Keep Your Kitties ‘Round!

Are you always misplacing your kitties? Keep ’em corralled with Kitty Kontainer™, the revolutionary way to keep kitties cozy and conveniently close. But wait, there’s more!

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Order now, and we’ll throw in a pair of Mini Kitty Kontainer-ettes, Jr. absolutely free!

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Via Brainparking.com.

Assassin’s Squeed

From out of the fluid streams of Time they come without warning: the dreaded Kitty Assassins. Stealth is their weapon. Silence their code. String their nemesis. Catnip their… Whoa, now I can’t stop thinking about string. Lots of string. Big balls of string, single threads of string crawling across the yard, just string everywhere, man, that would be awesome. Wait, what were we talking about?

The Amazing Rolling Woofini Triplets!

Actually, you may be surprised to learn this, but one of them’s adopted.

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Carrie Bradshaw Would Probably Have Some Pithy Advice for Just This Situation

“Well, it’s over. Steve and I split up last night.”

“Oh, honey, that’s terrible. How do you feel?”

“I just feel drained, frankly. I mean, I kept trying to make it work, but in the end, he just didn’t have that certain something I was looking for.”

“You mean, like, a job?”

“No, it’s so much more personal and specific than that. And I wonder if… I’m asking too much out of life. I mean, here I am, I’m almost thirty and still looking, and I think that maybe I shouldn’t be so fussy.”

“Uh-uh, girlfriend — never settle. If it’s important to you, hold out for it. Someday your prince will come.”

“Oh, I want to believe that, I really do. But what are the odds I’ll ever meet a man who likes to wear a cat on his head?”

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Via Brainparking.com.

Totally True Tales of Terribly Tense Terror!

“There I was, alone inside the forbidden treasure chamber of Ali oop-Zamfir. I had just looted the entire collection of first edition AOL free trial CDs when I heard a ferocious roar. I turned, and there were four of the fiercest, hungriest tigers I had ever seen. They backed me into a corner. All hope seemed lost, when…” (finish the story in the comments!)

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Via Adam Rifkin/Pandawhale.

The Cute Crusader!

Whenever there is someone who needs cuddling, wherever there are pant legs that need rubbing against, wherever there are sofas without hair on them, this mysterious masked mouser, this hairball-hacking hero is there!

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Via batona.net (Russian)

With a Name Like “Fluffy,” Whad’ja Expect?

No sooner did Mrs. Fluffy get comfortable on her favorite pillow, when she discovered that she had become someone else’s favorite pillow.

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Via Yoppy.

Life Is Hard For Mildly Perturbed Cat

From his favorite spot, almost but not quite in the shade of the large oak tree, Mildly Perturbed Cat contemplates the dissatisfying state of his existence.

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So many of his feline brethren have found fame and adulation on the Internet. His cousin Grumpy adorns books and T-shirts; Happy from down the block can has all the cheezburger he wants.

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Yet this parade of stardom and glory passes him by. He is anonymous, forgotten, celebrated by none save for a single hack writer on an obscure cute-animal website.

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Via Steve Freeman.

That Trump, He’s Such a Card

I’m telling ya, this latest meme is yooge. This meme is gonna be the biggest meme of all the memes that ever hit the Intermeme, and I’ll bet my nine billion dollar fortune on it: Cats… with hair… like mine!

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I’m telling ya, it’s sweeping the nation! People using #trumpyourcat to show America what real class looks like, the kind of class that only guys with a ten-billion dollar net worth usually can afford.

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Can you feel it, America? Can you smell it? That is the smell of Trumpmentum, ladies and gentlemen! So grab your cat, grab some hair trimmings, and let’s make this happen! If this ain’t the biggest thing ever, then I ain’t a man with 12 billion dollars!

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Via… oh, just everybody.

Kids These Days and their Expectations

“Honey, I’m sorry they didn’t have any shopping carts shaped like racing cars. How about mommy buys you a big box of Tuna-Snax instead?”

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