been on their Watch List, but when they received that anonymous tip suggesting they search his private office, they had no idea what they were in for. It was a startling find, and his intended list of targets was long:
Luckily, they had Dr. Lipschwitz on speed dial.
Don’t worry – McGruff is on the case, Effie. And, happy birthday.
YOU WILL JOIN THE TWITTER BANDWAGON Follow us!
Take a "One Second Break" with each tweet (we link to things like a picture of a paw pad or a close-up of a nose.) You won't be able to handle it!