The Lonely, Desolate Life of Sniper Kitty

Sniper Kitty mans his solitary outpost. Day fades into day, night into night, until time is meaningless, the horizon becomes the only world he knows, and there is only the vigil to define him; the ceaseless waiting for the enemy that may come at any moment — or not at all.

It's almost ... TOO quiet.

Then he sees it — the foe he has waited an aching eternity to face:  The dreaded pen.  Instinct grips him now, stoked by the fear that burns in the furnace of his soul, the sickening knowledge that only one may succeed, and one must fail.  It is either bat — or be batted.

tha-THUMP, tha-THUMP, tha-THUMP, tha-THUMP ...

His prey draws closer.  Each second hangs forever in the icy winter stillness.  Small sounds echo in his ears now — a faint footstep, a rustling of leaves — speaking to a sense beyond sense, flowing into him, guiding him, telling him when the moment is right …

Enjoy a swatting of LIBERTY, vile oppressor!

And then, without warning, he strikes!  Channeling all his energy into one focused lunge, with devastating force he … he … heeee reeeeally likes tuna, he thinks.  Tuna is delicious.  Very tasty, indeed.  He could go for some tuna right now, in fact.  Because he really, really enjoys tuna.  He likes tuna.  He likes tuna a lot.

And furthermore, I like tuna.

See, this is why cats never won a war, Mark J.

And Now, Another Cute Olympics Update

BEIJING — In gymnastics today, the odds-on favored Hamstrovakian team took the gold in the Women’s Synchronized Dangling.  Pictured here, from top, are teammates Uvula Stolichnaya, Ivana Hugankissya and Olga Reallylongfunnynameski.

Yeah, prolly a fake, but who cares? WE LOVE EEEEET!

Our thanks to cute-porter Tabby for today’s update.

Begun, the Nuff Wars have …

And now for something completely different:  A cat with four ears.  Meet "Yoda," the first kitty equipped for quadraphonic sound.  Adopted by a nice couple in Chicago, Yoda hears well and is otherwise normal, apart from a tendency to emit feedback when held too close to speakers.  More pix and article at the Daily Mail.

Could could you you turn turn down down your your radio radio please please?

Ears to you, Mary O.

And Now, This Cute Olympics Update

BEIJING — In Guinea Pig men’s doubles today, the Dutch team suffered a stunning setback when teammate Pyetr Van Dingledangledongle got the ball stuck in his mouth and was volleyed for over a minute before judges ended the match.   Reached for comment later, Van Dingledangledongle said "Mrhhph ghlrrfph thr fhlprrgth, sthllrth ig blurrpth."

I'll be fine; just get me a really big toothpick.

We LOVE heem, Camilla S.

Clinically-tested safer than caffeine!

Friends, is your drab, everyday calendar putting you to sleep?  Does your Sudoku have the same effect as Sudafed?  Have you learned 365 new words — for "boring"?  Then you need the mind-expanding power of the Cute Overload 2009 Desk Calendar, the only calendar scientifically engineered to safely stimulate the Cutanenal Lobe, that hard-to-reach area of your brain that makes you jump up and down and go "squeeeeeeeee!"

So order your Cute Overload 2009 Desk Calendar today, from Amazon.com, Borders.com or Calendars.com!  Specially-trained pandas are standing by to ship your order!

... brain ... too ... weak ... must ... order ... cute ... ness ...

You may need the extra-strength version for that one, Zoe P.

Crank It Up, Man!

Get your nose a-sniffin / Head out on the highway / Lookin’ for aromas / And whatever comes our way…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN TOOOO BEEEE
WIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIII-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!!

(THUMP-tha-da-THUMP-tha-da-DUDDA-da-da-THUMP!  THUMP-tha-da-THUMP-tha-da-DUDDA-da-da-THUMP!)

Objects in mirror are more blissed than they appear.

Totally awesome submish-osity from the aptly-named Joy H.

BABE ALERT!

“Dude, check it out — total hottie at three o’clock!”
“Where?  Where? By the vending machines?”
“No, man!  Quick, you’re gonna miss her!
“I still can’t see any — OW, STOP PUSHING MY HEAD!”

two marmalade kittens

So, Karla A. — you come here often?

Look Sharp, Armchair Detectives!

Hidden in this seemingly ordinary photo are clues to help you solve … (pause for dramatic effect) … A MURRRR–DERRRRR!  (dun, dun, DUUUUUUNNNNNN!)   Study this scene carefully — can you unravel the mystery?

CSI: Cute Scene Investigation

NEED A HINT?  Pay close attention to these clues:

Wow! She was my sixth-favorite Friend ever!

A magazine opened to a picture of Courtney Cox-Arquette!  The victim must have been engrossed in an article about the lanky Friends co-star, allowing the killer to sneak up from behind!

Bucka-bucka-bucka-BONK!

A dead chicken clutching a billiard ball!  Could this have been the murder weapon?

Oh, hello there!

A custom-made fur-lined beer-can holder! (partially obscured by dog)  Ah-HAH!  Alcohol must have been involved!

Ask your mom.

A basket with a variety of Japanese honeymoon accessories!  Well … maybe we shouldn’t talk about these.

And the answer, says super-sleuth Dona R.: "The cat did it!"

Just five more minutes, Dad…

"Aw, Dad, I don’t wanna get out yet!  You better leave me in here because … ahmm … I’m a mad dog!  Yep, that’s it, check out the foam!  Growl!  I’m completely off my rocker, better not get near me!  Growl, growl!"

10

"No?  Well, then … uhmmm … I’m SANTA CLAUS!  Yeah, that’s the ticket!  See, with the hat?  Ho, ho, ho, you’d better not take me out of this tub yet, or it’s no presents for you, nuh huh …"

Jeez, what's the point of being cute if I can't get more tub time?

They’re such a handful at that age, Scott H.

Our Five Finalists Face the Essay Question

"… and the first question goes to Miss Chickasawhatchee, Melita Jane Hoofnagle:  One-fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

'And furthermore, um ... moo?'

I think we have our Miss Congeniality, Beth S.

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