Posts tagged as: Impending Doom

Taking One for the Team

October 9, 2009 By

Herbert recently lost his job as the household doorstop, so when The Dog offered him the opportunity, he couldn’t turn it down. You see, The Cat had recently upped his efforts to sabotage The Dog; and he suspected his Kibble was being poisoned in an attempt to be dethroned as man’s best friend. Frankly, Herbert felt bad for him, because let’s face it, The Dog was not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Maybe you can help me, crack-on-the-kitchen-floor. There seems to be a pin cushion in my dinner....

Listen, Dog, I agreed to test your food, but do you have to hover over me like some kind drooly sweater?

I knew I shouldn't have had that third Bartles&James wine cooler.

I’m putting my neck on the line for you, the least you could’ve done was supply a step ladder.

Here's how it's gonna go - I'm going to eat every single one of you. Prepare for greatness. R.I.P., Kibble.

I’m going to be honest with you: this crap you call food is so disgusting that I wouldn’t know if it was poisoned or not. Here’s an idea, maybe stop being so eager to please everyone and demand a real meal.

You mind?

Take one step closer to me, Dog, and I’ll go straight to The Cat and tell him that you want to replace his kitty litter with Pop Rocks Candy.

Good luck with this situation, Kristin B.

64 comments

In Just 30 Seconds, You Will Utterly Despise The New York Lottery

September 17, 2009 By

Oh sure, it gets off to a promising start, but just you wait: In mere moments, you will yearn for a plague of locusts to blacken the skies above their offices, and to hear the wailing and lamentations of their Marketing executives.

Wait for it… Wa-a-a-a-ait for it…

But sender-inner S.A. thought it was cute, so we’ll let them live.

154 comments

Vincent and Jules Hatch Their Plan

September 14, 2009 By

“I don’t know…What do you think?”

“It’s risky. But if I’ve done the calculations correctly, I think it will hold. I just wish it had a bit more length.”

Say hello to my little friend.

“And what about the pigs?”

“You know them – it’s always hard to tell with their incessant wheet-wheet-wheeting, but I think they’re on board. But they want us to go first. You know, because of our ‘lucky feet’.”

“Typical. So we’re a go?”

“Affirmative.”

The following morning Farmer Ted went out to his garden and discovered a veritable vegetable massacre. All that was left along the outside of the fence were six tiny trench coats, six tiny mustaches, and one leaf of kale. Farmer Ted thought back to the previous week and suspected that those ungrateful bunnies had actually followed through on their written threat:

“fArMheR Tehd:

We sicK of KAle. FEed us CaRROt oR wE usE kAle as PoLE vAUlt inTO VehgtIblE gARdEn. U hAve 7 Day.

LUv,

RaBBits and Teh PiGs”

Build a higher fence, Julie D.

43 comments

Tomorrow: 9/9/09 – A Day Without Cats

September 8, 2009 By

GET READY!

Cats everywhere are taking the DAY OFF tomorrow to honor Urlesque’s Day Without Cats. It’s time other ani-pals got a chance to shine (without kitteh attention-hogs stealing all the Internet limelight.)

So brace yourselfs, tomorrow you won’t see Nora playing the piano. You won’t see Spaghetti Cat or Winston. You won’t even see a cartooned Simon’s Cat. You.may.die.

106 comments

No, You Really Didn’t See This Picture

September 2, 2009 By

This page never happened.  You didn’t see anything.  We were never here.

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(OK, before you flip out, note that the cat goes all the way to the bottom of the pitcher, which means that the blade unit is not installed.)

615 comments

and SPEAKING of impending pup doom…

August 27, 2009 By

8O GAHHHH!!
—

This won’t hurt a BIT. Not one bit.

[paw makes contact]

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I know it’s been puppeh overload lately, I promise to post some other anim-mules real soon, Tiffany C.

48 comments

Sneak in the Grass

August 27, 2009 By

Ensheathed within the dense jungle grasses, the deadly black mamba slithers undetected.  Silently, the cold-blooded killer glides closer to its quarry…

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… and with one lightning-quick thrust of its venomous… fangs, he..

PICT0009

… never mind.

July 2009 004

Lethally cute, Jessica W.

128 comments

The Fool. He Suspects Nothing.

August 13, 2009 By

Just look at him.  The genial, glad-handing imbecile.  At the bed with the paper every morning, by the door with the slippers every night.  Even now, the little toady waits at his usual place, on top of the large “X” conveniently drawn on the sidewalk.  Yessss, keep waiting… That’s a good boy…

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From a collection of cute photobombs, since we’re on the subject (some NSFW)

77 comments

Oh, Go Fly A Kite!

August 11, 2009 By

With the waning of August and the approach of cooler fall breezes, the time is right to fly a kite!  Whether you prefer the swoops and dives of “stunt” kites, or the peaceful, serene floating of the classic box kite, you’ll find kite flying to be a relaxing way to spend quality time with family and friends.

It’s a good idea, however, to weigh more than six pounds.

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Last sighted over Boise by Maria N.

88 comments

Cavalcade of Vaguely Unsettling Facial Expressions!

August 5, 2009 By

Figure 1: The “what are you doing with that chainsaw, Reverend?”

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Figure 2: The “ghost story at summer camp”

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Figure 3: The “Silence of the Lambs”

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Photos by Jessica C., Siberian Husky puppy Belfi by Ritmó, and Eddie and Ginger F.

71 comments

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