Your story has become tiresome

No, I don’t have a CD in my mouth.

Your story is just really boring.

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Beth T. says Molly has had it with your lonnnng explanations.

Catford Brimley says:

“I didn’t go to high school. I think that after you learn to read and write and do your numbers and flush the toilet behind yourself, you don’t need no more schoolin’. You need to get out in the water and swim.”

“I resent the fact that people in places like Boston, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Francisco believe that they should be able to tell us how to live our lives, operate our businesses, and what to do with the land that we love and cherish.”

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“I’ve taken on a little bit of self-discipline that I never had before. In general, I’m looking after myself more. I do the blood tests about five times a day and inject my insulin twice a day, delivered by Liberty, of course.”

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Taffy the Wilford Brimleh impersonator by Christine M. Sent in by Winston Challenger Anna B.!

You’ll Never Nurse in This Town Again

(OK, when I call “Action,” you just turn and read what’s on the card. All right?)

Sure, no problem. Let’s do this.

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(Fine. And … action!)

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Friends, has your mom been tasting a little rancid lately?

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(Wait, that’s not what it says on the…)

I mean not just a bit sour, but that full-on chalky mix of week-old milk, with a hint of tobacco and sardines that just makes you want to toss your cookies, am I right?

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(Uh, if we could just stick to the script here…)

That’s why our mom drinks Schblatz Beer!

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(That’s not even the sponsor! What the hell are you…)

Only Schblatz is double-brewed to be double-smooth, with the taste kitties love…

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(Somebody call Security!)

So treat your mom to a cool, refreshing Schblatz! She’ll love it–and so will you!

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(… and then call Kelly H. in the Casting Office and tell her she’s fired!)

Oh Great and Terrible Monkey God…

… who nourishes our forest with gentle life-giving rains,
… who blesses us with interesting feet that can grab things,
… who makes heavy the trees with delicious fruits that are very hard to open,
… who causes the theme from “The Benny Hill Show” to reverberate inside our tiny heads whenever we frolic and scamper through the treetops,

… all glory and pudding be upon thee, forever and ever, aaaaaaaa-monnnnk…

Guess what?  MONKEY BUTT!

(OK, this is an ape, not a monkey, but we like the sound of “monkey butt,” so deal.)

Total 80s Flashback

Like, oh my god!
Like – totally
Encino is like so bitchen
There’s like the Galleria
And like all these like really great shoe stores
I love going into like clothing stores and stuff
I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
Its like so bitchen cuz like everybodys like
Super-super nice…
Its like so bitchen…

80s

So like I go into this like salon place, yknow
And I wanted like to get my toenails done
And the lady like goes, oh my god, your toenails
Are like so grody
It was like really embarrassing
She’s like oh my god, like bag those toenails
I’m like sure…
She goes, uh, I don’t know if I can handle this, y’know…
I was like really embarrassed…

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I’m like totally bowing in the direction of Frank Zappa right now. And Sender-Inner Abby B is a total space cadet.

Oxymoron alert: The Disapproving Fawn

She’s fawning! She’s disapproving! Fawning! Disapproving! She frightens and confuses me!

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Typical chick, Jaclyn S.!

Heart-Kun’s little bro gets in on the action

Ya’ll remember Heart Kun, the Japanese (natch) Chihuahua born with a heart-shaped marking on his coat. The one that brought great luck and lottery winnings to their owners? Well, according to the Los Angeles Times, Heart-kun has a new younger brother “Love-kun” also born with a heart-shaped marking. Behold!

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In case you missed him the first time, here is Heart-Kun, in his debut photos;

All the credit goes to Alert Sender-Inners Mike B and Laura W., The Los Angeles Times and Snopes.com.

Alpaca If I Want’a

Back on January 31st of 2007, we busted these two in flagrante delicious. Now researched, resized, and recidivindicated for 2009.

Will you please look at this sheared neck action, and accidental bebeh Alpaca smoooosh. Could be a good one to send to that certain someone on Valentine’s day. It’s like; “I theenk I want to smoosh you, but I’m only 90% sure/shear”

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Nice McSmooshersons, Christina P…

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

♫ Oh yeah, I
♪ I don’t care that
♪ You had some typing planned

♪ ‘Cause I
♫ Need attention
♪ I wanna hold your haaaaaaaaaaaaand!

I shall leek/nom you

It’s hardly my fault, you’re just scrumptious! [Forehead nibblage]

THAT is a thorough forehead cleaning, Ava, Nibbles and Sender-Inner Don A.