Miracles! Of! Science!

After years of development and billions in tax dollars, scientists at the US Defense Enhanced Refraction Projects Agency (DERPA) are proud to announce the creation of the Stealth Sock, which renders the wearer’s foot entirely invisible.

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Via Catasters.

Are You a Next-Level Cat? Take this Quiz

A next-level cat responds to unusual situations in novel and unexpected ways, challenging the tired paradigm of feline behavior. Let’s test your instincts with this quiz: Your human has recently introduced a new dog into your home.

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“Chloe is not impressed, she has seen all kitty’s tricks,” says Stefania B.

The Sign of the Four

“… and now that we’ve made the sign of the Pirate’s Cross, we chant five times in unison the ancient Summoning Curse: ‘E’racht Ni’bonng Yig-nagth Kabibble’.” And then, if the legends are true, the bones of Blackbeard himself will rise from this very spot. Remember, I have dibs on a femur.”

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I think I saw this movie, Arne. They’re doomed.

Captain Bat Sparrow

And now for something completely batty: Johnny Depp, as Captain Jack Sparrow, feeding a bat. The “Pirates of the Caribbean” star, on a break from filming in Australia, visited the Australian Bat Clinic to meet the premature-born flying fox he adopted last May.

Chicks Dig the Medallion

One-of-a-kind and it’s mine all mine! Whenever I put it on, I get a spring in my step and a bob in my beak, and ladies flap in from all over town just to check me out! Like I always say, you want to turn a head, show some bread!

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Via Poxe.ru.

Keep Your Kitties ‘Round!

Are you always misplacing your kitties? Keep ’em corralled with Kitty Kontainer™, the revolutionary way to keep kitties cozy and conveniently close. But wait, there’s more!

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Order now, and we’ll throw in a pair of Mini Kitty Kontainer-ettes, Jr. absolutely free!

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Via Brainparking.com.

Assassin’s Squeed

From out of the fluid streams of Time they come without warning: the dreaded Kitty Assassins. Stealth is their weapon. Silence their code. String their nemesis. Catnip their… Whoa, now I can’t stop thinking about string. Lots of string. Big balls of string, single threads of string crawling across the yard, just string everywhere, man, that would be awesome. Wait, what were we talking about?

The Amazing Rolling Woofini Triplets!

Actually, you may be surprised to learn this, but one of them’s adopted.

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Carrie Bradshaw Would Probably Have Some Pithy Advice for Just This Situation

“Well, it’s over. Steve and I split up last night.”

“Oh, honey, that’s terrible. How do you feel?”

“I just feel drained, frankly. I mean, I kept trying to make it work, but in the end, he just didn’t have that certain something I was looking for.”

“You mean, like, a job?”

“No, it’s so much more personal and specific than that. And I wonder if… I’m asking too much out of life. I mean, here I am, I’m almost thirty and still looking, and I think that maybe I shouldn’t be so fussy.”

“Uh-uh, girlfriend — never settle. If it’s important to you, hold out for it. Someday your prince will come.”

“Oh, I want to believe that, I really do. But what are the odds I’ll ever meet a man who likes to wear a cat on his head?”

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Via Brainparking.com.

Totally True Tales of Terribly Tense Terror!

“There I was, alone inside the forbidden treasure chamber of Ali oop-Zamfir. I had just looted the entire collection of first edition AOL free trial CDs when I heard a ferocious roar. I turned, and there were four of the fiercest, hungriest tigers I had ever seen. They backed me into a corner. All hope seemed lost, when…” (finish the story in the comments!)

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Via Adam Rifkin/Pandawhale.

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