Benson Hedges, Private Eye!

It was half past midnight when I rolled up to the seediest dive on the wharf.  The ocean air sent a prickly feeling up my back—the kind you get when danger lurks behind every door.

My Bentley's in the shop.  No, really.

Inside, I grilled a barfly for information, but she just turned her back and gave me the cold shoulder.  That dame was no lady—and it bugged me.

Just for that, doll, you don't get any hovertext.

Suddenly, I heard a noise in the back room.  I burst through the door just in time to put the bite on some yellow coward trying to escape.

GOTCHA!  Now ... start squeaking, pipsqueak!

For the next chapter in the thrilling adventures of Benson Hedges, Private Eye, visit sender-inner Heather’s Flickr photoset!

Baby Bristle Brushes Borned

Let’s lift up the box top and see how the freshly-borned hedgehoglets are doing!

Hmm. Maybe we should check back when they have some quillage.

9808

Much better.

I think they’re doing fine. Mom sitting on hogs, check.Warm comfortabuhls home, check.

91908

Beady eyes, check.

Baby Hedge’tocks, check!

925083

Trisha K., how about some mini croquet?

One Spiked Hedge on Wheat, comin’ up.

Can’t you just see a perfect squiggle of mustard on his head?

I know you can.

Nosicle

Laura B., nice deli pic. Please include a large peekle.

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder

Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in herlife: it was all ridges and furrows: the croquet balls were livehedgehogs, and the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had todouble themselves up and stand on their hands and feet, to make thearches.

3_2

Baby Hedg, originally uploaded by bluelunarrose.

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing herflamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortablyenough under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, justas she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to givethe hedgehog a blow with its head, it would twist itself round andlook up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could nothelp bursting out laughing…

2
Cute Smile, originally uploaded by bluelunarrose.

…and, when she had got its head down, andwas going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that thehedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away:besides all this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow in the waywherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-upsoldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of theground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficultgame indeed.

OFF WITH YOUR HEAD, OnlyYesterday! All text by Lewis Carroll, in Alice in Wonderland.

It’s TUBE TIME

Get ready ’cause we’re going TUBING, People. [Ready stance]

Race you to the COUCH GO!

Img_6493

Thistle and Nicole—Looks like your Friday night is booked solid.

Aesop on an off-night

This is the story of the dog and the, oh, I dunno, how about a hedgehog?  Sure, why not?  Okay, so the dog, who was a prideful, covetous thing, was carrying his bone when he came across the crafty hedgehog. "My bone is so much bigger and juicier than yours," boasted the hedgehog. "Then I will take it from you," said the dog.

And so the dog chased away the hedgehog and took his bone. But that’s just what the wily hedgehog wanted him to do, for he knew that the dog’s bone was much bigger.  Quick as a wink, he grabbed the dog’s bone, but it was too heavy and he couldn’t lift it.

"You tricked me!" said the dog. "Just for that, I’m taking BOTH bones!"  But try as he might, the dog could not fit both bones into his mouth.  So he just took his original bone and went away.

Moral of the story:  Beats me.  I’ll be at the pub.

Somehow, I don't think you thought your cunning fable all the way through

Sometimes the magic happens, Letty F., and sometimes it don’t.

Your hedge quills may be used for flotation…

I don’t know what’s more redonk—the voices of these ladies watching "Shming" the hedgehog float around in the tub, or Shming himself, who’s acting like he’s on friggin’ Waikiki beach after three Mai Tais.

I watched ALL six minutes AND thirty seconds of this buoyant heaven, Sender-Inner Allison M.!

The Hedge Abides

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other. The Dude thought he had never seen such a curious bowling alley in his life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the pins mere inches tall, and the soldiers had to lie on their backs and puff air in a continuous stream, to make the hand-dryers.

The White Rabbit rolled first, failing to convert a seven-ten split. “Your toe was over the line!” bellowed the Queen, as she pulled a Walther P99 semi-automatic from her bowling bag. “You’re entering a world of pain! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

Steve_bowling

From Lebowski’s Adventures in Wonderland, p 63.

With apologies to Lewis Carroll, Joel and Ethan Coen, Brunswick Corporation, and of course sender-innerowski Anne H.

It’s been WAY too long since we posted a hedge

People, if there was an AKC for hedgehogs (who knows, there prolly is!) this hedge would win points for his:

1. PERFECT moist nosicle
2. curled paw/claw
3. Teeniest of hoggular muzzlepowshes

Oh, and that his name is "Truffles"

May_2008_123a

On second thought, we won’t hold that against you, Nancy T. ;)

This Hedge is for YOU

First, Happy Birthday Shakespeare, you lil’ brisle brush o’ love.

Second, Ziv S., the fabulous Stanford Daily columnist, this hedge is FOR YOU.

Happehnow

GO CARDINAL, ZIV and grat submission, Jenny C.!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 14,421 other followers