Face the Morning After

You awaken just before noon. Blades of light slice through the gauzy haze as you piece together the evening’s revelries. There were balloons and alcohol, karaoke and alcohol, arson and alcohol, plus Mr. MacGroot from Accounting brought his bagpipes. Somehow, you staggered home and collapsed — and that’s when it happened. Your chin disappeared halfway into your head, your eyes and ears now point in different directions, and you realize your night of abandon has left you with a case — of Bed Face.

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My Shadow Has a Shadow

It even does what I do, and its shadow does what my shadow does! So does that mean my shadow shadows my shadow, or does my shadow’s shadow shadows my shadow? Whoa, it’s too late in the evening for this.


Via Bev Goodwin.

Let’s See What’s On Craigslist

ROOM FOR RENT: Furnished room available in luxury birdhouse. Quiet neighborhood, close to park, shopping, birdbath, etc. Ideal tenant should enjoy cats, reggae music, and being eaten. Ideal short-term housing for transient with no family or connections in area. Inquire in person.

  • cats are OK — purrr
  • dogs are OK — wooof
  • birds are OK — chomp

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Sometimes I Surprise Even Myself

But you’ll notice I’m not so surprised that I can’t catch it again! I’m that cool.

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What’s Cooking?

“Aw, youse ladies should not have to see this. Breaks me tender heart, it does. Poor Gertrude, cut down in the prime of her years, and for what? Shake ‘n Bake! Ain’t no justice in this world, is there, Charlie?”

“That’s right! They won’t even share — er, I mean they don’t even care!”

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I’m Tellin’ Ya, Eddie, if I Just Had a Hammer and Some Nails, We’d Be Livin’ Like Kings

“… so the living room, that’s where we’d have a big Dumpster. Tip it, roll in it, do whatever ya want. Maybe also a Foosball table. Then on the second floor, nothin’ but beer and honey.”

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“Welcome to Sunny Florida,” My Shell!

Been here a whole week, hasn’t let up once! I’ll never get a shell-tan if this keeps up!

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Dating Tips for Dogs!

So, you think you’re ready for a whirlwind night on the town with the lady of your dreams? Well, slo-ho-ho-ow down there, buckaroo, because it’s time to learn some basic dating etiquette!

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Tip number one: Take a bath! That “guess what I just rolled in” odor may impress your drinking buddies, but one whiff from your lady friend, and she’ll hand you a one-way ticket to the friend zone!

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Ahh, that’s better! Now it’s time to learn the art of dinner conversation. Make sure you hold her attention by steering the conversation to topics that might interest her:

  • Romantic movies
  • Romantic books
  • Romantic View-Master slides
  • Austrian vs. Keynesian Economic Theory: Which Is More Romantic?

But avoid these topics at all cost!

  • Demolition derby
  • Belt sanders you have owned
  • That thing you rolled in

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Max is quite the ladies pup, Tracey M.!

Shut Down All Garbage Smashers on the Detention Level!

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“A mouse that went into Mission Impossible mode in my house last year,” explains Redditor sharkyshark7.

I Think This Place Is Bugged

I’ve had this feeling for days now: haunting me, gnawing at me, the shadowy dread that tells me I’m not alone. Also, rocks don’t usually have blinking red lights on them, so there’s that little detail…

A Pallas’s cat gets curious about a video camera been placed in the enclosure. Via Laughing Squid.

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