Halt! Who Goes There!

Not to be outdone by the Fire Hydrant Squad and the Front Porch Sentries, Pvt. Maverick and Pvt. Sidekick formed the Special Forces Fence Unit. Even when hopelessly outnumbered they have valiantly defended Fort Picket night and day against fierce turtle campaigns, commando cats, and brash pigeon legions. Ooooooh!

And Don’t Come Back!

A country landowner recently encountered an unauthorized squatter who had taken up residence on the property. The violator became aggressive and in no uncertain terms claimed the whole area. Sprinting away to safety, the landowner turned and quickly took a photo of the perpetrator.

This guy is scary!

You’re very brave, Robert A.

Evil Ottertude

Yeah I’m FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT GRAMS SO WHAT

Don’t worry, I forgive you *wink of death*

I didn’t realize they were so evil at such a young age, Alexa G.

Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Fairy Tales

Once upon a time, in the faraway kingdom of Fnord, a lonely maiden happened upon an enchanted frog. “Free me from this evil curse,” begged the frog, “and I will transform into a prince, and carry you away to my shining castle on the hill.”

And so, the maiden placed the frog in an engagement ring (which she always carried with her, because you never know), leaned forward, and kissed [The remainder of this paragraph has been deemed unsuitable as it contains horrific scenes of strangulation that may upset sensitive viewers.]

And the moral of the story is: First things first, genius.

Oh, all right, here’s the real story, from Jamie I.: “Yesterday afternoon, a surprise thunderstorm came through the Mojave desert (CA), and all these baby frogs came out to play.  This one didn’t mind posing with our engagement rings – probably because he’s a die-hard romantic.”

Think Before You Speak, Mitch

As you know, I get paid to be suspicious when I’ve got nothing to be suspicious about. So tell me: Is this sweater here made of angora, Mitch?

The Firm is cracking down, Jodi M.

Just Load ‘Em up and Fire, Boys

‘Gah head, Chuck, and roll the dice. But if I find out that you’ve tinkered with my power tools again, you best be wearing a helmet.

Chuck’s about to be bruised, Christine Y. Photo by Brittamay

Join the C.O. Dangerous Sports Society!

Skydiving too sedate? Bungee jumping a bore? We’ve got the ultimate rush for today’s jaded thrill-seeker! Here’s how it works: A genuine medieval catapult (a) launches you across the Grand Canyon (b), onto a waiting trampoline (c), which propels you through a wall of flame (d) into a wading pool full of Nerf balls (e).

… oh, and there’s a certain spot on the trampoline you’ll need to avoid, too.

Is there a point to all this, Debra E.?

The Overlook Hotel’s Other Sinister Presence

Forget the Twins, this ghastly beast will kill you softly.

Heeeeeere’s Feline, Ane B.

Lotso Tree-Huggin’ Bear

SWITZERLAND — Police and protesters clashed during the Ursine Environment Summit today, as demonstrators upset over deforestation of the Hundred Acre Wood chained themselves to treetops and had to be forcibly removed.

Cub reporter Jorden C. contributed to this article.

“Heeeerrrre, kitty-kitty-naive-kitty-kitty…”

I don’t know…Maybe he just wants to be my friend? Oh, why am I complicating things?  I’m sure it will be fine…right? I mean, the damn hamster has a brain the size of a walnut! What could he possibly do.

Chase seems like a bit of a scaredy cat, Annie G.  Photo by Mike C.

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