Benson Hedges, Private Eye! in: The Case of the Soccer Punch

It was a hazy L.A. morning, the kind of day when the city slept under a blanket of smog and broken dreams. I hadn’t seen the sun in so long, my quills were pale.

I was on my second pack of Luckies when the call came. It concerned Vivien Brooke-Troute, star soccer player for the Keosaqua Kicks. His legs were insured for a cool million, but now those legs were missing, along with the rest of him. Before you could say “bend it like baked ham,” I was on the next plane to Iowa.


Brooke-Troute had been imported all the way from England, and he was last seen enjoying afternoon tea with a mysterious brunette. The table was set for two, but somebody didn’t have time to finish his biscuit.


I went to the soccer field and looked for clues. The place was deserted, except for a lone soccer ball — and judging by the smell, it had been freshly kicked.


The lead pipe stung the back of my head like a nearsighted dentist had put me in the chair face down and started drilling. When I came to, I was at the wharf wearing cement galoshes. “Since you’re so keen on findin’ dis guy, shamus,” said a voice, “we’ll take you ta’ meet ‘im — at da bottom o’ da river!

Is this the end for Benson Hedges? Tune in for the next episode whenever we get more pictures and I feel like writing it!


Christine L. checks in: “In January you featured my hedgie, Barnaby, typing at his little desk. I thought you might like to know that Barnaby now has his own Instagram account! You can follow him at @barnabyhedgehog. Here are a few of my favorite pics.”

Toothpeeck, Anyonne’?

Offers elegant toothpeeck holdere’. Delicately extends peenkay.

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“This is my hedgie, Henry Hazelnut, in a Hedgehog Measuring Cup. You can follow Henry at  Henry Hazelnut on Facebook.” -Ann Cordis

Head Asplodey Hazard Ahead

But it’s totally worth the reesk! Hedgie. Leecks. Feets! Th- th- th- that’s all folks!


“I have found it. The cutest video ever. Cute Overload can just pack up and close shop after this. The internet is done.  I’m dead over here. Dead from cuteness. I watch the video on repeat all the time, so I can remain dead. You can thank me when you are also dead. It’s Nuala, a sweet little hedgie girl, and her mama is my friend, Colleen Regan.” -Jen S.

Fleur du Jour

Tres ooh la la. Zat one and zat one and zat one.

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Le sneef, sneef, sneef ?

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Le chomp, chomp, chomp!

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“Un grand merci for your work and your website! I thought you might appreciate these photos of a cute hedgehog discovering my parents’ garden on a sunny afternoon. Monsieur Hérisson is rather photogenic, and didn’t seem to be too scared when my dad took it in picture. à bientôt!” -Emma (from Paris, France)

Alternative Caption Theater

Sender-inner Sarah Q. helpfully pre-captioned this photo of this hedge and bear. Well if there’s anything our readers love, it’s putting words in the mouths of cute animals — and a challenge. So, what else might these two be saying?

Dr. Who Hog

Cory C. sent us photos with this note: These are pictures I took of my wife’s pet hedgehog, Pertwee. He is named for Jon Pertwee who played the third Doctor on Doctor Who in the 1970’s.

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“Weverse teh polawity of teh neutwon flow.”

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See the resemblance?

Jon Pertwee as Doctor Who

File photo via the Guardian

The Folks Back Home Are Never Gonna Believe This

Golly gracious, Hedgeopolis is such a big city! It’s been an thrilling vacation so far: skating at Rockquillfeller Center, a show at Radio City Nosicle…


… and the view from the Statue of Prickly is simply breathtaking!


It’s a good thing that Sarah McManiman took pictures!

Smarter Than Your Average Bear

Buckley the Hedgehog will steal your heart, AND

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your pic-a-nic basket.

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Picnic pics by Lindsay C. who says, “Meet Buckley the Hedgehog; the sweetest little pudge-ball you’ll ever meet. They say hedgehogs are grumpy, but Buckley is quite the lover. He’s so cooperative and calm, he seems to truly enjoy each little photo shoot that we have.”

Cough Due to Cold?

Let me get you a tissue.


Get plenty of rest. May I recommend sleeping underneath something? The pressure is quite nice for a congested face.


Corndogs are a cure-all. They certainly make me feel better.


And by popular demand, we bring you TOOF-HANCE™


Penelope Pickles is a little helper! Melissa D. S. says, “Her favorite things are corndogs and naps. You can’t leave your plate idle with her around.” You can follow Penelope on the Facebooks.

Run for the Border!

You braved the seven-layer burrito; you marveled at the Doritos taco shell; and now Taco Bell brings you the ultimate in stunt cuisine: The Quillupa™, a spiky hedgehog wrapped in a soft flour tortilla — with extra sharp cheese.


“Hey, were you going to eat me? You were, weren’t you?”


Nikki M. says: “My baby hedgehog is so adorable a sweet and I just had to share him with you! His name is Sonni (pronounced like ‘Sunny’ — short for Sonic Spindash) and he’s almost 8 weeks old. I adopted him at 6 weeks old. Usually hedgehogs take a little while to become people friendly and socialized but with a lot of attention and love, he opened up within only a couple days!”

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