“Walk Like an Egyptian” Flash Mob Fail.

Fellas! Listen to me! For the last time: First you slide your feet up the street, bend your back, shift your arm and then you pull it back!

COXWFMCU [Cute Overload Extreme Webbed Feet Mélée Close-Up]

Let’s go east. No. West, Ammar A.

Soul Patches Not Picking Up What His Parents Threw Down

Everyone just assumes that I love wearing skinny jeans and ridiculous non-prescription tortoise shell eye glasses while reading Ginsberg’s “Howl” to fellow organic coffee-drinkers; none of this would be happening if my stupid parents hadn’t named me such an absurd name.

He’s the butter knife of knives, Jane CL

Seal of Approval

Yes, it is I — the Seal of Approval, a benevolent spirit offering unconditional approval for every misstep, so your day doesn’t have to suck so much.

Say you overslept this morning? I approve. Burnt the French toast? J’approuve! Got the hiccups during the client presentation? Approve-o-rama!

Accidentally backed into a row of Harley-Davidsons, which toppled like dominoes onto a painter’s ladder, sending a can of Robin’s Egg Blue into a waiter’s tray at Saul Zapata’s Kosher Taqueria, which flung an entire order of sizzling gefilte-fajitas into a gentle arc over traffic and through the sunroof of a passing Mercedes?

Photo via Jack Zhang

A Breakfast Lament

“I’m a big girl now,” said Princess, “and I’m tired of Cocoa Puffs”
“I want to eat what you eat, Mom, with fruits and nuts and stuffs.”
So Mom brought down the Muselix, and she poured some in a bowl,
And Princess set herself upon her wise and womanly goal.

The oats were bland, the nuts were hard, the fiber chafed her teef.
She thought, “if this is grown-up food, adulthood must be grief.”
But persevered she through the meal, then stared with forlorn eyes,
“I ate a whole bowl of this stuff, and there’s no plastic prize?

Photo by Jodi & Jacy.

Bunny Thrill-laaaaaah!

From Flickr user Yiie, here’s “Otis (Dutch rabbit, now 11 months old) sleeping. She had her paws up and was moving them slowly, almost looked like she was dancing to Michael Jackson’s Thriller song.”

Photo by Yi Chen

Slow Tuesday? Break Out the Impressions

“Your attractive next door neighbor just informed you that he and his wife separated.”

“You are a 45-year-old woman who just found out she was re-tweeted by Leif Garrett.”

“You just lost your crown as reining ‘Hot Dog Eating Champion’ to your nemesis, Sweaty Flanks.”

He’s quite the thespian, Yasmin R.

Listen to Me when I’m Squeaking to You

Put me down at once! And bring me cheese! And explain why I sound like a bird!

Quite a handful, Philip K.

The Witness Protection Program Used to be More Reliable

When Luigi agreed to testify against Fat Tabby, he incorrectly assumed his new identity would be tougher to crack.

Not to mention the fact that his new location was little more than a hammock.

Always ratting out the bad guys, Tara G.

The Queen Is Not Pleased

“Royal Tax Collector! Why have my subjects not paid the 100 mousie heads per household, as I have commanded? Someone shall pay dearly for this outrage!”

Photo credit: RowdyKittens

Behold, the Power of Chocolate

According to science, chocolate contains potent neurotransmitters that can elevate one’s mood. But shape it like an Easter egg, wrap it in foil, and introduce it to a pair of kittens, and it can drive them crazy without their even eating it.

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