THIS JUST IN: a baby wombat in a box

That is all. You may return to your non-wombat-in-a-box-looking-duties now.

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Joanna B. Could be worse. (Se7en alternative box ending video by Mr. Derek N.)

This Might Take a While

“Oh, that’s it, pal — I am so biting you!  You’re in for a chomping, mister!  Prepare yourself for the unforgiving wrath of my jaws, ’cause here it comes!  OK, I’m really gonna let you have it!  Just wait until I sink my fangs into your fuzzy little head, pencil-neck!  You’ll rue the day you were pollinated!  All right, no more practice chomps–it’s slobberin’ time! You want a piece of this, well do ya?  ‘Cause you’re gettin’ it!  Oh, don’t think I won’t do it!  Knock-knock!  Who’s there?  Biting!  Biting who?  Biting you, starting now! I really mean it this time!  You’re getting the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth!  The next thing you’re gonna taste will be the bittersweet kiss of calcium death, with a saliva chaser!  Oh, don’t even think about running away!  Stand up and take what’s eventually coming to you!”

Friday Haiku: Gotta Have My Pops!

Sweetness meets sweetness
Will your haiku stay crunchy
Even within milk?

rat

Dig ‘em, Megan G.  (No, wait, that’s Smacks.)

I’ll Blink After You Blend My Steak

Wait a minute.  I thought we agreed that you would create an emulsion of a 16-oz prime New York strip. You know, on the bone, seared, broiled in a 1600 degree oven, and blended into a delightful goo. With fries. Also goo-ed. Yet now I hear I’m getting a mixture of salty water and B12??? Can I speak to the president of something please?

'Ello! My name is Puss in Boots. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

“Tough Cookie” was found in a box after being hit by a car. She recovered and is presumably doing well with her new owner.

Creamed spinach IVs and all thanks go to Lyndley P.

Twofers Bun

It was peculiar, yes. Mr. Fred Jingles had never come across such an uneven ottoman that thumped every second.

If you could stick a carrot in your under arm, I'd really appreciate it.

Would it kill you to offer him a pillow, Jen W.?

Here Comes the ‘Tock Patrol!

Marching up the street, on flat and webby feet,
Here comes the ‘Tock Patrol!
Wiggling their ‘tocks, in kinky knee-length socks,
Look out!  They’re on a roll!

Gosling tocks

The bravest of the brave, no mission they’ll decline,
It’s action that they crave, no behind left behind!
Victory is their motto, Adventure is their goal,
They’re the geese of the ‘Tock Patroooool!

Serious gosling tocks

Now drop and give me twenty, Ryan W.!

It’s Time for Benny’s TV Playhouse!

Hey there, kids!  Welcome to my super-fun TV playhouse!  All my favorite TV pals are here, like Bucky Bear, and Sally the White Object That Might Be a Bunny (I think she passed out on the swing set)!

And you’re just in time to see me hop on my flying carpet and travel …

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To the moon! OK, here I am on the moon… The lunar surface is really bumpy…

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… and it smells just like fabric softener!  Oh, well, as long as I don’t meet up with any scary moon monsters I should be…

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… fine.

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Benny’s TV Playhouse is a Jess E. Production!  Benny trained by Jess E.!  Sets designed by Jess E.!  Benny designed by Benny’s mom and dad!  Photos by Jess E. and Jess E.’s Mom!  Executive Senior Script Consultant, NTMTOM!  Fake moon landing set by NASA (I knew it)!  See’ya next week, kids, YAAAAAY!!!

The Domino Effect of Addiction

Doctors have yet to determine a trigger, but all unanimously agree that when one lapses, they all lapse. One of the more tragic cases focuses on Hammy. When asked how he got himself into such a sad mess, he responded:

“Maru, OK! I learned it by watching Maru!

Unbreakable 2 Electric Bugaloo

Poppy was one-of-a-kind, Karen B.

Red Panda Monorail Delay

Attention Passengers.

There will be a 30-minute wait for the Dangling Paw Red Panda Monorail.

Please expect multiple bamboo-nomming delays. [sigh]

Red_Panda_2

Squirrel reinforcements are on their way with back-up nuts.*

Panda

*Wait What!?

Brian B. took these shots at the Smithsonian Zoo.

Scroll-down Stretch-hance

Top half: “stretchy!”

Bottom half: “playing it cool”

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STRETCH-HANCE!

paws

Nice e-long-gay-shons, Eve P.

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