Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.

The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.

Schwenksville, PA — Police today ended a reign of terror as they apprehended notorious crime lord “Feathers” McGinty, suspected of masterminding KFC and Chick-Fil-A robberies across five states.

I’ll have the “chicken surprise,” Anthea M.

“… and I really must say how nice it is to meet such a good listener, someone I can open up to and really express myself, because in this day and age, the art of conversation is on its last legs, what with texting and e-mail and all the distractions of modern life, I mean nobody really sets aside the time anymore for a good, old-fashioned chat, in fact I was just telling someone other day…”

Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek-aboo, Steve E.!

Earthlings beware! When I wear my Mask of HummingPower, I can communicate telepathically with these small yet deadly creatures, transforming them into an unstoppable army with which I shall conquer the world!  Soon, puny Earth creatures shall kneel before me, or such a poking you’re gonna get!  (Evil laughter!)

Marching up the street, on flat and webby feet,
Here comes the ‘Tock Patrol!
Wiggling their ‘tocks, in kinky knee-length socks,
Look out!  They’re on a roll!

The bravest of the brave, no mission they’ll decline,
It’s action that they crave, no behind left behind!
Victory is their motto, Adventure is their goal,
They’re the geese of the ‘Tock Patroooool!

Now drop and give me twenty, Ryan W.!

I hope it goes right to their hips.

Photo courtesy of Nigel Treblin/AFP/Getty Images

[head tilt]

[eye plinks]

[head tilt]

[eye plinks]

[beak pecks]

Plinking, bokking and tiny feathery chest courtesy of Stephanie F.

On their quest to find endangered ani-pals, BBC zoologist and reporter Mark Carwardine get entangled with a frisky parrot. Hilarious hijinks ensue!

“Indeed, Suh.” (Say in Stephen Fry Jeeves and Wooster voice)

It’s just that—well, this is kind of embarrassing—my uniform is at the cleaners.

Little accident with the ketchup dispenser, if you must know.

Ruhmember this guy? The blorp of butter that fell off a plate and into OUR HEARTS?

Just sayin’ it’s COINCIDENTAL THAT THERE IS A NEW WEBSITE called: “This Peanut Looks Like a Duck“

Check it:

I am highly skeptikuhls, Karla B.!