It’s Amazing How They Recognize Words

“Hey, Jasper — you want to go for a walk? Maybe to the park? Where you can chase the ducks? Then we can drive to Vegas? And pawn Daddy’s ring? Then do lots of shots? And pass out in an alley? Then wake up in Mexico?”

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The Music Goes ‘Round and ‘Round

“Wow, talk about your long-playing records! I’m getting dizzy, Miss Lizzie!”

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The Floof of the Month Club

Looking for a unique gift idea? Enroll that special someone in the Floof of the Month Club! Every month, your loved one will get a box full of top-quality floof, in our patented self-packing carton. Order today!

Live from the “Digging to China” Semifinals!

… and, as we enter the forty-third hour, it looks like Goldie “Shovelpaws” McBlavin is still having trouble getting started…

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Circular Reasoning

“(When I walk in a circle, the chair feels more comfy. Does that mean I’m actually making the chair more comfy? What if there’s no upper limit to how comfy this chair can get? If I keep going, I could experience a Zen-like level of comfyness! We could be talking comfy Nirvana, here!)”

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What a Boring Party

Everybody’s just standing around, nobody talking to one another, nobody talking to me… I know I can be a little prickly sometimes, but not like these guys! Sheesh!

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Oh, This Is My Favorite Part!

This is the part where Bethany reveals her pregnancy to Reginald moments before he leaves with his Space Marine platoon to defeat the two-headed mutant dinosaurs before they can break through the quantum time portal and eat Bethany’s parents, causing her to not exist!

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Rubbing Me the Wrong Way?

What a comically alien concept. There is no wrong way. Now, continue, slave…

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I’m Making My Own Costume!

Sheesh, every costume for kitties is “sexy” this and “sexy” that! This year the hot costume is “Sexy Ebola Nurse,” for Pete’s sake! Guess I’m rolling my own!

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Science Run Amok!

Science ethicists have raised concerns about the project known as the Large Corgion Collider, noting that a mishap could open a quantum tunnel into a parallel universe ruled by corgis.

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