Rubbing Me the Wrong Way?

What a comically alien concept. There is no wrong way. Now, continue, slave…

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Leftover Halloween Candy

A chocolate kiss! Bonus: Costume blocks orbital mind control satellites.

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Via Reddit.

Who Writes This Garbage?

This whole page is totally wrong! For starters, we do not fly in a “middle finger” formation, we do not have a “secret handshake,” we did not corner the market in soybeans in 1973, and we had nothing whatsoever to do with the Hindenburg disaster!

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“This bird landed on the page about itself,” says Redditor i_drink_your_tears.

It’s Right on the Tip of My, Um, Tasting-Thingy

I can still remember the day we met. She swam by and glanced at me, with a look that was so shy… Well, not shy, really, it was more — what’s the word? — demure. No, bashful… actually, more like coquettish… Flirtatious? Sly? Sneaky-lookish? Hang on, it’ll come to me…

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Via Animal Planet. (I know, that’s probably not a koi. Cope with it.)

A Bee-ver? Damn!

What the… I just don’t… I mean… I can’t even begin to… (thud)

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Via Reddit.

Be the Talk of the Cotillion!

Gentlemen, would you like to add some variety to your next prom or formal occasion? Then skip the traditional wrist corsage and surprise your date with this lovely wrist anteater!

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Via Reddit.

I’m Making My Own Costume!

Sheesh, every costume for kitties is “sexy” this and “sexy” that! This year the hot costume is “Sexy Ebola Nurse,” for Pete’s sake! Guess I’m rolling my own!

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And Now, The Halloween Gourmet

Good evening. When selecting just the right homes to visit, it may be wise to consider the dispensing container the homeowner has chosen. Is it a common household bowl? These may contain only garden-variety treats: Tootsie Rolls, Smarties, or worse, the dreaded $6.99 Wonka assortment.

However, if out host has employed a dispensing dish for the occasion, such as the promising jar to my right, then we may anticipate treats to satisfy the most discerning palate: rich cherry cordials, delicate nougats enveloped in fine Dutch chocolate…

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Alas, we are deceived; I detect the chalky odor of Neco Wafers. Which brings me to my next topic. When selecting eggs to pelt houses with…

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Via Bill & Vicki T.

I’m a Scary Halloween Ghost! Boo!

Oooooo, you’d better ru-u-u-u-un! Look at me floating, so sca-a-a-a-ary! Oooo-EEE-oooo, I’m coming for yo-o-o — yeah, okay, I just fell into some white stuff, trying to make it work for me, all right?

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If You Knew Sushi Like I Knew Sushi

I dress up as sushi, my favorite dish
I think it makes miso pretty
It just goes to shoyu, to look like a fish
Is delightful to most any kitty

Don’t provoke my tempura; it wouldn’t be right
Just respect my peculiar hobby
And if you sashimi this Halloween night
Feel free to come say “hey, wasabi?”

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Sushi Cat via pinguino k.

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