“Fetch the Stick” is for Wimps

Us bigger dogs like to play “Fetch the Sticks.” Throw me a handful and I’m a happy dog. Heck, I’ll even fetch the whole tree, if someone would throw one.

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“This is what an addiction to fetch looks like,” notes Redditor Theodora Rex.

Bachelor Number One, Pretend I’m a Luscious Lollipop. What Would You Do To Me?

Firtht, we would thtand on a beacth, tho I could thake the thime to apprethiate your thylith extherior, thavoring the thight of your thlightly theer wrapper, thassily thinthed like a thort thkirt athop your thlender thtick.

Nexth, I would thlowly athisst you as you thed your thingth, thending them thailing across the thand, and you thtood thatuesthqe and thtill ath my eyeth thoaked in every inchth of your thiny, thleek, thenthuouthly thticky thkin.

After that, I’m not thure. Any thuggethtionth?

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Via Mariposa Veterinary Wellness Center.

And Now, a Dashing Individual Sporting Not Even Slightly Ridiculous Headwear

I know it’s tempting. I get it, I really do. You see the hat, and if you’re of shall we say a certain age, a melody will pop up from some forgotten corner of your mind, and you may feel that it would brighten my day if you were to share it with me. A perfectly reasonable, seemingly innocent impulse.

All I’m saying is, the last person to serenade me with “The Mickey Mouse Club March” only got as far as “emm, eye, cee.” Word to the wise.

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“My dog’s ears are prone to frostbite,” explains Redditor DetectionK9, “so he needs to wear a snood outside.” Meanwhile, we just like saying the word “snood.”

Snood. Snood.

Snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

And a Slide of Bacon, Please

The Lurking Fiend

Dear Diary: The stranger came again. Night after night he challenges me in the hallway, cloaked in the shade of darkness, growing ever taller before my astonished eyes. I stand frozen in place, afraid to speak or move, yearning only for the calm of morning when I may again bask in the warm illusion that I alone am master of this domain. Yet every sundown he is there to mock and scorn, imitating my every move. “Begone, vile specter!” I cry in vain, but the silent brute lingers. I fear that madness soon may be upon me.

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Via Flickr-er pslee999.

Lifestyles of Glamorous Cats!

With 2015 underway, calendar season comes once again to a close, bringing with it a well-deserved rest for model Zelda Pherphenanny. The Albany native is in high demand by calendar publishers for her clever poses. “Of course,” she says, “my ultimate dream is to appear in the Cute Overload calendar. Maybe next year.”

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Via Reddit.

The Amazing Couch Magnets™!

Have you run out of space on your refrigerator door, and you still have important receipts to organize and children’s artwork to display? Then put your sofa to work with new Couch Magnets! (CAUTION: May cause shredding and/or shedding. Do not attempt to sit on couch while in use.)

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Via Adam Rifkin.

I Feel Your Pain, Dawg…

They missed an easy kick, and now they’ll never beat the point spread!

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Via Redditor twosnapsup.

Ayup, Alfalfa’s Comin’ in Good This Yee-ah…

Corn’s all planted, hay’s all bailed… Nothin’ to do now, ‘cept chew on this hee-ah straw an’ wait for spring. Sure hope we get an early spring this year, on account of my jaw gets powerful tired after a spell…

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You Mock Superman?

It is not wise to mock Superman. My super-ears can detect your suppressed giggles even over hundreds of miles. I might freeze you with my super-cooling breath, or fry you with my super-heat vision. Or perhaps I may flatten you beneath the weight of my super-pounce, or fling you across the room with one flick of my super-tail. But no, I am Superman. I use my super-powers only for good. Therefore, I shall merely throw you some super-shade.

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“Just moved into a new apartment. This is my neighbor,” says Redditor aletati.

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