I Knew There Was a Catch

Oh, sure. “Come on over,” he says. “All the barbecue you can eat,” he says. Of course, he conveniently neglects to tell me that I’m the clean-up crew!

Says Samantha A.: “Here’s a photo of our neighbor’s cat, Captain America, licking the leftovers of our hamburgers from the grill!”

The Cat on the Flying Trapeze

He floats through the air, with the greatest of ease
The sleeping young cat on the phantom trapeze

He’s so great and graceful, whilst catching some Z’s
So give him a round of applause, if you please.

Says sender-inner Carol B.: “My new 12 week old kitten has been doing ballet in his sleep. His name is Monkey Pants. This has everything – jelly spine, kitten belly, elegant strayching. In some ways he’s even giving a wink to Marilyn Monroe’s famous nude on red satin.”

Awkward Prom Photo

(OMG why is he wearing that suit I told him to rent a white tuxedo and now we’re going to look mismatched on the dance floor and these shoes are pinching and my hair didn’t come out right and I swear I still have some bean dip on my nose and oh now what’s he doing he’s going to smear my blusher…)

Photo credit: the bridge

Join the C.O. Dangerous Sports Society!

Skydiving too sedate? Bungee jumping a bore? We’ve got the ultimate rush for today’s jaded thrill-seeker! Here’s how it works: A genuine medieval catapult (a) launches you across the Grand Canyon (b), onto a waiting trampoline (c), which propels you through a wall of flame (d) into a wading pool full of Nerf balls (e).

… oh, and there’s a certain spot on the trampoline you’ll need to avoid, too.

Is there a point to all this, Debra E.?

The Overlook Hotel’s Other Sinister Presence

Forget the Twins, this ghastly beast will kill you softly.

Heeeeeere’s Feline, Ane B.

Little Richard Moll was a Bit of a Punk

Hello? I believe I requested watermelon with the seeds? How else am I supposed to target the sparrows?

He best watch out for blue jays, Anna M. Photo by Leesia Teh

Search and ResQte

During the war in Afghanistan, three US marine soldiers took on a special mission: Rescue some of the war’s smallest and cutest victims. According to the blog Unique Scoop, two orphaned kittens have been shipped stateside to loving homes.

We salute you, anonymous sender-inner.

Shake that Shell!

Fun Fact: According to sender-inner Cassandra D., turtle shells are more sensitive than you might expect. Now throw in a toothbrush and a thumping techno beat (warning: loud), and you’ve got today’s monthly WTF* of the Week!

* That’s “wiggling turtle footsies,” we’ll have you know.

The Fur Comes with an Elastic Waistband

Betty! Fetch my muumuu! I gotta roll myself to the TV to catch “Judge Judy”!

Moo, Tina K.

Mutiny on the HMS Beagle

Let’s be clear: I’m the captain of this vessel, and what I say, goes! If you agree to this term, then by all means feed me a piece of bacon, climb aboard, and…prepare yourself for the most exhaustively relaxing sail of your life.

My God, that floating gull is coming dangerously close! Collision imminent! Reel in the jib and prepare to come about!

I asked you to pull in the jib, passenger! Perhaps you’re aren’t fluid in “I’m-Smarter-Than-You-And-You-Will-Do-What-I-Say”?

Fine. Discard my ingenious system of levers and pulleys and revert to your rudimentary paddle, you smug imbecile! But know this: I shall revert as well, and you will soon find yourself settled among many, many “accidents”.

Oscar was a winner, Leanne D.

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