Ah, I Love the Smell of Fresh-Cooked Rice…

… that sweet, starchy aroma filling the kitchen air, anticipating that first moist, sticky bite hot from my bowl… which is amazing when you consider that the thing isn’t even plugged in.

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Via Imgur.

 

How to Give a Back Rub

For young children, offering a back rub can be a thoughtful way to help a parent unwind after a hard day. For best results, follow these steps:

  1. Make sure your parent wants a back rub at this time. (Especially important if your mom is Chancellor of Germany)
  2. Retract claws.
  3. Begin at the shoulder blades, making concentric circles, gradually working down the…
  4. Excuse me, did I stutter back there? RETRACT CLAWS!

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Via Rob Bixby.

A Ripping Good Yarn

When we last met Kwanza and puppy pal Honey, they had become best friends at Darling Downs Zoo in Pilton, Queensland. Looks like they’ve started a project together: building the world’s largest ball of yarn. How’s it going, kids?

FaveFrame™!

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Thanks to Adam of CoxCreatura.

All Your Cat Questions Answered At Last!

Cats — one of Life’s great mysteries. Now, for the first time, Time-Mice Publishing brings you the Complete Cat Home Reference. This handsome reference work sits on your bookshelf and answers all your cat-related questions, such as: What are cats made of? Where do they come from? What is their purpose? Order now!

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Via Pedro Ribeiro Simões.

We’ve Got a “Hunch” You’ll Love ‘Em

Looking for a companion with true old world charm? Why not adopt a gargoyle? Long beloved by cathedral visitors, now these one-of-a-kind pets can live in your very own home. They love to perch on high places and look down on you for hours. Write to Adopt-a-Gargoyle, Ltd., c/o Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris, France.

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Andy Rinks can ring our bell anytime, Stephanie B.

Now How Much Wouldn’t You Pay?

Infomercials used to be a bore — but no more! Now there’s two exciting new video clips from the Animal Foundation to promote dog and cat adoption! So curl up in your Snuggie, polish your George Foreman grill with your ShamWow, Bow-Flex that dialing finger and press the play button below! As an added bonus, if you watch within the next thirty seconds, you’ll see them that much sooner! Click now!

Via AdWeek.

Seth Brundle Would Like a Word

Fresh from their triumph with the Large Adrian Colander, scientists at the laboratories of Worldwide Holistic Advanced Technology (WHAT) are about to flip the switch on the first intercontinental simultaneous dual matter teleportation system. Horror movie producers everywhere eagerly await mining the outcome for story ideas.

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Top: July Pastorello; Bottom: Bahador.

What a Load of Bunk

“Mom! Bobby won’t stop kicking me from the middle bunk!”

“Well, Stacey keeps drooling hairballs from the top bunk!”

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“My niece decided that her cats should sleep in bunk beds,” says Redditor flooid.

¡uɐW ‘ʇnO ƃuᴉddᴉlℲ ɯ,I

˙ǝlƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟᴉp ʎlǝɹᴉʇuǝ uɐ ɯoɹɟ ɯǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞool oʇ sdlǝɥ ʇᴉ ‘uǝɥʇ puɐ ʍou ʎɹǝʌƎ ¿suɐɯnɥ ɥʇᴉʍ ƃuolɐ ƃuᴉʇʇǝƃ oʇ ʇǝɹɔǝs ʎɯ s,ʇɐɥM

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˙uᴉlɐnbɐԀ ǝʌo┴ ɹǝ-ɹʞɔᴉlℲ sʎɐs ,,’ɥɔɹɐW uᴉ snolnɔᴉpᴉɹ ʎllɐǝɹ ǝɹɐ sʇɐƆ,,

This Never Happens With the Litter Box

Honestly, can’t anybody in this company read? It says right there on the sign: “Please do not flush mousies down the toilet”! Sheesh!

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Via apocer on Reddit.

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