What Are They Putting in Those Leaves?

And whatever it is, could I get some in my morning coffee?

He Asked Me! He Asked Me!

This is the happiest day of my life! I can’t wait to call my mom, and text my girlfriends, and go shopping for matching collars, and look for a nice doghouse in the suburbs, and…

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“They’re actually brother and sister,” notes Redditor shes_a_gdb. (Yes, I have no idea which one’s which.)

Oh Boy, It’s a Kitten!

Oh joy and rapture! Now I have my own lit-tuhl friend to hug and play with and love and also hug! And it will sleep in my bed, and eat all my food, and chew up my toys… and… whack my nose when I’m sleeping… and…

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“Was worried about how the dog would react to the new kitten,” says Redditor toniashley88. “I think it’s safe to say he’s happy about it.”

Kids These Days, They Just Stand There

Why, when I was their age, I was leaping and frolicking all over the place! Now look at ‘em — stiff as statues.

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Via Sam Lavy.

Wanna Play Chicken?

When Vito the macaw wants to go for a race
He leads earthbound friends on a cross-country chase
Neck and neck for a stretch, like they’re flying together,
Then he shuts ‘em down, saying “kiss my tail feather!”

Maybe if I Jiggled the Handle of Fate…

Dear Diary: At last, the Tall Ones have made a critical misstep, and enlightenment is within my reach. They have left open the doorway to the Porcelain Oracle, a swirling vortex through which all that is hidden may be revealed. Now, if I can only learn its workings…

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“Furry little ball doing nonsense at home!” says Flickr-er Natasia Causse. “I took this picture before realizing that the toilet lid was up.”

A Little More Nuts Than Usual

IMPORTANT: Trader Schmoe’s has announced a recall of its current batch of almond cookies due to a tendency for the cookies to become hostile. Any attempt to eat these cookies may result in injury, possibly laughter-related.

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“These almond cookies are very aggressive,” notes Redditor ateraxiaa.

Chill Out, Dude

Yeah, it’s dark and the food’s a little tough to chew, but I’m cool with the climate.

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“Our Husky Stark seemed a little overheated after his walk this morning, so we decided to tried something out. We regret it now because it is next to impossible to get him to come out,” laments Redditor AmericanCarrot.

Oh, Madame, You Look Ravisheeng

Zat hat, eet ees so becomeeng on you! Ze style, ze co-lairs, ze jaunty plumage, eet transforms madame into ze vee-shon of lovliness, non?

vHWOYAU

Diver Advisory Cautionary Warning Alert!

Due to the combined effects of acid rain, global warming, fracking runoff, radioactive fallout, burst sewage pipelines, and motor oil poured down storm drains, divers are advised that prolonged exposure to reef water may cause slight facial skin irritation.

Read more about it in The Mirror.

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