Disc-inclined to Help

Do we have Carmine “Bossa” Nova’s 1963 recording of Mellow Moods for Modern Muchachos? Yeah, I think that’s in storage downstairs, I could get up and… actually no, we don’t have that.

How about Death, Death, Pancakes, and Death by Sçhrëêçhår? Well, we got a big shipment of metal last week, so it’s probably in one of the boxes in… on second thought, no it isn’t.

Drowning in Ecstatic Sorrow by Lorelei Whistenbleen? I think that’s… Actually, you know what? We don’t sell records here. We’re just, um, a front for organized crime. Yeah. Probably want to leave before you get whacked.

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According to Reddit, this is Love Garden in Lawrence, Kansas.

Meanwhile, at the Ernst Fleetman Institution for the Study of Uncontrollable Sprinting…

“SoBeckyandGailfromAccountingaskedaboutyoulastweekand (huff, puff) Itoldthemyouweredoingmuchbetterandthatyou’dprobablybe (huff, puff) outinaweekortwobutfranklyIdon’tseeanynoticablechangein (huff, puff) yourconditionAreyoutakingthosepillsthedoctorgaveyou? (huff, puff)”

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Next Week, on The Guiding Leash

With their yearlong, multimillion-dollar divorce nearly finalized, Francis and Foofy Finklestein divide their remaining property: three boxes of paper clips and a Yanni CD. Winner gets the paper clips.

Meanwhile, Melanie Boogerwiper confronts shady blackmailer Emil von Waffle, who claims to have photographic proof that Melanie once owned an entire set of the “Police Academy” movies.

And in a secluded room at the No Names Please Motel on the edge of town, forbidden lovers Lance and Sheila engage in a stimulating discussion on the unknowable nature of the cosmos…

Via Petteri Sulonen.

Extreme Shrimp Makeover

Welcome back! Before the break, we met Walter Warblewump, an accountant from off the coast of La Jolla, CA. Walter’s fashion sense was drab and conservative, and he felt he needed a new direction…

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So our crack makeover team went to work. A change of clothes, new contact lenses, and some accessorized feelers… and just look at Walter now!

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Top photo via William Warby.

You Know Your Pillow’s Too Big When…

… you walk across it and have to stop halfway for a nap.

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“I was fostering a puppy for the SPCA. She was kinda small,” says Redditor twentygreen.

A Cute Overload Afterschool Special

“The Show and Tell Tragedy” — A happy day ends in heartbreak for little Marvin Hachenball when he loses his gold-plated, limited edition, lucky “Captain Mousie” collector’s coin.

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Lost Matter by Koziro Hasegawa.

If Only They Had Listened, the Fools…

Nobody believed Sy Yamese when he claimed to have seen alien visitors from the Dog Star.

Via Twitter.

Duck the Giant Slayer

And so, having felled the fearsome giant, Duck waddled home to a hero’s welcome in his humble village…

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Via Reddit.

Oh, You Are Getting a Flu Shot

It’s just a question of what sort of pointy object you’d like jabbed into you.

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But Then They Fought Over the Last Meatball

Get ready to swoon as a Boston Terrier and an artful Dodgers fan recreate one of Disney’s most romantic moments, the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp.

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