I’m Bustin’ Outta This Joint, See?

First, I’m gonna do my Tom Cruise-dangling-from-the-ceiling bit as I break outta this cage, then take the elevator to the basement, sneak past the guards, hop in a getaway vehicle, and bust through the wall! Meanwhile, Doctor Who will tell you how I manage to pull it off!

From the BBC via The Mary Sue.

(All Right, Stay Calm, Need to Think Here…)

(OK, he’s obviously mad at me, but why? Do I owe him money? Need to stall him somehow; maybe I should say “You kill me now, you kill any chance to find the missing amulet!” But what if he’s not looking for an amulet? Still, he’ll have to think about it, and that’ll buy me some time…)

3108088164_b293407052_z

Reservoir Cats, via solarbreeze69.

Dawgnet

Thursday, 11:25 AM: My partner and I were working the day watch out of Homicide when the call came in. It was Kimba, the White Lion. Once a beloved TV star, now lying on the cold tile of his Brentwood ranch house. The coroner had already pronounced him sleepy when we arrived. Our job: get busy with the Sharpies.

IMG_8300

“Here is Zuri taking a nap with his dog buddies Donald the poodle and Lana the Lab,” says sender-inner Therese C. (Apologies to Jack Webb again.)

The Amazing Pizza Exercise Plan!

Need to give your dog a workout? Just take some pizza to the top of a slide and watch her try to get it!

Big Budgie Is Watching You

“You were not at the Two Minutes’ Whap this afternoon,” said the voice on the telescreen. “Are you unwell?” Winston felt a knot of dread form in his stomach. To lie to Big Budgie, leader of the Party, was the most doubleplus-not-anti-opposite-of-good thing he could do, yet the suspicion that the looming face was nothing but a birdbrain consumed him. He had to think fast. He knew he wasn’t sick. He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick.

“I was out, um, buying you some nice millet seed, sir?”

budgie

“Magnus our kitten watching a budgie on TV that’s so big it seems to be watching him,” says senderplusinner Sheenagh P.

Look Deep Into My Eyes…

You are falling under the spell of my hypnotic gaze… Soon, you will be fully under my control… When you awaken, you will remember nothing, but will obediently bring me tuna and milk whenever I say the trigger word, “meow.” Of course, you were already doing that, so I’m really just hypnotizing you because I’m bored and needed a laugh, but anyway…

16184959641_82fb92fe95_z

Blue Eyes, via Hanbyul❤.

Ah, That “New Purse” Smell

There’s really nothing like it — that sublime scent of hand-rubbed leather, fresh from the department store. Within a few weeks, it will be compromised with the faint odors of breath mints and lipstick (and for some reason sea bass) , but right now, it’s time for a whiff…

8988470361_dc15b6ef51_z

What to do when there’s no pillow to be found, via Pat (Clench) Williams.

Was That a Giggle I Heard?

Does my fluffy suit make you laugh? Do you think I’m funny?

14252105517_4921a7875a_z

Well, maybe you won’t laugh so loud after I give you a taste of my moth-fu skills! Prepare for poofy pastel pain, punk!

14251938598_5578af39cf_z

Via It’s Okay To Be Smart, it’s the Rosy Maple Moth, courtesy sender-inner Jessica L.

How Much Does This Thing Eat, Anyway?

It’s like a bottomless milk pit or something! I’ve got places to be, y’know?

yFI6D3R

This Meeting of the Loyal Order of Hamster Wizards Will Now Come to Order

Thank you. Before we move on to new business, I want to remind you that brother Harfurt Fizzywigg’s workshop on charms and incantations in the defense against cats has been moved to Mondays.

11284927265_5f0c289aca_z

Now then, it has come to our attention that certain members have been using the spell of fructus amplifico in Mrs. McGinty’s vegetable garden again. Not only does this unauthorized use of magic threaten to expose our secret order, but Mrs. McGinty nearly tripped on a twenty-foot carrot. So it won’t happen again — right, brother Bumblefogg?

11284990526_052f723b6a_z

Via TTsuruda.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 15,970 other followers