Twofers Bun

It was peculiar, yes. Mr. Fred Jingles had never come across such an uneven ottoman that thumped every second.

If you could stick a carrot in your under arm, I'd really appreciate it.

Would it kill you to offer him a pillow, Jen W.?

Here Comes the ‘Tock Patrol!

Marching up the street, on flat and webby feet,
Here comes the ‘Tock Patrol!
Wiggling their ‘tocks, in kinky knee-length socks,
Look out!  They’re on a roll!

Gosling tocks

The bravest of the brave, no mission they’ll decline,
It’s action that they crave, no behind left behind!
Victory is their motto, Adventure is their goal,
They’re the geese of the ‘Tock Patroooool!

Serious gosling tocks

Now drop and give me twenty, Ryan W.!

It’s Time for Benny’s TV Playhouse!

Hey there, kids!  Welcome to my super-fun TV playhouse!  All my favorite TV pals are here, like Bucky Bear, and Sally the White Object That Might Be a Bunny (I think she passed out on the swing set)!

And you’re just in time to see me hop on my flying carpet and travel …

HPIM2643

To the moon! OK, here I am on the moon… The lunar surface is really bumpy…

HPIM2668

… and it smells just like fabric softener!  Oh, well, as long as I don’t meet up with any scary moon monsters I should be…

HPIM2669_2

… fine.

HPIM2673

Benny’s TV Playhouse is a Jess E. Production!  Benny trained by Jess E.!  Sets designed by Jess E.!  Benny designed by Benny’s mom and dad!  Photos by Jess E. and Jess E.’s Mom!  Executive Senior Script Consultant, NTMTOM!  Fake moon landing set by NASA (I knew it)!  See’ya next week, kids, YAAAAAY!!!

The Domino Effect of Addiction

Doctors have yet to determine a trigger, but all unanimously agree that when one lapses, they all lapse. One of the more tragic cases focuses on Hammy. When asked how he got himself into such a sad mess, he responded:

“Maru, OK! I learned it by watching Maru!

Unbreakable 2 Electric Bugaloo

Poppy was one-of-a-kind, Karen B.

Red Panda Monorail Delay

Attention Passengers.

There will be a 30-minute wait for the Dangling Paw Red Panda Monorail.

Please expect multiple bamboo-nomming delays. [sigh]

Red_Panda_2

Squirrel reinforcements are on their way with back-up nuts.*

Panda

*Wait What!?

Brian B. took these shots at the Smithsonian Zoo.

Scroll-down Stretch-hance

Top half: “stretchy!”

Bottom half: “playing it cool”

DSC00957

STRETCH-HANCE!

paws

Nice e-long-gay-shons, Eve P.

Hit the hamster-sized snooze button, wouldja?

Cute Overload XTreme Muzzlepowsche Close Up (C.O.X.M.C.U.)

And push some of that blue fluffy stuff my way. I’m going back to bed.

Where's the hamster-sized snooze button?

Amy F., turn those lights OUT

Huh?

When you start saying “Must…snorgle…nosicles!” or when you reach for my nose and inexplicably exclaim “Beep!” and then look around and say, “Shifty eyes” to no one else in the room, I get concerned that maybe I’m not hearing things so well.

And I can only assume that’s because you haven’t trimmed my ear hair.

What'chu talkin' 'bout, Owner.

Beep! Beep! Harumph, Kate Elizabeth Q.

How to Survive a Slasher Movie

Rule 1: Don’t Go Upstairs.  Serial killers love to hide in attics, belfrys, cupolas — anyplace that can be reached by a long, slow climb up an endless flight of stairs.

DSC_2931

We traced the calls, Cheng L. — they’re coming from inside the house!!

We Glare—Because We Care!

Are other peoples’ freedoms too much to handle?  Then turn to Outrage, Inc., your one-stop source for manufactured outrage!  Choose from a variety of specialized tantrums, or try our general-purpose “I’m Mad As Hell” package:

Chinese-leopard_1382004i

Want to be the death of the party?  Our “Gloom and Doom” package will show you time-tested secrets to help you bring down any room in seconds!

80630380

Need to look down on others?  Our “TechnoSnob” package will teach you the secret catchphrases that will make you sound just like a jaded expert!

51364396_155dc41aaf_b

So stop feeling irrelevant and ignored!  Call Outrage, Inc. today, and start getting the attention you think you deserve!

Photos: Sad Scottish Fold by Stephanie R., flickr fan by BeccaG

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 13,356 other followers