This Sucks

Man, I really wish these people would get a kid already.  The three-AM feedings, the burpings, the diaper changes… it’s just not in my job description, y’know?

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And what’s worse, they keep making me listen to Mozart while I’m sleeping, when I’m much more partial to Bach or Vivaldi…

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Photo: omniNate

I Tawt I Taw a Twitter Tat!

Remember how we watched in awe as Ashton Kutcher beat CNN to a million Twitter followers?  All right, maybe awe is too strong a word, but according to the Baltimore Sun, a cat named Sockington is catching up, quietly racking up half that million, and gaining every day.   What’s the matter, Ashton?  Cat Kutcher tongue?

I must leek ze feengers zat tweetz for meeeeeeee!

Photo: Jason “Textfiles” Scott

The Return of Sniper Kitty

When we last checked in with Sniper Kitty, he was lying in wait to ambush his sworn enemy, the dreaded Pen.  Some things never change, it seems…

Unpleasantly Extreme Home Makeover

“Well, the builders have packed up, the decorators have put on the finishing touches, and it’s time for our lucky homeowner to see the bright new results for the very first time.  So let’s cut to our live camera for her spontaneous reaction…”

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Got any more bright ideas, Yvonne G.?

Calibrating the Acoustic Pigometer

As many of you audiophiles know, the acoustic pigometer is one of the most precise and sensitive pieces of sound-measurement equipment on the market, and as such requires extensive calibration before use.  Let’s listen to how it’s done:

Cows II: This Time, It’s Snorglable

Sometimes that cow, she looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a cow… she’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When she comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until she licks ya with that soft pink tongue and then… ah, then you hear that terrible high-pitched squee-in’…

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We’re gonna need a bigger barn, Fay H.
(Update: Gender-confusion issue resolved. :))

Cat: It’s What’s for Dinner

You know, working hard all day sure builds up a powerful, man-size hunger.  So when I get home, I like to cook up a hot, steaming plate… of Cat™.

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That’s because Cat™ is the kind of hearty, stick-to-your-ribs meal that tastes so right after a tough day.  So treat yourself to the all-natural goodness… of Cat™.

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Now available at all Kate G. Marts in the Upper Greater Quad-County area.

The Four Horsies of the Cutepocalypse

“Listen, loves — the photographer wants you arranged from darkest to lightest, so Redonkulousness, I need you to stand next to Nomming… yes, that’s it… and Snorgles and Proshness, if I could get you to switch places, that would be super, thanks.  Now, big smiles, everyone…”

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Photo: Iceland Ponies 2 by david.nikonvscanon

Ready… Aim…

Bravely refusing the blindfold, Lieutenant Drummond defiantly stared down the row of soldiers before him, each with a single snowball at the ready.  “Does condemned have any last requests?” asked Colonel Blatznykov.

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More vintage WTF from Flickr Commons.

Amazing New Species Discovered!

Friends, we stand at the threshold of evolutionary history, because the San Francisco Zoo has discovered the first-ever gorilla/giraffe hybrid!  The Zoo has released this amazing photo of the baby “gorillaffe” (homo reticulus redonkuli), which should silence even the most doubtful skeptics, and you can see more on the Zoo’s Picasa pages.

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