I’m a Watchdog! Get It?

Because I’m a dog, and I’m attached to your wrist, just like a watch, so I’m kind of like a watch that’s also a dog… Dang, this joke was so much funnier before smartphones came along.

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“This means she loves you,” notes Redditor olafwa.

Kids These Days and their Expectations

“Honey, I’m sorry they didn’t have any shopping carts shaped like racing cars. How about mommy buys you a big box of Tuna-Snax instead?”

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Take This Back and Tell the Cook He’s Fired!

I specifically ordered chilled, organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, ethically-sourced, free-range, Gala apple slices, and you serve me chilled, organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, ethically-sourced, free-range, Granny Smith apple slices! Has the entire world gone completely insane?!

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You Had One Job, Rex! One Job!

I drive all the way to the ballpark when I’m supposed to be at the office, buy an extra ticket just to get you in here, we walk halfway around the stadium looking for a concession stand that sells “frankfurters” because you think “hot dogs” is speciesist, so when Manny Mota hits a once-in-a-career homer into our section, you’re supposed to catch the freaking ball!

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Via Reddit/Imgur.

A Public Service Announcement from the Department of Science Fiction

Remember, this is radioactive mutant giant spider season in the southern United States, portions of South America, and of course Australia. Protect yourself and loved ones by keeping pets and children away from webs, making an escape plan in case of invasion, and keeping your flamethrower fully fueled at all times.

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Via Reddit/Imgur.

Hey There, Fellow Bunnies!

Wow, it’s great to be with other bunnies, which I also am as well! So what kind of bunny things are you guys doing? Wrinkling your noses, am I right? Man, I love doing that! And hopping, don’t get me started with the hopping! Wow, I totes love you guys, I could hug each and every one of you!

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Pretty as a Pitcher

Let’s say you have a pitcher. You could fill it up with water
And drink eight glasses every day, like experts say you oughter
Or mix a batch of lemonade, for outdoor entertaining
Some sangria to just see ya through evenings when it’s raining
Hey, margaritas would be nice, they’ll make you briefly giddy
But for delight all day and night, just fill it up with kitty!

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Via Reddit.

Paging Erwin Schrödinger

Imagine you place a kitty in a box, and then place that box in another box with another kitty. According to the theory of Qtetum Mechanics, there is a 46% chance that the kitties will be furiously whapping each other, a 72% chance they will be cuddling each other, a 19% chance they will be simultaneously whapping and cuddling, and a 218% chance they will just stare at you until you give them treats.

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Via Reddit/Imgur.

 

Peekaboo Cockatoo

Peekaboo cockatoo
Plays wit’choo all day through
I would too, wouldn’t you?

New from Ikea

Add warmth and style to your living room with the FLØÖF accent rug ($39). Also available: SPÔT rug (white w/black spots), MEØW rug (black w/eyes).

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“Fifth time this week I misplaced my Yorkie” says Redditor fogflip.

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