"Excuse me, flight attendant, if there will be a choice of snack then I would like pretzels instead of peanuts because I have allergies, and I also need to know if the in-flight movie will be age-appropriate for myself and my traveling companions, and I noticed that the gentleman across the aisle did not return his tray table to the full upright position during takeoff, in direct violation of FAA regulations…"
"Oh yeah, I made my bed, all right… I MADE IT BEG FOR MERCY! BWAH-ha-ha-ha-haaaaah! That’s right, I’ll show the furniture in this house who’s boss!"
You must be on a first-name basis at Pier 1 by now, Angela S.
… and if you’ve just joined us, it’s been an inaction-packed afternoon as we enter the ninth blink-less hour of the showdown between Zeke, the young challenger, and Karma, seasoned veteran starer. And it looks like neither of these determined dogs are giving any ground as… wait a minute, I’m told there’s been a ruling from the line judge…
… and… ZEKE HAS BLINKED! Yes, it’s been confirmed, Zeke has blinked, and that means that Karma retains the Championship Staring title, and it looks like Zeke may be out for the rest of the season to undergo eye adjustments…
Back to you in the studio, Stacy W.
I used to dread tax time. All that figuring and scribbling, just to please the mean old IRS. But all that’s changed now, thanks to the revolutionary tax tool, SkunkWorx™!
Just put SkunkWorx on your books, and relax. Only SkunkWorx uses the exclusive AroMath™ System, so that your numbers look good — and smell bad. So give Uncle Sam a little something extra this year, with SkunkWorx!
(I)t’s (R)eally (S)norgleable, Sarah W.
"Look, how many times do I have to tell you people? I don’t care how many tin cans you throw in, we’re very happy with our current alfalfa supplier! Now stop calling me!!"
Someone wanted to talk to the goat, submitted by Ross O. Ross, maybe it’s time to join the national "do not bleat" registry.
Way to go, Questionable Content!
This one sent in by everyone and their bros, especially Fiv3r!
DAY TWO: After completing atmospheric and temperature evaluations, I am ready to exit the landing module and begin my initial survey.
The surface is peppered for miles in every direction with deep, treacherous craters, evidence perhaps of violent meteor showers that once ravaged this planet…
… and yet, even among these wastelands, I find remnants of a once-great civilization, which built vast cities, drank overpriced coffee, and constructed gleaming white spaceships in which they fled the devastation of their beloved world…
We come in peace, Ron M.