Benson Hedges, Private Eye in: The Case of the Kidnapped Kitties!

It was one of those nights when all a tired gumshoe wants is to get away from the babes and bullets and have a nice meal in a restaurant where they don’t pat you down for weapons. And so I was about to drown my sorrows in a bowl of Miss Kitty’s famous five-alarm chili when it hit me: Miss Kitty was gone!

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Now, another Joe might have shrugged it off, but when this nose smells trouble, buddy, I follow it. So my partner and I staked out an abandoned warehouse…

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“Follow me,” I said. “We’re going in!” But he just stood there with that dopey grin on his face. He was too yellow, and I’d have to go it alone.

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When I got inside, I could hear muffled voices, saying something about “a day without cats.” So that was their plan; Miss Kitty was only the beginning. They wouldn’t stop until they’d stolen every kitten from the Internet — unless I stopped them first.

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Can Benson corral the catty kidnappers and crack the case? Will tomorrow truly be A Day Without Cats? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode!

Photos from “My Hedgehog” by Yoppy.

And Now, a Word from our Sponsor

In these uncertain times, can you afford not to give your hedgehog complete insurance coverage?  Then call your Allstate agent today and ask about our Hedgehog Term Life Package.

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Keeping that nosicle moist!

Step one, assume a comfortable posishe:

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You already know what step two is.

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and REPEAT Karine V.!

This is Not a Half-Pipe

Dude, you call this a half-pipe?  It’s, like, totally made of construction paper or something, and it’s not even big enough for my skateboard!  I’m, like, a professional athlete, dude, I don’t have time for this!

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Love the tongue, Jacqueline T.!

Have a productive Memorial Day

Whether you’re remembering brave folks who gave their lives for their country or stuffing your schnozzle into a toilet paper tube, we wish you a productive day.

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Penny the hedge brought to you by Ginny L.

Let’s plant a hedgehog tree

1. Soak hedgehog seed overnight so ears fully moisten
2. Find sunny spot in garden
3. Hedgehog seed will burrow right in and plant itself.

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4. Wait 2 years for maximum quillage. Feed well.

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Thanks for the gardening tip Josh N.

Step one: Toss the hedgehog

Step Two: See how close you can roll bocce balls towards the hedge

Step Three: Whomevah gets their ball closedt to the hedge wins a golden toilet paper tube trophy

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Hopefully the hedge will stay still for the whole game. If he moves, throw him again!

CO Classics™: “Borrrrrrring!”

[This delicate snippet of social commentary is from Feb 23 of 2006.  Not sure what put this one into my head today.  – Ed.]

“Whaaaaaaaaaat-evs!”

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“Borrrrrrrrring!”

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This Hedger’s name is Pascale. PASCALE, People! WHO names their hedgehog Pascale? Someone who obviously knows what they’re doing. Straight from “HamorHollow.com“, taken by Sean Soznik. Brillllllliant!

“I’m marrying him Mother. You can’t stop me.”

“Sure, he’s a little cold, but he’s BIG and he’s green and he’s MINE!”

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Just let her go, Emily D. H. [eye roll]

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This Is Spinal Wrap

According to The Sun, albino hedgie Jay Jay wasn’t safe in the wild, because his color made him an easy target for predators. So some nice people took him in, and now his future’s as bright as he is.

It's like, how much more white could this be?

And the answer is: None. None more white.

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