The Cat Incognito Authority: I’ve Got Your Back

OK, we’ve got some menacing finches at 2 o’clock. And be wary of those meddling Monarchs at high noon. Stay alert, and most importantly – when I tell you, you move, move, MOVE!

The C.I.A. has never looked so appealing, Melissa S.

By the Way, You’re a Quart Low

While most pups respond to the words “car ride?” with unhinged glee, here’s one who may think twice: A cute black lab who took a 30-mile drive while trapped under the hood. Warning: You may wince a little, but the video has a happy ending (and bonus cute rescue-y guy; maybe not Jamin-level cute, but in the ballpark).

Carl Kicked Himself for Saying, “When am I ever going to need to know this?”

Fuzzy Birds and SS Sailboat begin floating at the same time from opposite ends of a lake that is 30 miles long. Fuzzy Birds are floating at 6mph and SS Sailboat is floating at 10mph. How long after they begin will they meet?

Uh, guys…?

Don’t worry, SS Toy Sailboat, Sender-Inner May-Li K.! E-Birdman.

New Guy, Meet Wild-Eyed Crazy Ginny

Ginny moonlights as a stalker who challenges her victims to terrifyingly freaky staring contests.

In Ginny’s defense, nobody likes change – especially when the new model looks like Nermal, Dan R.

Breaking News Bulletin Alert Thingie!

We interrupt our regular cuteness for this breaking story: A hamster has barricaded itself inside a roll of paper towels outside the Acme Wood Shavings factory.

The hamster’s motives are unclear at this time, but police fear there may be hostages involved. A SWAT negotiator is attempting to talk to the hamster now.

And we’re getting word now that the hamster is asking for food to be sent in, which means these negotiations could drag on well into the evening…

And now the negotiator is delivering a slice of apple to the hamster…

And we’re being told that the hamster has passed out! Yes, the magic SWAT apple did the trick, and so the crisis is over! Now back to Meg and Theo in the studio!

Our thanks to freelance cute-porter Sophie R. for these dramatic images.

—Watch this—

I can rock MYSELF to sleep. [Plack Plack Plack]

His legs will grow someday, Tairi P.

Don’t Play With Your Food! (Or Do.)

Normally, if you’re a healthy, red-blooded cheetah, a nice juicy impala is the “runs really fast and goes ‘boing!’ ” part of this good-for-you breakfast.  But what if you’re not very hungry at the moment?  Then he’s your new playmate!

That’s what photographer Michel Denis-Huot discovered in these amazing shots for the Daily Mail.  Already tired from hunting, the cheetahs patted and nuzzled the impala for about 15 minutes…

… and, even more amazingly, the impala nuzzled back …

… before remembering that it was food and scampering away.

Sent in by a gazillion people, all of whom were Goran G.

Whatever You Do, Try Not to Look Delicious

At first, Egon was understandably thrilled when his pet-project, The Supersizer, finally worked.

But within seconds, he knew he had gone too far. Dangling from the chandelier and desperately trying not to appear swat-able, Egon reconsidered his math when he set the knob to “Freaking Colossal”.

Maybe he just has really tiny paws, Christina H.

Are You Familiar with the Phrase “Once Bitten, Twice Shy”?

I get it. You think it’s adorable to take pictures of me doing silly things. And because you consistently provide adequate food and water, I humor you. To a point. But tread lightly owner, because let’s not forget who’s boss here. Need I mention the term “feral” to you…?

Godspeed, Holly E.

Oh, I’ll Wait

Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.

Unfortunately he realized too late that he was waiting for woodpeckers.

The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.

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