We Have Angered the Vacuum God!

Flee while you can, lest ye feel the wrath of His mighty crevice attachment!

Beauty and the Bulldog

What beauty could ever learn to love a beast?  Before the last petals fall?

This is Tamara L.’s French Bulldog. Oh Oslo, you sexeh beast you!

Will that be all, mallard?

Aristoquacks, though endangered, are most commonly seen in the countryside, since they own most of it. Distinguishing features include their simply spiffing clothing, which used to belong to Mummy and Daddy, and their oft-heard call of “Harrumph.” Unaccustomed as they are to work, aristoquacks are ever so fond of spending their days dabbling and preening and wittering, “Lads, I think the pheasants are revolting.”


This eggstavagant photo by Polly.

Squeels on Wheels

Ooh! Out of the way Mary Kay! We’re two hamster guys pootling along, cruising in plastic flamingo style, at 3 MylittlePoniesperHour, getting in touch with our bubblegum side. More pink than all the world’s cotton candy wadded together. If we do a donut it’ll have sprinkles, and we’ll get arrested by Officer Barbie, ooh!


Thank you, Alisha, for sharing Peanut and Deuce, Chinese dwarf hamsters. Beep, beep!

THIS JUST IN: Prosh Pumpkin Poser

The New York Aquarium at Coney Island is gearing up for fall, and that means passing out the pumpkins to cuties like Tazo, the adorable sea otter.


But life wasn’t always so good to Tazo. Orphaned in the wilds of Alaska, the pup was rescued by the Aquarium last year and lovingly raised by keeper Nicole Pisciotta. Here’s a typical day in their lives:

Photo by Julie Larsen Maher/Wildlife Conservation Society

I… Really… Hate… This… Pen!

Begone wees eet! How many times I gotta tell you? You stupeed or sometheeng?

Keepin’ it Real

Unbeknownst to many, surfing was invented by pugs, which accounts for their epic, gnarly gnar gnar.


All Daisy needs is a tasty wave and a buzz, Michelle B.

Tales of the Floof Hunter

Ironically, it’s the tedium I treasure most — long treks through the boundless backcountry, collating memories and half-eaten dreams. But if it’s solitude that fills a man’s soul, it’s the flash of danger that hones it, gives it purpose, shows a man what he was meant to be.

I’d been tracking the great buck for over a week, never certain if I was hot or cold. More than once, a random clue offered hope: a few strands of floof among the azaleas, an errant paw print on the dining room carpet. But always nothing.

I was ready to return to base camp for supplies. That’s when I saw him.


He was even bigger than I imagined, with a thick, luxurious coat of prime quality floof, worth thousands on the open market — but only in one piece. The trick was to scare the creature out of its skin so that the floof could be taken whole. And for that, I’d have to sneak up from behind.

Seizing the advantage of cover, I made my approach. I had only a moment to settle on a method; with the younger ones a simple “geeba, geeba, geeba!” is enough, but the big males are harder to startle. Quietly, I reached for my air horn…


Alice H. says: “Meet Daisy, our lovely nine-year-old Maine Coon and our brand new three-month-old rescued kitten Ricky Stubbs. Stubby is absolutely obsessed with Daisy’s tail and just can’t help himself from stalking her, sneaking up behind her and taking a swipe. This can go on for half an hour or so with Daisy hissing patiently over her shoulder until she finally gets pissed off and lets him have it.”

A Nutcracker, Sweet!

You! Bourgeoisie human veeth many valnuts! Een my homeland, squirrels are stronk, haff no need for decadent Vestern nutcrackers! You geeve valnuts to me now! I veel be crushingk dem veeth bare hands for you!


“Tough Girl” is by Ingrid Taylar.

Carpe Dream

Fido figured he would have better luck in his recurring dream of chasing the cat if he went to sleep in the cat’s bed. Little did he know the nightmare that lay ahead…


Sender-Inner Carol B., tells us, “Charley loves seepin in the cat’s scratcher hammock.”, and dreaming of bacon, no doubt.

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