I Arrest You In The Name Of Surrealism!

Sender-inner Carrie L. found these pictures of "Stache" on a message board. Either Stache has had a little mishap with a Magic Marker, or that is one devastatingly delicate mustache.  And it reminds me of somebody, but I’m not sure who…

You're looking at it now, aren't you? The rest of me's cute too, ya know.

Now, my left brain, the logical, analytical half that tells me to store my ATM receipts in chronological order for future reference, thinks that he looks like genius supersleuth Hercule Poirot.

Frankly, d00d, both halves are kinda creepin' me out here.

But my right brain, the random, creative half that tells me to run through the mall wearing nothing but body paint and ostrich feathers and singing the Oscar Meyer wiener jingle, thinks he looks like surrealist painter Salvador Dali.

Am I weird because I want to see these two guys bullfighting each other?

So I leave it to you, peeps — which half is right?  Vote below!

Bun Mom On Campus

Ace Cuteologist Lisa M. writes us with a problem: "I have such a hard time studying at school because our campus is overrun with buns!" she tells us. "Seriously, I never get tired of seeing the buns, and I think my GPA has dropped a few points because of them, but it’s worth it to see these guys every day!"  We should all have such problems.

Keeping watch in case Wallace and Gromit show up with their Bun-Vac thingy.

Eventually, they ooze together into one big bunny.

Nice buns!

Safety Tip: Always lock your bun!

In this picture, there are 47 people. None of them can be seen...

Ease up on the mascara there, Tammy Faye.

For Your Consideration: Wuthering Plains

In the Best Picture category: Wuthering Plains, the heart-wrenching story of doomed lovers Catherine (Redonkuletta deMille) and Heathcliff (Rock Proshman), joined by a passion they can never share.  Academy Voters: Your membership card entitles you to free admission plus box of Kleenex at any performance.

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home and I'm so cold, let me into your window...

And the winner is: And the Oscar goes to: Eric V.

Cute Overload Super Xtreme Games Ultra Challenge!

Welcome, sports fans!  And going first in the "Freestyle Toss Up" category is Pickle, catching some righteous airtime as she soars over the stadium!  Way to work those ears, Pickle!

On your mark...

… and up next is Seitan, rockin’ it with a perfect 90-degree mid-air twist!  Radical!

... get set...

… and finally, we have Seymore, who’ll be attempting a gnarly double back-flip followed by… Whoa!  Seymore misses the target completely and heads right into the stands!  Oh, that’s gonna be some points off — bummer, Seymore!

... NUFF!

And now it’s over to Irene for the post-game wrap-up!

May I Take Your Dream Order?

… all right then, so that’s four endless bowls of milk, three cars that let you catch them, one Godlike Mastery over Space and Time, and a chew toy.  Will there be anything else?

You know puppies are happy when they even SLEEP in smile formation.

What’s your dream order, Andrea B.?

The Return of Benson Hedges, Private Eye!

In our last chapter of the adventures of Benson Hedges, Private Eye, our hero tracked down the notorious crime boss, “Squeaky” Lowenstein.  Can Benson make this hardened criminal quack under questioning?  Tune in for the next thrilling episode!

You ain't getting a peep outta me, gumshoe!

Remember, no enhanced interrogation techniques, Kate G.

Great Scot!

"Ach, how dearly I love to stroll the hills an’ valleys o’me beloved East Kibblearneyshire-on-Heath, land o’me birth. To watch the mornin’ mist creepin o’er the moors… To hoist a pint wi’the lads down at the Goose and Gristle… And the lassies. Aye, the bonnie lassies, greetin’ ye with a hearty ‘hoocch floocch nae’Gloocch!‘ Aye, there dinna be nae finer country in Heaven an’ Earth than me own bonnie…"

"Oh, will you give it a rest already, Brigadoofus?  This is Des Moines!"

( Ach, I kinna stands that cat. )

The dilithium crystals kinna handle the cute, Carrie B.!

The Dog Did It

"Touch nothing!" ordered Inspector LaFlange as he entered the study.  In the room were the bodies of T. Randolph Flosswinkle, billionaire inventor of sonar-guided nose-hair clippers, and his top accountant, Bryce Porterhouse. Immediately, the Inspector’s keen senses picked up the scent of foul play. "This was no accident," he declared.  "This case has the unmistakable odor — OF MURDER!"

If you took me off that high-fiber dog food, these things wouldn't happen.

Do NOT go in there, Stacy C.

Inaugural Ball-Crashers Compare Notes

"… well, first we tried the MTV Youth Inaugural Ball, but it was strictly A-listers and they had these huge goons working security, so we were able to sneak into Foreign Diplomats Inaugural Ball for a half-hour because they thought we were waiters, but then they kicked us out when they caught us swimming in the punch bowl.  Finally, we ended up at the Mid-Atlantic States Linoleum Manufacturers for Change Gala; they were pretty much letting anybody with a tux in after 10:30 …"

They had a nice 'O' ice sculpture, too. Very comfy.

Party on, Jane K.

How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?

I wanna be the first dog to piddle on the moon!Now, I was told there'd be an in-flight movie...

Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.

"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)

But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:

Hrrphth mrrpth ith glurrphtth! Fancy a spot of sherry in the officer's club, old bean? Workers arise! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
President-for-life, Spanielvania
N-no c-c-coffee for m-me, th-thanks... I've ... SEEN things. (shudder) Lick that fur, soldier! You're a disgrace to this cat's Army!
Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 15,597 other followers