Mr. Tough Guy

"Oh boy, ohboyohboyohboy … lemmie at ‘im, boss, lemmie at ‘im!  I’ll moidalize the bum!"

Eating in MY field -- who does he think he is?

"That’s right, boss!  We’re goin’ in for the kill!  Now just leggo my collar and you’ll see some serious butt-kicking, yes sirree!  Watch me mop the floor with this no-good, pencil-necked …"

Hmmm, THIS should be interesting...

"Mnnnnyeeeessssss?  You were saying …?"

Ahmm, errrr ... well, that is ... what I meant to say was ...

"… so remember, shorty, (smack!) this is MY field! (smack!)  And now, if you’ll excuse me …"

Y-yes, sir ... T-thank you, sir ...

"Well, hey there, darlin’—How you doin’?  Whaddya say you ditch these dogs and join me at a little party I’m throwing?"

It's a stag party, naturally.

BONUS PHOTOS!  I couldn’t quite work these into my silly little story, but they’re too good not to share, so enjoy:

Nice composition in this shot!

It's a sniff-a-thon!

THAT … is five different flavors of awesome, Laura M.

And Now, a Word From Our Sponsor

(FADE IN on backyard. MUSIC UP, delicate piano with strings)

ANNOUNCER:  These are the Schlackmann Years™—the most precious years of your baby’s life. First steps. First words. And, most important of all, first solid foods.  Maybe that’s why more mothers feed their babies Schlackmann’s Puppies than any other brand. Only Schlackmann’s Puppies are scientifically bred to be easy to chew, and gentle to your baby’s delicate digestive system. And only Schlackmann’s comes in the variety of breeds and flavors babies love. So make them special years; Make them Schlackmann Years.™

Grape Doberman?  My favorite!

Were you a Schlackmann’s kid, Vernel L.?

With ONE SNORT you’re a GONER!

Listen Kid, my eye capsule is LARGER THAN YOUR WHOLE BODY.

Flutter your wings the wrong way and it’s SNORT CITY.

Snooorrrf

Johanna S., you’re right. This IS interspecies snorglingk.

People, THIS is why it’s The frakking Overload

Will you PLEASE get a load of this pic that is pushing Cuteness to it’s XREME limits.

1

Oh Don’t enhance! NO! we can’t take—

2

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH! (In other words, thank you, Tundra B.)

Puppyhuffers Anonymous

"Hello, I’m Bryan H., and I’m a puppyhuffer." (crowd: "Hi, Bryan…")

"It all started innocently enough.  I was at a party, and someone was passing around a … a puppy.  And I’m thinking, just one puppy, what harm could it do?  Well, now I’ve got a five-puppy-a-day habit, man!  I just can’t stop huffing them puppies!"

And you weel huff me tooooo ... yesss you weeeel ...

We’re here for ya, Bryan and Celia H.

You might cry the tiniest bit at this one

Pull at our heart strings WHY DON’T YOU Buenos Aires ZOO!

Sarah J., I won’t tell anyone [handing over a hanky].

Answer: A Drunken Safari

Question: What do you get when you take African animals, delicious fruits, and good ole fermentation?

Whoever did the sound effects for this movie is a GEEEEENNNIUS! [singsong] Jaimie R., hic!

This might also be a good time to remind you of another redonk Safari over in Kenya (thanks Megan D.)

Blood-Thirsty Hounds Appreciate Cuteness Too

UK’s Mail Online is reporting a pack of blood-thirsty hounds decided to spare the life of Mr. FawnPants here. In fact, the fawn, known as "Bam Bam" trots along happily with the 60-dog pack and huntsman on their daily walk.

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The fawn fits in perfectly as he is the same size as the hounds, and seems to enjoy hanging out with the pack, much to the complete surprise of onlookers!

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Apparently, Bam Bam’s Momma abandonned him right near the huntsman’s house, most likely scared off by the dogs. Since then, Bam Bam has received his daily milk and seems quite content.

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Bam Bam will be rehomed in a deer sanctuary next year. More pics and more on this story here.

Night of the HUMANS!

Coming soon to this theater: NIGHT OF THE HUMANS!  Witness the blood-curdling terror of marauding humans and their ghoulish hunger for DOGGIE BRAINS!  Nothing can stop these mindless beasts as they comb the countryside, fiendishly feasting on furry flesh!

SEE! Terriers terrorized!  SEE! Dachshunds devoured!  SEE! Mastiffs masticated!  Due to the shocking graphic nature of this film, children under 17 will not be admitted without a ticket!  See NIGHT OF THE HUMANS — in gut-wrenching 3-D Snorg-O-Vision!

Well, I really wasn't using it anyway, so...

Let’s schnack on a schnauzer, Stacey S.

Oh, This Is Just SO Wrong…

All right, people, do the math with me:  (Ultra-prosh fuzzy pupper-puff) PLUS (Cuddly infant version of beloved cartoon character) TIMES (Vaguely suggestive naughty pose) EQUALS ZOMG THINK OF TEH CHILDRENS ITS TEH END WERE ALL DOOOOOMED WE GONNA BURN IN H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS AARRRRGGHH (froth, froth, thud)

... then I don't wanna be right, bay-bay.

Gee, thanks for collapsing Western civilization, Betsy. There go my plans for the weekend.

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