The ALL-KNOWING KITTEH

Look, I didn’t ASK for this kitten to see through to my soul, OK? It just does.

It can see my innermost thoughts… it can tell me my innermost feelingks!

It knows I left the iron on, it knows I stole candy cigarettes from Bergmann’s department store in fourth grade and that I haven’t been to the dentist in five years—HALP!

Intense

No one is safe, Maureen C.! NO ONE!

What does this kitteh see about YOU!?

Night of the HUMANS!

Coming soon to this theater: NIGHT OF THE HUMANS!  Witness the blood-curdling terror of marauding humans and their ghoulish hunger for DOGGIE BRAINS!  Nothing can stop these mindless beasts as they comb the countryside, fiendishly feasting on furry flesh!

SEE! Terriers terrorized!  SEE! Dachshunds devoured!  SEE! Mastiffs masticated!  Due to the shocking graphic nature of this film, children under 17 will not be admitted without a ticket!  See NIGHT OF THE HUMANS — in gut-wrenching 3-D Snorg-O-Vision!

Well, I really wasn't using it anyway, so...

Let’s schnack on a schnauzer, Stacey S.

Honey? you got any black hair dye?

‘Cause I’m making a video about a "Panda Dog" [does air quotes] and I need some.

Honey? What—what’s that look for?

Um, Nice try, Brinke G. but no cigarillo.

Must be pledge week at Monkey U

Bro!—not everyone is Alpha Tau Omega material. You gotta, like, earn it. [Adjust baseball cap and spits chew into cup]

Prove your loyalty by taunting baby tigers, endure paddling by your Big Brother, successfully wrestle Brother Tacker naked in the jello kiddie pool and come back to the House with a girl’s panties by midnight TONIGHT!

[Secret handshake] Please, Xenia V., may we have another?

Extended monkeying here.

and here.

And one, and two and one, and feel the burn and one

Come on, and one
and two, and one,
and step it out and—

Image020

Don’t panda to me, Avital B.!

Oh, This Is Just SO Wrong…

All right, people, do the math with me:  (Ultra-prosh fuzzy pupper-puff) PLUS (Cuddly infant version of beloved cartoon character) TIMES (Vaguely suggestive naughty pose) EQUALS ZOMG THINK OF TEH CHILDRENS ITS TEH END WERE ALL DOOOOOMED WE GONNA BURN IN H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEYSTICKS AARRRRGGHH (froth, froth, thud)

... then I don't wanna be right, bay-bay.

Gee, thanks for collapsing Western civilization, Betsy. There go my plans for the weekend.

Interspecies Snorgling—Canada Style

Here’s what I think happened. This Polar Bear bear obviously saw the Interspecies Snorgling section of C.O. and decided to investigate his local options.

Tenative at first, the bear wandered over to a pack o’ sled dogs in Canada’s Hudson Bay and approached a Snorglee.

Beardog1_2

What followed next can only be described as a solid Husky Snorf™.

Beardog3

With one inhalation, the bear was hooked.

Beardog2

The public nomming displays kinda got outta control, drawing the attention of local photographers.

Beardog4

A great romance ensued, complete with chains [The sign of any great romance]

Beardog5

Polarbears_amazonI’m SURE everyone lived happily ever after. Snopes has verified this story, People. So it’s tewtelly for reals. Photos by the fabulous Norbert Rosing.

P.S., Norbert is the same Dude who took this awesome shot, on the cover of his book. Holy Symmetrical Haunch Action!

Ralph Makes a Break for It

9:47 PM: 

"Ah HAH!  The others are sleeping — now is my perfect opportunity to scale these walls to FREEDOM!"

11:19 PM: 

"YES!  Almost halfway to the top now, and then it’s goodbye to this provincial life — and hello to adventure!"

2:31 AM: 

"This box is no place for a wayfaring vagabond such as I!  Just a few inches more, and the open road awaits!"

Friday: 

"The casinos of Monte Carlo! (ehn!) The vibrant culture of London and New York! (ungh!) The pristine sands of Cabo San Lucas!"

2012: 'Ah, I can taste the mojitos now...'

Drop us a postcard when he hits the other side, Matilda S.

Live Tribble!!!

However, as far as I know, Tribbles don’t have teeny tail fluffs and jaunty bouncing action.

This may be another species altogether… [Say in stilted Kirk voice]

The Trouble with Pomeranians, Christine L.

Tribble_ds9k7_kirkluke2

Pop-up Video, C.O. Style

0:15 Bat Bat

0:36 Curled Paw Rule of Cuteness #22

0:45 Cats ‘n’ Crotches

1:08 Crossed paws

1:35 Baby Boxhab

1:44 Oh, I am soooo beau-tee-fuhls!

1:55 Is this thing on!?

I LOVE IT when a song just MAKES the video. Sweet work, AVPhibes. Credit for this find goes to Karen C. [You win golden Binoculars award]

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