What Manner of Wizardry Is This?

Eager for my daily constitutional, I open my front door and find… another door! And yet, though it appear solid, it is but a powdery substance that yields to my very touch and freezes my delicate nose! Gadzooks!

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I can’t help having luxurious, full-bodied fur. I owe it all to nature — and to DogPoo™, the shampoo made just for dogs. I DogPoo once a day, to keep my coat silky-soft, with the unique fragrance only DogPoo can provide.

dog-in-leaves

Via Reddit.

Left Shark Explains

First of all, we had like an afternoon to learn that choreography. Second, I was supposed to be on the right, and they switched us at the last minute. Anyway, Katy was really sweet about it, and she’s only making me scrub the toilets on the tour bus for a week.

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Via Adam Rifkin, who finds karma.

This Isn’t Funny, Guys

Seriously, guys. Trying to eat here. Knock it off.

cat-on-treadmill

 

Knock-Knock?

Who’s there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad some nice person left half an orange here?

DNBm8an

“Little dude loves his orange,” notes Redditor dbomb65.

I Got No Strings on Me

“I mean, everyday it’s just the same old routine: Climb down the tree, forage for nuts, climb up the tree, go to sleep, do it again. And I ask myself, is that all there is? Do I get any choice here? How about you; you ever get that feeling you weren’t in control of your own life?”

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The backstory on this picture is really touching, so take a look.

TV Shows Only Cats Can See

Mousing With the Stars — Five ferocious felines go on a rodent rampage; who will win? Join celebrity judges Jingles, Boo-boo, Princess Poofypants and special guest judge Lindsay Lohan for a rollicking hour of carnage.

Afterschool Special: Licking Licking — Within this respectable suburban community, one family must face its secret shame: Children who lick themselves there in full view of company.

Laser Kitty! — The crime-fighting cat who zaps bad guys with his glowing eyes! Tonight’s episode: “Nipped in the Bud” — Laser Kitty takes on a ruthless gang of inner-city catnip pushers.

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Via Rikki’s Refuge.

I’m Bustin’ Outta This Joint, See?

First, I’m gonna do my Tom Cruise-dangling-from-the-ceiling bit as I break outta this cage, then take the elevator to the basement, sneak past the guards, hop in a getaway vehicle, and bust through the wall! Meanwhile, Doctor Who will tell you how I manage to pull it off!

From the BBC via The Mary Sue.

(All Right, Stay Calm, Need to Think Here…)

(OK, he’s obviously mad at me, but why? Do I owe him money? Need to stall him somehow; maybe I should say “You kill me now, you kill any chance to find the missing amulet!” But what if he’s not looking for an amulet? Still, he’ll have to think about it, and that’ll buy me some time…)

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Reservoir Cats, via solarbreeze69.

Dawgnet

Thursday, 11:25 AM: My partner and I were working the day watch out of Homicide when the call came in. It was Kimba, the White Lion. Once a beloved TV star, now lying on the cold tile of his Brentwood ranch house. The coroner had already pronounced him sleepy when we arrived. Our job: get busy with the Sharpies.

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“Here is Zuri taking a nap with his dog buddies Donald the poodle and Lana the Lab,” says sender-inner Therese C. (Apologies to Jack Webb again.)

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