Friday Staff Meeting

… and our final action item for today, in regards to re-purposing the deliverables for the Q1 global co-localization initiative going forward …

… we’re experiencing push-back over negative asset retention metrics, vis-a-vis our mission-critical relationship management wombat …

… at the end of the day, to synergize a best-of-breed flapdoodle customer-oriented splinky narfle paradigm wumpus noodle fleeple spork …

Brought to you by CuteThingsFallingAsleep.org, the most comprehensive resource for cute things falling asleep in the entire global history of cute things falling asleep.

Band Practice is Canceled Again

"Don’t get me wrong, fellas, I really like the direction you’re taking here.  You’ve got a whole Counting-Crows-meet-The-Banana-Splits-with-a-hint-of-Philip-Glass thing going, and it’s very progressive, I respect that …"

(More like fingers-meet-ears-with-a-hint-of-cerebral-hemorrhaging, frankly.)

"… but darn the luck, I’m behind on my sleep, and I really need to get a few hours of catnapping in before bedtime, so if you could just close the door quietly on your way out, I’d really appreciate it, thanks."

(Works every time, heh, heh...)

That’s one pearl of wisdom, Jenna M.

I Hate Mid-terms…

"This is my worst semester EVER.  In History, I have a paper due on the Code of Hammurabi; in Government, I have to write about Alexander Hamilton, and I haven’t even started reading Hamlet for Literature class."

Once this is over, I'll be in my hammock.

Better stock up on the Red Bull, Lindsey B.

This Is Your Day, Arthur Pewtey!

"You’re going to march right into that office and say ‘listen here, Mr. Higgenblatz, I’ve been with this firm for over ten years, and it’s high time I had my own private office, and a reserved parking space, and a five dollar an hour raise, and … um, how about two dollars, then?  And, er, the office doesn’t have to have to be really big or have a window or anything, and I’ve been thinking about taking the bus anyway, so I don’t really need the parking space …’ "

... and if I had to share the office, that would be OK, I guess ...

That’ll show him who’s boss, Becky H.

The Legend of the Prickly Kid

Now me and the boys were in Clancy’s Saloon, and hoistin’ our mugs in a toast,
When Old Man McGee bursts in through the door, lookin’ as pale as a ghost.
"I pity you, son," he stammered at last. "I reckon you best get yourself hid."
"There’s a feller in town who’s a lookin’ for you, by the name of the Prickly Kid."

My skin went clammy, my hands took to shakin’, the beer went sour in my mouth,
For there weren’t a more fearsome critter alive, from the North clean to the South.
They say when he hunts you, there’s nowhere to run, and you might as well number your days,
Because no man alive’s been known to survive the Kid’s cold, unblinking gaze.

Then the customers scattered, the piano stopped playin’, and slowly I turned around,
At the end of the bar stood the Prickly Kid, never making a move nor sound.
He fixed me right there with a steely stare, and "hewwo" was all he said.
And I took one look in those beady cute eyes, and I plumb keeled over dead.

I'm a wootin' tootin' gunswinger!

Now, the moral of my story’s a warning to you, and I’m sure Sarah R. would agree,
When your time is over, there’s naught you can do, and there’s no sense in trying to flee.
So stay right here and finish your beer, for you won’t be escaping the joint.
When the Prickly Kid comes a-lookin’ for you, you’re definitely getting the point.

I wonder what’s on The Tuna Channel?

"Hey, boss, this new high-definition TV is amazing!  Just look at the detail in those scales!"

Isn't it bad for your eyes to sit that close?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess "tuna," Kim S.

Another Childhood Illusion Shattered

Little Mitzi Bumblefufkin, age 5, discovers her father’s fake Santa Claus beard.

But ... but ... WHY, Daddy?

They grow up so fast these days, Glenna M.

Land of the Rising Pom

"Konnichiwa! and welcome to Sushi Kennel!  Our specials this week are Milk-Bone-shaped tuna, and the California Roll-Over-and-Play-Dead.  May I bring you a hot towel and sake before ordering?"

Kimono my house, mon amour...

Domo arigato, sender-inner-san Ariana G.

Congratulations, New Cat Owner!

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand-new cat!  With proper care and maintenance, your new cat will provide you with years of trouble-free service.

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The most important step in unpacking your new cat is: Save all packing materials!  They will be required for returns or service requests, so always keep them handy.

Bonus points for packing packing materials in your packing materials!

In fact, just in case you need backup packing materials, go ahead and save your old shoe boxes, moving cartons, mailing tubes, cereal containers …

There's no WAY you're a size six, lady.

… drink cartons, lunch pails, hat boxes, unused planters, that old PC with the parts removed …

Mmm, that was refreshing -- now where's the bathroom?

… suitcases, backpacks, Tupperware containers, violin cases, Russian nesting dolls …

Say, whose idea was all the boxes?  I barely have room to stretch!

Photos of Mia from sender-inner Stacey T. More at Flickr.

Wonder Tail Powers, Activate!

Take that, evildoers!  By combining our tails, we unleash our devastating Super Mooning Powers!  FLASH!  Your attacks are useless against our a-tocks!

More like 'Super Wretched Pun Powers,' jeez...

Will you be my Super Friend, Erika S.?

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