Well, the recession may have hit some of us kinda hard, but you can still be a handyman no matter where you are. So, on today’s show, I’ll be mixing a half bag of flour and a broken bottle of Kayo syrup into a durable all-weather sealant. Later, I’ll show you how to turn an old license plate into a distinctive end table.
(OK, when I call “Action,” you just turn and read what’s on the card. All right?)
Sure, no problem. Let’s do this.
(Fine. And … action!)
Friends, has your mom been tasting a little rancid lately?
(Wait, that’s not what it says on the…)
I mean not just a bit sour, but that full-on chalky mix of week-old milk, with a hint of tobacco and sardines that just makes you want to toss your cookies, am I right?
(Uh, if we could just stick to the script here…)
That’s why our mom drinks Schblatz Beer!
(That’s not even the sponsor! What the hell are you…)
Only Schblatz is double-brewed to be double-smooth, with the taste kitties love…
(Somebody call Security!)
So treat your mom to a cool, refreshing Schblatz! She’ll love it–and so will you!
(… and then call Kelly H. in the Casting Office and tell her she’s fired!)
… who nourishes our forest with gentle life-giving rains,
… who blesses us with interesting feet that can grab things,
… who makes heavy the trees with delicious fruits that are very hard to open,
… who causes the theme from “The Benny Hill Show” to reverberate inside our tiny heads whenever we frolic and scamper through the treetops,
… all glory and pudding be upon thee, forever and ever, aaaaaaaa-monnnnk…
(OK, this is an ape, not a monkey, but we like the sound of “monkey butt,” so deal.)
Just look at him. The genial, glad-handing imbecile. At the bed with the paper every morning, by the door with the slippers every night. Even now, the little toady waits at his usual place, on top of the large “X” conveniently drawn on the sidewalk. Yessss, keep waiting… That’s a good boy…
From a collection of cute photobombs, since we’re on the subject (some NSFW)
Rescue a bird, make a friend; that’s the blue jay way. In this video from The Weather Channel, a nice South Carolina man did a good deed for a feathered neighbor, who now visits him every day for hors d’oeuvres and gossip, not to mention a bit of sunbathing on his porch.
With the waning of August and the approach of cooler fall breezes, the time is right to fly a kite! Whether you prefer the swoops and dives of “stunt” kites, or the peaceful, serene floating of the classic box kite, you’ll find kite flying to be a relaxing way to spend quality time with family and friends.
It’s a good idea, however, to weigh more than six pounds.
Last sighted over Boise by Maria N.
Those fragile, squinting eyes; those tentative first steps; that precious moment when they look to you with faces that radiate pure love. And before you know it…
… they’re engaging in scandalous butt-biting (in plain sight of the entire Ladies Aid Society and Sewing Circle, mercy!), smashing up the Mercedes and calling you at 3AM to bail them out of Juvenile Hall.
Kids these days, Linda G.