You Decide: Battle of the Googlies

In this corner, weighing in at fiiiiiiive pounds, please weeeeeelcome, Saddies MiiiiiiiicFrownersons!

And in this corner, weighing in at threeeee pounds, pleeeeease welcome challenger Professssssssor Lazy Eye Von Sour Puss!

What say you, Stephanie S. and Travis C.?

Dear Dr. Lipschwitz…

Please help. His name is Wedge – purely coincidental, mind you – and he’s gone ’round the bend:

“Hey, guys! Look in my new tele-ma-scope! We live in Pennsyl-ma-vania, but you can see all the way to Polka-vank-tatum! And that’s where the Paperclip Fairies and Purple live!”

What the hell just went on here, Tara G.?

The Sloths Go to Disney World

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Sloths loved the rides that took minimal exertion. And for that reason, The Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups were a big hit:

sloth_in_red_bucket

“After this, I want to sink my claws into Mr. Toad and His Wild Ride!”

red_bucket_sloth
And while the mini-Sloths were riding away, the adults hit up EPCOT. First stop: Swiss Chard. Hydroponics.

sloth_in_basket

Are you happy now, Stacy?

Friday Haiku: Froggy Phone Home

Circles surround me

Should have listened to Kermit

Someone find Fozzy

tiny_frog_on_thumb

Have you thought of having thumb-reduction surgery, John P.?

If John Hughes Had Cast the Frog and Lab

You’re ashamed to be seen with me. You’re ashamed to go out with me. You’re ashamed your rich friends won’t approve of me! Well, at least I’m not a sell-out who allows ridiculous people to wear my image on their ties and belts while attending clambakes in Nantucket!  You’re all, “Hi, I’m the Labassador of Americana!” And then you forget what you said because you’re too busy chasing a Kennebunkport squirrel wearing loafers! But you’re right, I should be embarrassed about my camouflage.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to wait here for Duckie to pick me up.

He didn’t become part of “the breakfast club” did he, Brian B.?

Not the Type of Head Shot She Had in Mind

After a dozen rolls of film, Amaryllis really thought that this one would be a keeper. That coy smile and twinkle in her eye were about to work pig wonders, and she knew it. Unfortunately, it was that apparent giant bullseye on her freshly coiffed ‘do that did her in.

Poor Amaryllis. Who knew that Big Bird could fly?

I wonder if Snuffy was riding sidecar, Riana P.

The Day Alfalfa Lost All Credibility

I’m not fooling around here, New Guy. I’m going to tell you one time, and one time only: Take a hike. Now, before you go…where did you get that pink Frisbee, because Heavens to Betsy, it looks as comfy as the dickens!

Split personality, Courtney B.

What’s Next on the List? Bo-Bo Ski Watten Totten?

Really? This is how you choose to spend our time? You have the rare opportunity of not only catching, but also holding a hummingbird, and you want to declare a thumb war?

According to sender-inner Hana O.: “My classmates discovered this young hummingbird who had fallen out of his nest and immediately a rescue team ensued! He was a bit of an inexperienced flier, but in the end he made his way back into his tree.”

This Just In: Runway Goat Couture 2010

Karl Lagerpelt debuted his new spring collection this week to mixed reviews. Not many will want to sport the Pippi Longstalking-like waves many of his models donned while prancing down the Carpathian-walk. However, come April, you better believe that turnip decorative barrettes will be all the rage.

Your goat’s too sexy for a tan, too sexy for a tan, so sexy he looks like flan, Liliana F.

Here Comes Peter Cottonhead

Every morning it was the same routine: Colonel Danders would make his way out to the yard to watch the sunrise, yet he never realized he was facing the wrong way until it was too late.

Less fluff, more fold, Ashley H.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 13,702 other followers