The Dog Did It

"Touch nothing!" ordered Inspector LaFlange as he entered the study.  In the room were the bodies of T. Randolph Flosswinkle, billionaire inventor of sonar-guided nose-hair clippers, and his top accountant, Bryce Porterhouse. Immediately, the Inspector’s keen senses picked up the scent of foul play. "This was no accident," he declared.  "This case has the unmistakable odor — OF MURDER!"

If you took me off that high-fiber dog food, these things wouldn't happen.

Do NOT go in there, Stacy C.

Area Wallaby Experiences Porch for First Time

There’s always that first, tentative outing to the porch, People. Your first trip outside, I bet you were crying like a baby.

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It’s going to be OK Ellie R. Deep brefs.

That is IT!

"I’m weaning you right now!"

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YOW, Goodwin D.! Holy Galapagos nibbling action!

Inaugural Ball-Crashers Compare Notes

"… well, first we tried the MTV Youth Inaugural Ball, but it was strictly A-listers and they had these huge goons working security, so we were able to sneak into Foreign Diplomats Inaugural Ball for a half-hour because they thought we were waiters, but then they kicked us out when they caught us swimming in the punch bowl.  Finally, we ended up at the Mid-Atlantic States Linoleum Manufacturers for Change Gala; they were pretty much letting anybody with a tux in after 10:30 …"

They had a nice 'O' ice sculpture, too. Very comfy.

Party on, Jane K.

I… notice you have nachos…

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Sender-Inner Mark says "Please enjoy their cheesey little noses." Done.

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How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?

I wanna be the first dog to piddle on the moon!Now, I was told there'd be an in-flight movie...

Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.

"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)

But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:

Hrrphth mrrpth ith glurrphtth! Fancy a spot of sherry in the officer's club, old bean? Workers arise! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
President-for-life, Spanielvania
N-no c-c-coffee for m-me, th-thanks... I've ... SEEN things. (shudder) Lick that fur, soldier! You're a disgrace to this cat's Army!
Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball

Alien V – The Snorgling

…wherein Ripley’s cat Jones, rescued from the Nostromo, becomes a host for an altogether floofier form of Alien.

No chest-bursting (it’s a PG cert, folks!), just an awful lot of furberts—less HR Giger and more HR Pufnstuf.

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Movie is now playing (and lying around showing off its belly) at local theaters.

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See you at the movies, Ana and Scooter!

Bob Meowly

Rise up this mornin, then I napped in the sunny spot,
Three little birds, pitch by my doorstep
So I killed them, and put the bits in your shoe
This is my present to you-hoo-oo.

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According to sender-inner Jada, "Rasta-Kitty" Pickle has just One Love—a big bowl of ‘nip and mellowing out to some classic Reggae cuts to Satisfy His Soul. Movement of Jah kittehs…mon.

Get A Room!

WELL! I never thought I’d live to see such shameless acts of licentiousness out in public! In my day, a young lady had the decency to faint rather than allow young ruffians to ravage them for all to see! Hummph! And just who is responsible for this outrage upon morality?!

Why don't you take a picture, Grandma, it'll last longer.

Oh, I don’t know, could it be … Megan?!

Open The Pod Bay Doors, HAL

I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Feed me, Seymore! Feed me NOW!

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress carrot, and think things over.

Ooh, when I get my hands on him, he is SO rebooted.

My mind is going, Van M.

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