I Feel Your Pain, Dawg…

They missed an easy kick, and now they’ll never beat the point spread!

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Via Redditor twosnapsup.

Ayup, Alfalfa’s Comin’ in Good This Yee-ah…

Corn’s all planted, hay’s all bailed… Nothin’ to do now, ‘cept chew on this hee-ah straw an’ wait for spring. Sure hope we get an early spring this year, on account of my jaw gets powerful tired after a spell…

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You Mock Superman?

It is not wise to mock Superman. My super-ears can detect your suppressed giggles even over hundreds of miles. I might freeze you with my super-cooling breath, or fry you with my super-heat vision. Or perhaps I may flatten you beneath the weight of my super-pounce, or fling you across the room with one flick of my super-tail. But no, I am Superman. I use my super-powers only for good. Therefore, I shall merely throw you some super-shade.

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“Just moved into a new apartment. This is my neighbor,” says Redditor aletati.

It’s Amazing How They Recognize Words

“Hey, Jasper — you want to go for a walk? Maybe to the park? Where you can chase the ducks? Then we can drive to Vegas? And pawn Daddy’s ring? Then do lots of shots? And pass out in an alley? Then wake up in Mexico?”

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All Capped Out

Sorry, coach — I’d like to play ball, but I need a seventh-inning stretch.

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Hmm, Interesting!

Well, I never. Really? You don’t say. That is absolutely fascinating. I did not know that. My, the things they can do these days. My, oh my. Don’t that beat all? This is most interesting, do go on.

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Posted to Imgur by Yhetti.

That’s a Wrap

Another holiday come and gone, another festive season
Again the houseful of in-laws and kids, running about for no reason
Mom burns the roast beef, Dad trips on the tree, Uncle Ed hits the egg nog hard
The electric bill rivals the national debt from the lights out on the yard
Steve home from college, lecturing all on privacy, taxes and climate
Cousin Alice brags on her weight loss last fall, just like last year, you can time it
They bicker and argue, and yet it all ends in warmth and kindness and cheer
So now all I all of you, family and friends, could someone get me out of here?

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“Here’s Twix. He puts up with a lot from the kids,” says Redditor I_Love_McRibs.

Terror of Tiny Town!

All was calm, all was bright, when… it came upon a midnight clear!

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It’s Tink, destroyer of towns, via Reddit.

Say Goodbye to “Guinea Gut”!

Too much Christmas food creating unsightly tummy bulge? Get back in shape with the Playtex 24-hour Peegirdle!

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Via Lyn Lomasi.

And it Was Then Stacey Realized She Had Forgotten a Key Lyric to “Deck the Halls”

“(Wait, is it ‘fa-la-la’ or ‘la-la-fa’? ‘La-fa-fi-fo-fum’? ‘Fa-la-fel’? ‘Fa-lav-a-flav’? I’m so embarrassed…)”

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Via Marcus Saul.

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