"I’m weaning you right now!"
YOW, Goodwin D.! Holy Galapagos nibbling action!
"… well, first we tried the MTV Youth Inaugural Ball, but it was strictly A-listers and they had these huge goons working security, so we were able to sneak into Foreign Diplomats Inaugural Ball for a half-hour because they thought we were waiters, but then they kicked us out when they caught us swimming in the punch bowl. Finally, we ended up at the Mid-Atlantic States Linoleum Manufacturers for Change Gala; they were pretty much letting anybody with a tux in after 10:30 …"
Party on, Jane K.
Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.
"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)
But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:
| Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
|Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
|Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
| Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
|Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
|Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball
…wherein Ripley’s cat Jones, rescued from the Nostromo, becomes a host for an altogether floofier form of Alien.
No chest-bursting (it’s a PG cert, folks!), just an awful lot of furberts—less HR Giger and more HR Pufnstuf.
Movie is now playing (and lying around showing off its belly) at local theaters.
See you at the movies, Ana and Scooter!
Rise up this mornin, then I napped in the sunny spot,
Three little birds, pitch by my doorstep
So I killed them, and put the bits in your shoe
This is my present to you-hoo-oo.
According to sender-inner Jada, "Rasta-Kitty" Pickle has just One Love—a big bowl of ‘nip and mellowing out to some classic Reggae cuts to Satisfy His Soul. Movement of Jah kittehs…mon.
WELL! I never thought I’d live to see such shameless acts of licentiousness out in public! In my day, a young lady had the decency to faint rather than allow young ruffians to ravage them for all to see! Hummph! And just who is responsible for this outrage upon morality?!
Oh, I don’t know, could it be … Megan?!
I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress carrot, and think things over.
My mind is going, Van M.
People, I realized that rule #31 and Rule #36 were like, identical (Someone in QA is soooo getting fired) So I am creating a NEW rule #31.
Rule of Cuteness #31; The ‘Stubbular” stage is cute. That means a young ani-pal with short, non-grown limbs or tails. Here’s what I mean:
Let’s get stubbular! stubbular! [sing in Olivia Newton John voice]
Hey, I gotta work order here says I’m suppose’ta deliver a shipment of disapproving bunny to this here residence. So where you want I should be dumping it, already?
Sign here, Richard G.