Caveat Emptor.

You’d be surprised to learn how many people don’t do their research before buying a hybrid. Sure, they think they’re doing the environmentally-responsible thing, plus they’ll save money on gas. A win-win, right? Well, if they ever bothered to take a look under the hood to actually see what’s powering their hybrid, they’d realize that the amount saved on gas, won’t compare to the cash spent on walnuts. And the heckling. My God, the heckling…

Chipmunkanics.

“Well what the hell were you expecting? You think this thing runs on rainbows and unicorn tears?”

You did NOT just call me Alvin.

“Do I’s come to your office and go lookin’ under your desk? If you want to get to work before lunch, I suggest you close that hood then back away real slow. Oh, and if you want Zuko over there to stop chewing on your air filter, then you best bring the nuts. I ain’t gonna ask twice.”

What'd you think "hybrid" meant?

“Lady, honest to God, if you don’t stop starin’ at me with that gaping mouth from behind that wheel, I’m gonna bring in the squirrels.”

I hope your stowaways made the transition from car to yard quite nicely, Tammy G.

Go Ahead. Try The Wipers.

In your face, Winston!

You can drive as fast as you want, Winston, because I got Hubba-Bubba on my paws and Marshmallow Fluff on my belly. You want the cats back, you’re gonna have to get rid of ME first. So go ahead and roll the dice. But keep in mind that I’m not some idiot cat, so I won’t be chasing after it.

Welcome to hell.

Hope you were wearing a seat belt, Anne T.

Does This Make Me Look Cat?

I’m not sure if it’s my haircut (the “Donald Trump Special”), or if it’s just my all-around obsession with all things me, but suddenly I’m feeling very feline.

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And, might I say, “Worst feeling ever.” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go need to spike my alfalfa with arsenic.

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Did you use a bowl for that cut, Momo?

I Had The Strangest Dream Last Night

I dreamed that some mysterious force whisked me away into a bleak, endless limbo, where there was no light or sound or even time…

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…and there I stayed for one full day, with no dogs to tease, or legs to rub against, or squeaky toys to mangle, or the scent of sweet, delicious tuna…

Why would anyone want a day without me?  I'm fabulous!

And then I woke up here in my bed.  But it was just a dream, wasn’t it, honey?

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… or was it, Jen B.?

A Day Without Cats: Lessons Learned

Well, another first-ever Day Without Cats has come and gone, never to come again.  And like all historical watershed moments, it impels us to reflect; about us, the Internet, and on the debt we owe to our irreplaceable friend, the cat.

For the cat is more than mere companion, more than protector from the vicious mouse and his flesh-melting death ray, more than the reassuring presence who greets our return each day with cheerful, loving indifference.  He is also our mentor.

For while our great scientific minds struggle vainly to teach cats the intricacies of double-entry bookkeeping and interpretive dance, the cat has a simpler lesson for us:  Approach life with wonder, with eyes wide open, with insatiable curiosity…

… and most of all, dignity.  Always dignity.

CATS CATS CATS CATS OMGCATS

We missed you yesterday, kittehs. We missed you and your ridiculous sleeping ways:

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Sleeping CatDownloadedFile-12
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All pics are Internet floaters (ew that sounds gross), and mostly thanks to Uncle Wire.

And 1 and 2 and

Move your bodeh!

Move that bodeh-oh!

Move your bodeh!

Move that bodeh-oh!

And repeat, Bob N.

The Cats Have Gone To The Golden Arches. No, Not THOSE Golden Arches.

Look, I’m no bloodhound, but I swear I can’t find The Cat anywhere. I mean, don’t get me wrong – I’m no fan, you know? The Cat thinks he’s better than me. He’s all high and mighty and always gets all up in my mug about being “potty trained”. Look, I could crap in a bin of pebbles if I wanted to too, but I choose to take my business curbside. All proper-like.

Still, I kind of miss The Cat. Bring on the comfort food.

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Don’t forget the apple pie, Josh P.

Will you People STOP submitting this vid

With videos like these, we’re only going to have MORE commentroversies and more people upset and accusing us of turning the blender on or more inappropriate children asking for pasickies or causing obeseness in cats! It’s not like we’re posting racks or something.

So just stop.

Yes he gets up in the end. Submitted by: EVERYONE

Ode to a Day Without Cats

A Day Without Cats? Can this be?
We must stop this catastrophe!

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Search everywhere, from up to down,
And don’t give up until they’re found!

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We’ll catacomb the countryside
To find out where our kitties hide.

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Until we thwart this plan demonic
We’ll search until we’re catatonic!

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We love to hug and chase them so,
Please, Internet, don’t erase them! No!

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Oh, heed our plaintive caterwaul,
Or life will be no fun at all.

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Photos: Burrowing Owl by Barloventomagico. Now I can see better by annkelliott, Meerkat Mischief by MorningThief581. Peek-a-Boo! by Somesay. Tin Head by Dragonfly_dreamer72 and Peek-a-Boo! by Gilles Gonthier.

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