The Return of Benson Hedges, Private Eye!

In our last chapter of the adventures of Benson Hedges, Private Eye, our hero tracked down the notorious crime boss, “Squeaky” Lowenstein.  Can Benson make this hardened criminal quack under questioning?  Tune in for the next thrilling episode!

You ain't getting a peep outta me, gumshoe!

Remember, no enhanced interrogation techniques, Kate G.

Great Scot!

"Ach, how dearly I love to stroll the hills an’ valleys o’me beloved East Kibblearneyshire-on-Heath, land o’me birth. To watch the mornin’ mist creepin o’er the moors… To hoist a pint wi’the lads down at the Goose and Gristle… And the lassies. Aye, the bonnie lassies, greetin’ ye with a hearty ‘hoocch floocch nae’Gloocch!‘ Aye, there dinna be nae finer country in Heaven an’ Earth than me own bonnie…"

"Oh, will you give it a rest already, Brigadoofus?  This is Des Moines!"

( Ach, I kinna stands that cat. )

The dilithium crystals kinna handle the cute, Carrie B.!

CoverPup “Chevy”

"Chevy" the Pop is showing off some full bleed Pomeranian ACTION. We’re talking an entire FACE FULL OF SCHNOZZLE.

That’s right:

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"Muuu hwa hwa hwa hwa hwa!"

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Pom "Chevy" over at NonMinus pants in your general direction.

THIS JUST IN: Kitten leeps!

Leeps.

Of a Kitten.

There’s some fang-like protrusions going on there too.

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LIP-HANCE!

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Amy H. says she has more pics of her kittens of their Christmas outfits at her website. That’s just great.

The Dog Did It

"Touch nothing!" ordered Inspector LaFlange as he entered the study.  In the room were the bodies of T. Randolph Flosswinkle, billionaire inventor of sonar-guided nose-hair clippers, and his top accountant, Bryce Porterhouse. Immediately, the Inspector’s keen senses picked up the scent of foul play. "This was no accident," he declared.  "This case has the unmistakable odor — OF MURDER!"

If you took me off that high-fiber dog food, these things wouldn't happen.

Do NOT go in there, Stacy C.

Area Wallaby Experiences Porch for First Time

There’s always that first, tentative outing to the porch, People. Your first trip outside, I bet you were crying like a baby.

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It’s going to be OK Ellie R. Deep brefs.

That is IT!

"I’m weaning you right now!"

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YOW, Goodwin D.! Holy Galapagos nibbling action!

Inaugural Ball-Crashers Compare Notes

"… well, first we tried the MTV Youth Inaugural Ball, but it was strictly A-listers and they had these huge goons working security, so we were able to sneak into Foreign Diplomats Inaugural Ball for a half-hour because they thought we were waiters, but then they kicked us out when they caught us swimming in the punch bowl.  Finally, we ended up at the Mid-Atlantic States Linoleum Manufacturers for Change Gala; they were pretty much letting anybody with a tux in after 10:30 …"

They had a nice 'O' ice sculpture, too. Very comfy.

Party on, Jane K.

I… notice you have nachos…

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Sender-Inner Mark says "Please enjoy their cheesey little noses." Done.

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How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?

I wanna be the first dog to piddle on the moon!Now, I was told there'd be an in-flight movie...

Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.

"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)

But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:

Hrrphth mrrpth ith glurrphtth! Fancy a spot of sherry in the officer's club, old bean? Workers arise! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
President-for-life, Spanielvania
N-no c-c-coffee for m-me, th-thanks... I've ... SEEN things. (shudder) Lick that fur, soldier! You're a disgrace to this cat's Army!
Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball