In Her Defense, She First Tried Using a Chalkboard But Ended Up With Goosebumps

Listen lady, I’m all for learning how to read, but there has to be a better way than having me grip the beejesus out of Tango and Cash here.

Hope you’re wearing some kind of steel mesh suit under there, Suzanne D.

I’ll Take a Whiskey Sour…And Hold the Sour

Aunt Edna always makes for an interesting holiday.

More eggnog, Sarah A.

Next On “Dr. Drew’s Kleptos”…

Meet Frankie. Obsessive-compulsive hoarder. Steals items that fuel his love for “The Nutcracker” and dental hygiene.

We just feel bad for that poor ballerina out there who’s tippy-toeing around with hairy legs and bad teeth.

So that’s where all of my pens went. I suspect he has a few of my socks as well, Paige P.

Artsy-Fartsy Baby Bongo Born at Busch Gardens

The other animals thought he was crazy when he started painting his own body. But we just call him Keith Haring.

And here’s the real story: Busch Gardens welcomed a baby bongo to the park Sept. 13. Bongo are native to the rainforests of Africa. Busch Gardens cares for the endangered Eastern Mountain subspecies of bongo.

Forwarded by Lauren H-W at Busch Gardens, Tampa.

Photo: Matt Marriott

In Approximately 8 Seconds, Prepare to Roll Eyes, Groan

The Rebel Alliance, a.k.a. Sitting Kitten and his #2, Crazy Eyes, observed the enemy for some time and meticulously planned their attack.

It was a huge success, albeit a sloppy one, and the battle became known as Custard’s Last Stand.

Help me, Yogurt-On Mekitti, you’re our only hope.

I guess you could help too, Cathy O.

“Give Me Some Sugar”

When his mom asked him to run next door to borrow some sugar from Mrs. Farber, Gunter was shocked to find that his father was already there asking for the very same thing.

Mrs. Farber needs to learn how to lock a door, Tim L.

Rear Admiral Carl Ludpig von Pants

With a name like Rear Admiral Carl Ludpig von Piggy Pants (actual name, People), you’re already so over-the-top, that you don’t need a creative caption.

Without further ado, meet Carl. He likes celery.

guinea_pig_lips_close-up

Carl 3, Celery 0, Kerry K.

NASQUACK

During its pre-market session this morning, markets were up almost 3%, exciting traders on the floor.

Looks like things are just ducky, Moriah L.

This Just In: Coctopus

Well, here’s something you don’t see everyday. Our friends over at National Geographic report that octopuses have been discovered tip-toeing with coconut-shell halves suctioned to their undersides, then reassembling the halves and disappearing inside for protection.

Pretty amazing stuff.

Check out the full story here.

Thanks, Marilyn T.

A Kitten Named Taunt-o

When he heard that his owner had bought Kibbles ‘n Bits, he had no idea just how unappetizing the “Bits” would be. In fact, “Bits” bordered on downright annoying:

Finders keepers, Losers weepers! I know you are, but what am I? No backsies, shield for life!

kitten_taunts_dog_from_food_bowl

kitten_stealing_dog_kibble

*wink-wink* acknowledged, Priscilla V.

And as for you, Eric S., since it’s too taxing for you to hit ‘send’ yourself, we think you owe Priscilla V. a hefty raise. Pronto, “Taunt-o”.

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