New on Dateline: Kitty Catches Tail, but at What Price?

Some say he’s not playing with a full deck because he uses his claws. Others think he’s an overachiever…

Me-ouch, Erin S.

Ugly Duckling My Ass

Suck it, Hans Christian Andersen. I’ve always been gorge.

I’m sure this lovely cygnet would never say such words, Andrea M.

The Flaw in the Plan

Listen, no one has anything to worry about. I’m gonna lure him in real close and then I’m gonna hurl this stick so far that this idiot will take off running and we’ll never see him again…

What do you mean he’s a “retriever”?

I’m assuming his name ain’t MacGyver, Sarah A.

HMO + Dr. Phil = …

I’m not sure I agree with that diagnosis, Doc. And I gotta ask – do you really think wrapping me up like a burrito in a rug made from a Muppet is really going to help my self confidence?

“Lion-o” is genius, and congrats on finding all the kitties new homes, Karen G.

Look Yonder, Past Your Separation Anxieties, Carl

Witness the majestic landscape that surrounds us: The blue skies. The lush ravines. The deep, clear waters. Carl, the world is your oyster…so stop being such a damn barnacle!!!

Forwarded by Brinke G.

All Evidence Points to the Contrary

During a press conference for their next studio album, the Beastie Boys vehemently deny being influenced by Lady Gaga.

It’s sabotage, Fernanda, via Frogman starcrossed1Three fluffballs by Joan Y

This Comes as No Surprise; Daryl Once Confused a Geoduck Clam and Giraffe

It’s nice to meet you too, Daryl, and I’ve delighted in your adorable story about “reeling” me in. And you seem like a nice fella, so it somewhat partially pains me to inform you:

I’m no swordfish.

An elephant shrew? No wonder Daryl’s confused, Justin B.

If Rachel Zoe Styled the Junior Prom

“Listen, I get why you like the Gerbera Daisy. It’s adorably unoriginal and a perfectly safe choice. But if you want to shut. the. front. door, you’ll choose this guy. Because oh. mygod, he may be little, but this Pygmy Marmoset is major and would make the per-fect corsage.”

Yeah, the Pygmy Marmoset doesn’t seem too psyched about it either, Wesley K.

Kitty was Having a Serious Identity Crisis

Heeeeey, Brother Hermit Crab! Sorry I’ve been so absent; Auntie Squirrel was teaching me how to store nuts for winter.

He’s an adorable beaver, Marisa C. Photo by Mr. Beans.

Ohhh Nooo!

Mr. Bill didn’t know what was more disconcerting – the fact that Gumby had turned on him so horribly, or the realization that Gumby’s waxer really had his work cut out for him.

Mr. Bill should say goodbye to that appendix, Rebekah F.

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