I Di’int Do Nuffin’

OK Pupster, did you shred the throw pillows, chew the fringe off the rug and pull the curtains down?

Um… no.

We believe you Duane! Don’t we, Tamara K.?

Straighten Up Your Act, Fellas!

Men, do you suffer from that “rumpled” look? Are you embarrassed in social situations by wrinkled T-shirts? Stay neat all day the easy way, with Kit-T-Smooth™!

Simply hide Kit-T-Smooth in your pocket and relax, as the patented Grab-R™ arms automatically smooth and straighten, for that “neat look” all ladies like!

Jamie Lee A. says: “This is Wedge (Or Ruby Buzzknuckle, we haven’t decided.) She was found in a coworker’s engine block after a 45 minute drive from San Marcos to Austin. She prefers small spaces (like pockets and engine blocks.)”

C.O. Consumer News

WASHINGTON — The Federal Trade Commission today announced tougher guidelines aimed at pet stores, including stricter truth-in-labeling requirements.

Cocoa doesn’t look like a bad dog to us, Janet L.

Monday is Upon Us

Perky Kitty McPerkysons is perky. So you don’t have to be.

You can go back to bed now, Lindsay L.

The Ham Shank Redemption

“Hey, Lenny! I think I found a way outta this prison! We just crawl under this thing and make a break for it! Acapulco, here we come! I can taste the mojitos now…”

“Shh! Quiet, it’s the warden!”

“Boy, oh boy, another fun-filled day of being a pig! This is the life, eh?”

“You said it! I sure hope they serve us slop again for dinner! I love slop!”

Get busy livin’, or get busy styin’, Juliette V.

Places, Places Everybun!

Hey everybunny, let’s put on a show!
Oh, where art thou Romeo…

Let’s clean up the barn, and do a musical!
Oh noes, I disapprove of snoozicals.

Dress rehearsal. From the top!
Opening night. What if I’m a flop?

Grace E. has upstaged us all with her happy farm bunnies.

“Are you tired, rundown, listless?”

“…Do you poop out at parties?”

Sender-Inner Ammy H. tells us her Mom rescued Spot from a very big highway – whew!

(And happy 100th birthday to another precious redhead, Lucille Ball!)

THIS JUST IN: Bebeh Dolpheen

SeaWorld Orlando welcomed a new guest last Tuesday: A slightly stripey dolphin calf. The calf, sex still unknown, is nursing and bonding in SeaWorld’s Dolphin Nursery, where new and experienced mothers and their calves live together.

Thanks to Nikki T. at SeaWorld.

Keesingk Booth: 1 Scent

Allo kitty-kitty. Yeau are veray, how do you say, curious? Never keesed a chinchilla before? (tail sweeshinks) Come closair and try an exotic fruit-ah!

Waitaminit lady. That French accent isn’t even real. You’re a chinchilla, and chinchillas are like, from Peru, and stuff.


Allo poopay. What ees youaire plezaire?

I like fruit! Got any oranges?

Oh behave, Sarah K., Kirby (chinchilla) and Lucy (puppy) and Taco (kitten)!

Today Is Your Day, Enid Snotgrabbler!

I won’t sugar-coat it, Enid — the star of the show just sprained her ankle in a bizarre mishap involving a damp mop, two pogo sticks and a corned beef on rye with cole slaw… and you’re the only one who can go on in her place!

So we’re all counting on you — the actors, the backers, the ticket scalpers, everything hangs on you giving the performance of a lifetime! You’re going out there a prairie dog, Enid Snotgrabbler… but you’ve got to come back a star!

That kid’s got moxie, Robyn R.


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