Armed and Fluffy

*ALERT* This is an all-points bulletin – Please be on the look-out for a suspect of smaller build, answers to the name “Scoop” and is known to use the alias “Smooches DeLuca”.  Suspect is wanted for string of heinous drive-by lickings.

Crime is really on the rise, Kaley B.

THIS JUST IN: Redonk-Zedonk

Donkey up top, stripey down below. It’s a rare Zedonk, a cross between a zebra and a donkey born last Monday at Chestatee Wildlife Preserve in Georgia.

story here)

This Little Piggy Wants His Agent

He certainly lived up to his temperamental reputation; as soon as those galoshes went on, Salami Von Cured Snout wasn’t havin’ any of the wee or the all the way home.

He reminds me of a grumpy Mary Tyler Moore, Josh N.

I’ve got your nose!

“Hello, doctor? Yes, I’d like to make an appointment; it seems I’ve developed a small ungulate on my nose.”

Sender-inner Sean F. forwarded the above picture to the C.O. Facebook page.

Day 2 of the British Open Comes to a Stop

What an unfortunate day for players and fans alike here at St. Andrews. Officials were forced to halt play just a few moments ago when the green on the crucial par-4 17th was sincerely compromised.

Can Rory McIlroy recover, Barney S.?

Join the C.O. Dangerous Sports Society!

Skydiving too sedate? Bungee jumping a bore? We’ve got the ultimate rush for today’s jaded thrill-seeker! Here’s how it works: A genuine medieval catapult (a) launches you across the Grand Canyon (b), onto a waiting trampoline (c), which propels you through a wall of flame (d) into a wading pool full of Nerf balls (e).

… oh, and there’s a certain spot on the trampoline you’ll need to avoid, too.

Is there a point to all this, Debra E.?

Say, Clark…? You didn’t by chance just use some Krazy Glue, did you?

Let me get this straight: So instead of going on my long-awaited, very important third date with Yasmine, I’m now attached to your wrist like I’m some kind of freaking bangle charm?? Dammit, Clark!

Opposite of yak attack, Eric K.

The Following is a Ted Nugent-Free Zone

Wakey-wakey eggs and bakey.

Deer God, I hope that’s my mother behind me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who you callin’ a gazelle.

If someone would please remove these roller skates from my feet, I’ll get up and walk away gracefully.

I am much, much prettier than you.

What do you call this magical land where rubber duckies inexplicably fall from trees?

Sender-inner Emily B. writes: I’m working at a whitetail deer ranch this summer, and we’re bottle-raising all the doe fawns. So far we have 46 fawns on the bottle. They’re all incredibly cute, pushy, and they’re all named: The pictures of the fawn in the grass are of His Majesty, who we’ve been nursing back to health. He’s a spoiled brat, but he’s so small and fuzzy that he gets away with a lot; the staring one is Eowyn (she’s a little crazy); the two curled up next to each other are Diana and Wren; and finally, the brand spanking new baby is Clementine being licked clean by her mama, Trey.

The Alpaca and His Wingman

Check out the medulated fiber on that one…

OK, thanks for the help – I’m goin’ in. Man, I hope she likes furry eyeballs.

Alpacas can be real pigs, Jenni.

Loook at theeesh facesh!

An inaccurate rumor about Ralph Lauren retiring his longstanding Polo logo led many livestock to give it a shake.

Heads, hands-down winner, Amanda Z.

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