Your Astral Journey Begins

As you breathe in the essences of ginger root, lavender, and Pine-Sol, your body relaxes and prepares for the projection. Next, you hear the ancient hymn of yoth’kaBleen, summoning the Ancient Spirits. Once you wear the Sacred Petals, other dimensions will unfold. Perhaps you will see mountains of pure aluminum. A menswear shop in Boise. Caesar’s Palace. No, the one in Rome. For each seeker, the journey is unique and wonderful.

I Ain’t Going Nowhere Until She Uses the Crevice Attachment

FACT: Unsightly cat hair can damage delicate and expensive computer equipment. Protect your investment with the CuteCo CatVac 3000™! (Note: For stubborn build-up, ask the cat hair to get up and leave first.)

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Try Mega-Gro Plant Food!

Add “boom” to your bloom in every room! Only Mega-Gro has the added ingredient Blayvin-35, for roses that radiate, tulips that triumph, and daisies that dazzle! You won’t believe your eyes!

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Via Alexander Lyubavin.

Jazz Paws!

After months of rigorous training with veteran choreographers, Fluffykins knew she was a lock to take first place in the International Kitten Freestyle Dance Competition.

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Via Adam Rifkin on Pandawhale.

The Amazing Kitten-in-a-Bottle!

Looking for a truly unique hobby idea? Anyone can build a ship in a bottle, but can you build Kitten-in-a-Bottle?™ We’ll send you everything you need: Fur, claws, pawpads, teeth, bones, and brain (not required; available in Deluxe kit only). Follow the simple instructions and — Voila! — your very own Kitten-in-a-bottle to delight and astound your friends! Order today!

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Via Emergency Kittens.

Today in Cute History

1846 — Ignoring the skepticism and ridicule of the British Explorer’s Society, J. Burpley Whiskerton spends his entire family fortune and years of tireless searching before finally discovering the fabled Island of Giant Marshmallows.

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Our cat Maja, via Vanerpaddel.

TP or Not TP?

That is the question. Although “How did somebody manage to stack this much toilet paper on a cat without it going completely mental and trying to unspool every one?” would make a good follow-up question.

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Via Reddit.

I’m Just Lion Here…

… waiting for you to rub mah belleh. You know you want to. And I know you know you want to. And you know I know you know (etc. etc.). So make with the rubbing already, I’m not getting any younger here!

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Via Frontier.

Rubik’s Qte

Well, that was easy. The whole point of this thing is to get the colors all scrambled up, right? Took me about five seconds. Honestly, I don’t see why you’re making such a fuss about it.

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Via Giles Turnbull.

At Tootsie Pop Testing Labs

Researchers attempting to solve the mystery of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop have switched to kitties after decades of getting unreliable results from overly-clever owls.

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Via Leonard Gee.

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