She’s On My Spot

“(All right, stay calm. She’s on my spot, but it’s OK that she’s on my spot. Just because it’s my spot doesn’t mean I have to be upset that she’s on my spot, or even care she’s on my spot. There are other spots. Like this spot. Sure, it’s not my spot, but it’s almost as good as my spot. But she’s on my spot, so I’ll take this spot I happened to spot even though it’s not my spot. Which she’s on.)”

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Concentrated Cats from Laura D’Alessandro.

Rubbing Me the Wrong Way?

What a comically alien concept. There is no wrong way. Now, continue, slave…

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I’m Making My Own Costume!

Sheesh, every costume for kitties is “sexy” this and “sexy” that! This year the hot costume is “Sexy Ebola Nurse,” for Pete’s sake! Guess I’m rolling my own!

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And Now, The Halloween Gourmet

Good evening. When selecting just the right homes to visit, it may be wise to consider the dispensing container the homeowner has chosen. Is it a common household bowl? These may contain only garden-variety treats: Tootsie Rolls, Smarties, or worse, the dreaded $6.99 Wonka assortment.

However, if out host has employed a dispensing dish for the occasion, such as the promising jar to my right, then we may anticipate treats to satisfy the most discerning palate: rich cherry cordials, delicate nougats enveloped in fine Dutch chocolate…

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Alas, we are deceived; I detect the chalky odor of Neco Wafers. Which brings me to my next topic. When selecting eggs to pelt houses with…

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Via Bill & Vicki T.

I’m a Scary Halloween Ghost! Boo!

Oooooo, you’d better ru-u-u-u-un! Look at me floating, so sca-a-a-a-ary! Oooo-EEE-oooo, I’m coming for yo-o-o — yeah, okay, I just fell into some white stuff, trying to make it work for me, all right?

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If You Knew Sushi Like I Knew Sushi

I dress up as sushi, my favorite dish
I think it makes miso pretty
It just goes to shoyu, to look like a fish
Is delightful to most any kitty

Don’t provoke my tempura; it wouldn’t be right
Just respect my peculiar hobby
And if you sashimi this Halloween night
Feel free to come say “hey, wasabi?”

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Sushi Cat via pinguino k.

Oh Yeaaaaah, That’s the Spot…

Hold it right there… That’s purr-fect… Don’t move… Oh, I suppose you can’t move, can you?

Via Reddit.

C.O. Guide to Emergency Preparedness

For situations involving unrest by mice, birds, or other small animals, make sure your home has an Emergency Cat close at hand. The Emergency Cat should be located in a convenient drawer or cupboard, and checked periodically to make sure its batteries are charged.

“She’s positive this bathroom drawer was made for her,” says Redditor Earlyecho.

The Major Is Not Pleased

Balderstuff and poppyrot! It appears that my local chemist’s has depleted its supply of Whickham and Warwick’s Wildroot Wonder Whisker Wax! Now I shall be forced to attend the annual reunion dinner of the 51st North Southeasterwest Light Infantry looking like an unkempt assortment of discarded pipe cleaners! The outrage!

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“She can shoot laser beams from her moustache,” boasts Redditor threeswordstyle.

I Hate When This Happens

Man, I have the worst luck. I finally work up the courage to ask that nice Jeannine from Receivables on a date, and she actually said yes! So I pay $300 for front-row concert seats, and just as we’re on our way there, that’s when The Rapture happens. Now what am I supposed to do with this extra ticket?

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