Come Tuesday, She’ll Take a Different Route

Perhaps looking somewhat thuggish, they still seemed gentlemanly enough, so when Clarice Starling spotted them on her way to work, she didn’t think twice about it.

As she passed them, she gave them a shy smile. And when she received a smirk in return, she realized the worst: They were mockingbirds. Roosting over a construction site.

“Hey, chick! Nice flanks – they could kind of use some work, dontcha think? And what kind of flight feathers are those? You know, in some human worlds, they’d call your tarsus a cankle! Anyone ever tell you your rump is bigger than a toucan’s mandible?”

Eating crow is hard to swallow, B.J. P.

On the Next Episode of “Real Penguins of the Jersey Shore”…

You get a nice look, guy? You get a big ol’ eyeful? You trying to get her name? Well, her name is Mine, understand? Why don’t you just step off before I peck your face in, a’ight?

Once again, Gary forgot the key element when flashing...his trench coat.

Penguins wearing wife beaters and black chains are always trouble, Sarah W.

Oh, I’ll Wait

Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.

Unfortunately he realized too late that he was waiting for woodpeckers.

The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.

Come Out With Your Wings Up!

Schwenksville, PA — Police today ended a reign of terror as they apprehended notorious crime lord “Feathers” McGinty, suspected of masterminding KFC and Chick-Fil-A robberies across five states.

chicken surprise

I’ll have the “chicken surprise,” Anthea M.

The Strong, Stuffed Silent Type

“… and I really must say how nice it is to meet such a good listener, someone I can open up to and really express myself, because in this day and age, the art of conversation is on its last legs, what with texting and e-mail and all the distractions of modern life, I mean nobody really sets aside the time anymore for a good, old-fashioned chat, in fact I was just telling someone other day…”

Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek-aboo, Steve E.!

I Am Zorgulon, Lord of Hummingbirds!

Earthlings beware! When I wear my Mask of HummingPower, I can communicate telepathically with these small yet deadly creatures, transforming them into an unstoppable army with which I shall conquer the world!  Soon, puny Earth creatures shall kneel before me, or such a poking you’re gonna get!  (Evil laughter!)

Here Comes the ‘Tock Patrol!

Marching up the street, on flat and webby feet,
Here comes the ‘Tock Patrol!
Wiggling their ‘tocks, in kinky knee-length socks,
Look out!  They’re on a roll!

Gosling tocks

The bravest of the brave, no mission they’ll decline,
It’s action that they crave, no behind left behind!
Victory is their motto, Adventure is their goal,
They’re the geese of the ‘Tock Patroooool!

Serious gosling tocks

Now drop and give me twenty, Ryan W.!

Excuse Me, Sir, Can We Get Some More Bread?

I hope it goes right to their hips.

You expect me to bring you more bread after THAT lazy-ass caption?

Photo courtesy of Nigel Treblin/AFP/Getty Images

Tiny Bokker

[head tilt]

[eye plinks]

[head tilt]

[eye plinks]

[beak pecks]

DSCF3681 copy

Plinking, bokking and tiny feathery chest courtesy of Stephanie F.

Get it on

On their quest to find endangered ani-pals, BBC zoologist and reporter Mark Carwardine get entangled with a frisky parrot. Hilarious hijinks ensue!

“Indeed, Suh.” (Say in Stephen Fry Jeeves and Wooster voice)

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