Ugh. The Dreaded Holiday Pop-In

Yoohoo, anyone home? I brought you a fruitcake I made last year!

Hellooooo…? It’s Carl and Agnes! We have non-alcoholic eggnog, Brussel sprouts, and a hankering to sing carols!

Hey, uh, anyone home? Last night I accidentally ran over a grandma. Can I hide out at your place for a few days?

Stella, here! I brought over stuff for scrapbooking! Wow, your peephole is really dirty!

Anyone there? Maude just left me. For a Clydesdale. He pulls a one horse open sleigh or something. Can I come in and talk about it for a few hours?

Wait, that’s not a reverse peephole, right Julie C.?

Still Life With Cute

Sharpen your pencils, class.  Today, you are going to continue last week’s still life exercises, with a special emphasis on contrast.   Study this arrangement, and then capture as best you can the feeling of total stillness, of complete and utter inertia — and then contrast that with the fruit.

Your cat Daniel looks familiar, Tal S.  Has he posed for any motel art?

Well, This is Just Getting Ridiculous

Excuse Me? When I said I wanted just a hair more of cinnamon, this is not what I meant.

Not even a pound of sugar would sweeten this angry bunny, Kelsey H.

Need I Remind You, We Both Have Thumbs

Civilian, please do not touch the animal while I work. I possess a highly skilled craft; you do not. Let my healing hands guide the way to a cure to this terrible problem.

And…Yes, I think I’ve done it. The animal should finally be rid of this very unpleasant case of Singultus.

Dr. McDomineering and patient McPanty might make “Grey’s Anatomy” watchable, Martin I.

Gravity sucks

I’m glued to the ground. Did someone slip me a mickey or something?

Seriously, is there some kind of giant magnet below me? Did I ingest a lot of iron?

He goes against the grain, Joie B.

The Reason Gertrude Squeaks, When Poked

No, I haven’t seen him. What do you mean, I look guilty? Maybe he went for a walk or something, I dunno. But I know for sure that I didn’t eat Rubber Ducky. No, definitely not.

Poke Gertrude Here!

Let me guess, Jenny B.: Calgon.

Scientists Discover Evolved, Even More Unenthused, Breed

When our team engaged specimen (code name “Blow Dry”) with friendly snuggles and delicious alfalfa, specimen exhibited fascinating new “threatening” behavior.

Meet the Puffer Bun.

What’s it like living with Santa Claws, Hillary B.

Dainty, She Ain’t

When she wasn’t driving her rig, Bertha liked to let it all hang out and relax. Not surprisingly, her roommate, Prudence, wasn’t around much.

What a lady, Charlotte D.

Ladies & Gentlemen, the Clever Hamsters

It was another tear-stained night in the French Quarter, heartbreak hanging over every street like a grieving fog.  There was already a row of shot glasses on the bar in front of me, drained like fallen soldiers, but I still had sorrows to drown.

It was Amateur Night, when every cab driver with the ten-spot to get his horn out of hock took his turn in the shadows of Parker and Gillespie.  A beady-eyed quartet shuffled on stage; with luck, they’d only butcher a few numbers before slinking away in shame.  I ordered another shot and braced myself for the worst.

But then they started to play…

Like coolsville, Amy F.

Friday Haiku: Puppy Uppers!

Prosh pal punchy, pooped?
Popping power pill provides
Plenty pep for pup

The secret compartment of my ring I fill / With an Underdog super energy pill!

Quite a pick-me-up, Danée A.

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