From our "Strangest Men’s Room Activity Not Involving Larry Craig" file comes this item from sender-inner Crystal O. of South Texas. Seems a category 2 hurricane hit the area, and the staff of the Gladys Porter Zoo in Brownsville herded all their animals into the safest structures they could find — which, in the case of these flamingos, meant the men’s room. That’s the thrill of working in a zoo; you never know what urine for. (runs away, dodging tomatoes)
"Aw, man, you didn’t say anything about, like, this gig being at six in the morning, man! ‘Cause, like, I really don’t do mornings, if you know what I mean."
"Will you get up and sing, already? You’re holding up the whole production! That’s our cue!!"
"No, man, really — you take this one, all right? See, I was out with a couple of models last night, and we were, like …"
"Look, mister — you have a contract! No singing, no bird seed!"
Like, crazy, Federico I.
It’s not unusual to have great photos sent to me beeeellions of times. The collection below is no exception… Thanks again, Heather B. Here it is from January ’08:
This Boid is about to take this kitteh to school.
First, kitteh is all: "Is this thing on? tap tap"
Next, kitteh attempts to pet Boid…
Then kitteh becomes just another nesting material for Boid
Next Kitteh is overwhelmed by mini-claw massaging actions
Boid plants official "Bird country" flag on kitteh’s gut as a SYMBOL OF VICTORY
Bye, Hon, Call me later. [Kiss]
See, Nancy P.?!? See how he did that!?
"So I says to him, I says, it’s no skin off my beak how he runs his business, but he oughta be more careful flashin’ that money around or the Feds are liable to learn how he’s been cookin’ the books all these years, which will also come as a bit of a surprise to his wife, since it’s how he’s been paying off that stripper in Reno to keep her mouth shut … say, we’re kinda deep in the forest — are you sure this is the way to the Greyhound station?"
You didn’t see nuttin’, Holly P.
Ducks have it rough in the big city, People. You remember this scene, right?
Well, gather ’round ’cause we have another applicant to the Duck Darwin awards. Sender-Inner Kathryn’s Mom writes:
"Something really amazing happened in Downtown Spokane this week and I had to share the story with you. [My colleague] Joel is a loan officer at Sterling [Savings] Bank. He works downtown in a second story office building, overlooking busy Riverside Avenue. Several weeks ago he watched a mother duck choose the cement awning outside his window as the uncanny place to build a nest above the sidewalk."
"The mallard laid ten eggs in a nest in the corner of the planterthat is perched over 10 feet in the air. She dutifully kept the eggswarm for weeks and Monday afternoon all of her ducklings hatched."
"Joel worried all night how the momma duck was going to get thosebabies safely off their perch in a busy, downtown, urban environment totake to water, which typically happens in the first 48 hours of a duckhatching."
"Tuesday morning, Joel came to work and watched the mother duck encourage her babies to the edge of the perch with the intent to show them how to jump off!"
"The mother flew down below and started quacking to her babies above. Inhis disbelief Joel watched as the first fuzzy newborn toddled to theedge and astonishingly leapt into thin air, crashing onto the cementbelow. He couldn’t watch how this might play out. He dashed out of hisoffice and ran down the stairs the sidewalk where the first obedientduckling was stumbling near its mother from the near fatal fall. Joellooked up. The second duckling was getting ready to jump!"
"He quickly dodged under the awning while the mother duck quacked at himand the babies above. As the second one took the plunge, Joel jumpedforward and caught it with his bare hands before it hit the cement.Safe and sound, he set it by the momma and the other stunned sibling,still recovering from its painful leap."
"One by one the babies continued to jump to join their anxious family below. Each time Joel hid under the awning just to reach out in the nick of time as the duckling made its free fall."
"The downtown sidewalk came to a standstill. Time after time, Joel wasable to catch the remaining 8 and set them by their approving mother."
"At this point Joel realized the duck family had only made part of itsdangerous journey. They had 2 full blocks to walk across traffic,crosswalks, curbs, and pedestrians to get to the closest open water,the Spokane River."
"The onlooking office secretaries then joined in, and hurriedly brought an empty copy paper box to collect the babies. They carefully corralled them, with the mother’s approval, and loaded them up into the white cardboard container. Joel held the box low enough for the mom to see her brood. He then slowly navigated through the downtown streets toward the Spokane River , as the mother waddled behind and kept her babies in sight. As they reached the river, the mother took over and passed him, jumping into the river and quacking loudly. At the water’s edge, the Sterling Bank office staff then tipped the box and helped shepherd the babies toward the water and to their mother after their adventurous ride."
"All ten darling ducklings safely made it into the water and paddled upsnugly to momma duck. Joel said the mom swam in circles, looking backtoward the beaming bank workers, and proudly quacking as if to say,’See, we did it! Thanks for all the help!’"
Did you sell the rights to LifeTime yet, Kathryn M.?
(00:02) Wait for it …
(00:05) Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-it for it …
(00:08) Al-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lmost time …
(00:10) WAKE UP!! IT’S COLONEL SANDERS!!
C.O.X.L.M.C.U.: Whooooaa! [say in Mike Myers voice]
Obligatory triumphant h4x0r:
[Here’s the CO post shown on that cover, by the way. Well spotted, Erin! – Ed.]