Break Out the Pitchforks and Torches!

Washington, D.C. — Outraged legislators renewed calls for banning human-animal hybrids after researchers at the Frankenstein Institute for Extremely Scary Science announced the creation of a “lambaby.”  According to a spokesperson for an angry mob that stormed the Institute, “arghle grumble blaarphle rhubarb rhubarb!”


I have just one word for you, Brynne M.: PASICKIE!

Oh, I’ll Wait

Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.

Unfortunately he realized too late that he was waiting for woodpeckers.

The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.

Kitten in the Keys

The piano is my forte, and I love to lie down in it,
It suits my laid-back at-etude, I don’t care how you spinet.
When I’m keyed up, can’t stay upright, life’s tempo gets too taxing,
I lie for just a minuet, and presto! I’m relaxing.

I’m never too Bizet to take a nap where notes are rolling,
When melodies float like the breeze, this console’s quite consoling.
So play whatever song you like; Chopsticks to Clair de Lune-a,
For where there’s a piano, I expect piano tuna.


We all octave a kitty like that, Kristina V.

Gargamel’s New Pet

I’ve been trying to look more evil and less snuggley, I swear. And yes, I’ll try to grow into my paws faster. Look,  I know I have a lot to live up to, but I’m trying. Really. Please, I can’t sit in these Smurf undergarments any longer.

How would you feel if I stuck you in the Jolly Green Giant's briefs?

Azrael, a little help here?

I just found something that looks like a blue jellybean in here...

Papa Smurf had a big ass, Sandy S.

Come Out With Your Wings Up!

Schwenksville, PA — Police today ended a reign of terror as they apprehended notorious crime lord “Feathers” McGinty, suspected of masterminding KFC and Chick-Fil-A robberies across five states.

chicken surprise

I’ll have the “chicken surprise,” Anthea M.

The Persian Gallery

I don’t get it. What does she do? What do you mean, she just sits in there all day? Can you tap the glass or something? She has an Artist’s Statement??? Because as far as I can tell, she’s neither an artist, nor does she make any kind of statement. You know what? Here’s my statement: You come to my house tomorrow and I’ll charge you $40 to watch me sit on the couch all day. How’s that?

Purrformance Art

Heavy on the tannins, Marco B.

Spring Cleaning

Stefanie had been looking for it for months, so she was thrilled when she finally found her ring under the bed. Of course, her discovery made her realize that she should really clean more often.

I's can't see but me thinks you be holding a turnip?

Nice dust bunny, Stefanie H.

Pachyderm Don’t Play that Way

It happened so fast that he barely heard the massive snorf or felt the violent whoosh of air. But when he looked down, Paul realized that his entire forearm had been sucked up her trunk, and the look in her eyes said, “I don’t have to give it back, you know.” It was the first and last time Paul would play “I got your nose!” with Ellafante.

Oh honey, you best let go of that peanut if you want to keep your dignity.

That’s a risky little game, Christoph G.

Like we’re going to wait to Mother’s day to post this

Starting right meow, we’re posting kittens whenever we like. We’re not waiting for special holidays or Caturdays to roll around. It’s meow or never Mother’s Day! Hurry up meow!


Not so funny meow is it Amy S.?

Time for the C.O. Traffic Report

This is “Captain” Lance Monkeypants in CuteCopter One, and we’re getting reports of puppies attacking cars on the southbound I-812 at Bleen Street.  This is a multiple-puppy situation, very aggressive, and they are simply not letting any car get past them, so drivers are advised to use surface streets until further notice.

Now over to Ellie B. with the weather!


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