Ask The Pet Genius

Jure T. writes us to say: “This is my new puppy (female) called Tara. I’m not really sure what kinda information do you need to make a post on the site but the most important part is that she prefers swimming in her water bowl instead drinking from it.”

Dear Jure: There’s a perfectly rational explanation why she doesn’t want to drink from the bowl. It tastes just like a dog’s been swimming in it.

How Does She Find Anything In Here?

Lottery ticket, cough drops, scrunchie, banana, measuring tape, ketchup packets, ice scraper, parking ticket, knitting, a fan belt, tarot card, chunky key chain, pizza delivery guy, guitar pick, rubber ducky, mints, a spork, stress ball, sewing kit, gloves…

A-ha! French fries!


Looks like Poptart is he who holds the purse strings, Mary K.

The Lurking Terror in the Basket

As I descended into the dungeon labyrinth, a foul odor assaulted my senses, the stench of freshly rotting corpses mingled with the dank mold of eons, and a hint of vanilla. I whispered the chant the elders had taught me — tarath n’Ghol nabisco blayvin — and held aloft the Divine Eggplant of Protection.

And there, as foretold, was the ancient basket, wherein lay a horror so wretched that the elders could not speak its name without making a “hlgrrlph” sound. I had hoped to take it asleep, but was too late; the demonic eyes glowed from within. It had seen me.


Tara N. confesses: “I think that deep down in, Guinnie knows she needs baskethab, but she’s not quite willing to admit it yet.”

Hey You Guyths!

Whath’s Uuuuuuthp?


I can’t decide if your dog should move to Nerdsville or Williamsburg, Bailey H.

Honestly, What’s the Big Deal?

I mean, it’s not like we ever see you actually use the yellow pages anymore. You have that beep-boop-beep magic screen on your desk for that now. And you haven’t needed a booster seat for the kids since the youngest entered middle school. So what are you yelling and screaming about? Sheesh!


“My dearly departed phonebook. My dogs Keaton and Grady. I guess they were bored.” says Kristin W. And when animals get bored, Rule 32 gets busy.

50’s High School Memories

Ah, those were the best days of our lives. Dad lent me the keys to the wheel, and me and Becky Sue shared a lemon fizz before heading over to the “Enchantment Under the Sawdust” dance at Habitrail High School…


Katie S. says: “The video of two bunnies fighting over a water bottle was cute, but my gerbils actually drink from their bottle simultaneously! Sprocket’s on the left and Spigot is on the right.” Wait, isn’t the spigot in the middle?

So, That’s What an Invisible Barrier Looks Like

Returning from an alternate cosmic kitty universe, Floof Invader discovers her portal covered by a force field.

Will Floof Invader have to use the sofa cushion portal? The crinkle tunnel? The laundry basket?

Clear the way for Cupcakes, Mary K.!

Hedgie-fledgelets!

Momular hedge with her bebeh hedgetots in their hedgearium (to be scientific).

Hedgehog hugs! Aw, lookit each one’s wee loving paw stretched out. OK kids, time to let mama curl up into a ball now.

Do mom hedgehogs crave ice cream and prickles, Jourdan S.?

Bun, Bun, Bun, The Auto Bun

To get sales hopping, new Volkswagen Rabbits now include a real one!

Owners Kaylee and Victor say, “Gibson Bunny loves car rides and making faces at dogs as we pass them!”

Apocalypse Bow-Wow

As the pilot steered us upriver, I reviewed Colonel Kats’ file. The Army had sent their finest dogs to chase him, but nothing had come back but rumors — whispers of a cult deep in the jungle, where dogs and mice alike worshipped Kats like a god.


The pilot, a schnauzer named Chase, had been eyeing me nervously the whole trip. Finally he spoke. “My orders say I’m not supposed to know where I’m taking this boat, so I don’t!” he said. “But one look at you, and I know it’s gonna be hot.”


Susan G. shares a letter: “My name is Chase, and I’m a 9 year old miniature schnauzer. Ok… I’m not so miniature. Anyway, these are pictures of me driving my daddy’s boat this summer in Summerville, South Carolina.”

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