No. I’m sorry, but they won’t go for this. The lighting is all wrong – I’m not all “gorgeous amber” that they like to talk about. And this angle does nothing for my paws except scream baby-like – and we know they don’t like that.
No, I’m not going to back up – this is what they like!
Mango gets his 15 minutes, Paula.
It was the house that buns built. They called it Hoppy Times Plantation, and what a misnomer that was. Don’t be fooled. You are not welcome here.
It was built on disapproval, Tuesday H.
First of all, just looking around in here, I can tell that I’m gonna need the 12-quart stock pot. It will run you about 600 bones, but I don’t want to hear it. Oh, don’t give me that look – I’ll have my sous chef wash out the pot.
Second, what’s with the beans? Don’t get me wrong, I’m brilliant, so I’ll be able to whip up something exquisite for your guests, but where’s the veg? Would something a little leafy in the pantry kill you? And don’t get me started on your electric cook top. I don’t know how you expect me to cook in these conditions.
Joan of Arc Spicy Chili Beans, Kate O.?
You get a nice look, guy? You get a big ol’ eyeful? You trying to get her name? Well, her name is Mine, understand? Why don’t you just step off before I peck your face in, a’ight?
Penguins wearing wife beaters and black chains are always trouble, Sarah W.
Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.
The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.
I’ve been trying to look more evil and less snuggley, I swear. And yes, I’ll try to grow into my paws faster. Look, I know I have a lot to live up to, but I’m trying. Really. Please, I can’t sit in these Smurf undergarments any longer.
Azrael, a little help here?
Papa Smurf had a big ass, Sandy S.
I don’t get it. What does she do? What do you mean, she just sits in there all day? Can you tap the glass or something? She has an Artist’s Statement??? Because as far as I can tell, she’s neither an artist, nor does she make any kind of statement. You know what? Here’s my statement: You come to my house tomorrow and I’ll charge you $40 to watch me sit on the couch all day. How’s that?
Heavy on the tannins, Marco B.
Stefanie had been looking for it for months, so she was thrilled when she finally found her ring under the bed. Of course, her discovery made her realize that she should really clean more often.
Nice dust bunny, Stefanie H.
It happened so fast that he barely heard the massive snorf or felt the violent whoosh of air. But when he looked down, Paul realized that his entire forearm had been sucked up her trunk, and the look in her eyes said, “I don’t have to give it back, you know.” It was the first and last time Paul would play “I got your nose!” with Ellafante.
That’s a risky little game, Christoph G.
After extensive research, Dell gambled on their focus groups’ request for “something softer to the touch” and lost.
Triple click, Maria F.
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