Oh Swell, Now I’ll Need to Bring Back $5,000 Worth of Cat Food

This happens every time I take a road trip. Before I leave, I run down a mental list: Front door locked, check. Key with neighbor, check. Lights off, check. Plants watered, check. And then I’ll be halfway to where I’m going before I realize: I forgot to turn off the kitten replicator!

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Fail: It’s What’s For Dinner

Apparently, what this new-fangled fancy-pants food dispenser really needs to dispense is some wisdom.

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Via Daily Pics and Flicks.

The Fiend Beneath the Floor!

‘Twas later that evening that I heard the noises; a faint scratching, like of some small harmless insect seeking shelter, naught more. But then it grew, louder and more insistent, joined by a hideous rasp like nothing of this earth.

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“Demon! Torment me no longer!” I cried, clutching the amulet that Professor Witherspoon had entrusted to me. But the scratching grew ever louder, and the rasping voice, at first formless and incoherent, began to coalesce into human speech: “Feeeeeeed meeeeeee…”

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Via Francois Schnell.

Free Garlic Hairballs with Every Order!

When you want the hottest, freshest pizza fast, put down the dominoes and dial Parcheesi’s Pizza! Our patented process keeps your pizza at the purr-fect temperature!

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“Forgot to close the lid,” says Redditor k3vbomb.

Snorgler on the Orient Express

Agent Romanoff glanced furtively about. The man in the tortoise-shell glasses, pretending to read the paper — she’d seen him once before, in Tangiers. So they were onto her at last. There would be others, she knew, watching her every move. Now she would need her wits about her if she hoped to smuggle the kitten to Moscow for debriefing.

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Crash Test Cuties

Here at CuteLabs, our researchers work tirelessly to make kittens safer and more durable. In this slow-motion crash test, we see the benefits of CuteLabs’ patented BellehBuffer™ technology in helping these kittens survive a head-on collision.

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Tractor Full O’ Trouble

Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O
And on this farm he had a kitten, E-I-E-I-O
With a “meow meow” here, and a “hiss hiss” there,
And a “feed me” here, and a “change my litter box” there,
And a “I wanna go out” here, and a “I changed my mind let me back in” there…

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“I found this little girl in my garden yesterday. And then she had to go on and do this, so now I obviously have to keep her,” says Redditor ChanRancher.

Strong Am I With the Floof

A Jedi’s strength flows from the Floof. You must feel the Floof around you, between you, me, the tree, the rock, the carpeting (especially the carpeting)…

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“George caught using the Force,” via Redditor Egzo.

Attack-in-the-Box

All right, let’s make something clear: Out of all the shelter kitties, you chose me. And although I may bring certain, shall we say, baggage to the table, I expect nothing less than prompt attention to my needs: Meals on time, regular treats, a broad assortment of squeaky toys, and furniture I may claw at will. Now, do we understand one another…

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… or will you force me to unleash… HAROLD?

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“Our cat wasn’t too fond of our foster kitten but he loved the box she came in!” says Redditor DontPokeThatPlease.

Ground Control to Major Tomcat

“Roger, Houston, this is Space Cadet One on final approach. The lunar surface is just breathtaking, like a giant litter box. Which is kind of a welcome sight since we’ve been up here a while.”

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Mike S. crunches the numbers: “One kitten + one spacesuit = Awww-tronaut. Or Cat-ro-naut…or kitteh-o-naut.”

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