All Right… So She’s a Dog

MILAN — Stunned art historians announced today that their efforts to restore a priceless collection of 18th-century masterpieces have led to a shocking discovery:  Yelena Sylvania Potzi-Stroganoff, a Russian countess once believed to be the most beautiful woman in the court of Emperor Peter III, was in fact a real dog.

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OK, here’s the real deal: The portrait on the right is example of custom pet portraiture by Valerie Leonard, and you can see this and more on her site.

The Great White Way. Meow.

Nice day. Sun shining. Annoying dogs fetching. It just makes me…want…to…

Not feeling Starlight Express...

...FEELING ALL THE BUMPERS, ALWAYS PLAYING CLEAN, HE PLAYS BY INTUITION, THE DIGIT COUNTERS FALL…THAT DEAF, DUMB, AND BLIND KID SURE PLAYS A MEAN PINBAAAALLLLL!

Aaack...aaaack...oh god, I'm choking on a whisker....AAAACK

What, let me guess – you were expecting something from Cats? Please. I have way more depth than that.

Tommy hears me.

He’s the master of the house, Rachel P.

Bat One, You Are Clear to Drink, Over.

In this amazing Daily Mail article, nature photographer Kim Taylor rigged an entire batcave’s worth of gadgets just to capture these eeety-beety bat tongues as they skimmed his backyard pond.

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Terrific bat-find, Catalina S.

The Panda Had the Right Idea

Damn it, Carl! Did you just eat peanut butter-covered anchovies? You know how allergic I am! Well, when you’re driving in rush hour traffic to take me to the emergency room, I hope this moment will be worth it for you!

Drive-by lickings are on the rise.

My God, Florence. Have you no control? I can’t even give you a simple hug without you blowing your backdoor trumpet. And no, calling them “misdirected burps” does not make them more endearing.

In an attempt to make a giant shadow puppet, they forgot one key element.

There has to be a way of getting out of going to Carl and Francine’s dinner party. Those two are bad enough, but throw in Florence and Hank…? I’d rather sit here alone and count cinder blocks.

I'd like to be alone for a little while, if you don't mind.

Photos courtesy of AP/San Diego Zoo/Tammy Spratt; AP/Martin Meissner; Reuters/Jason Lee

THIS JUST IN: Hollywood Switches Its Cause Du Jour

You may have heard rumblings about a certain controversial celebrity recently incarcerated overseas. Many in Hollywood have a signed a petition asking him to be freed, but you know that cause don’t got cred until Causeactivists Tim Robbins and Sean Penn get on board. To put it into perspective, this cause is so important that they immediately halted their annual bid to end the brutal massacre of innocent pumpkins.

So once again, the troops have been assembled, and their rallying call is:

FREE GONZO!

OK, which of you wacky pachyderms put super glue on my trunk.

Camilla must be worried sick, Muffy M.

Photo courtesy of Steffi Loos/AFP/Getty via Boston.com

Day 13: Still No Sign of the Monster

As the expedition pauses at one of the many watering pools that dot this mysterious island, I note with some frustration that we are no closer to sighting the giant ape known to the natives only as Kong.  If there was only some clue…

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DO NOT SMILE DURING THIS VIDEO

I dare yous!

Ilana B., it’s imposs. Absolutely imposs.

The Weed With Roots in Hell!

Concerned citizens!  Beware the growing scourge of our nation’s kitties: Pot addiction.  This desperate craving plunges innocent kitties into a nightmare of depravity, squandering their youth in so-called “pot parties.”  Parents, does your kitty have a pot habit?  Look for these warning signs:

  • Preference for squeezing into round spaces instead of boxes;
  • Furtively reading gardening magazines;
  • An involuntary twitching at the words mulch, sphagnum, and photosynthesis.

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Our thanks to upstanding citizen Leany A.

Highlights from Fashion Week!

Er…KITTEH-SIZED HIGHLIGHTS!

Style.com is reporting that United Bamboo Designers Aoki and Pham created a kitty-size version of their new collection and shot the looks on actual cats. Check them out, they are making it WORK! [Tim Gunn voice]

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Ehn!

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Fabu-photog-a-roos by Mr. Noah Sheldon.

Domesticated Terrorism

Sure, this guy had always been on their Watch List, but when they received that anonymous tip suggesting they search his private office, they had no idea what they were in for. It was a startling find, and his intended list of targets was long:

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Luckily, they had Dr. Lipschwitz on speed dial.

Don’t worry – McGruff is on the case, Effie. And, happy birthday.

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