The Amazing Remote-Control Otters!

OK, for this next trick, you need to get a remote-control device.  TV, stereo, it doesn’t really matter, as long as it has a really big button on it.  Go ahead, we’ll wait. (elevator music, dum dee dum…)  Got it?  Now, incredible as this may sound, your remote control will let you switch off these otters’ brains all at once.  Start the video, and get ready to push the really big button … right … about …

(00:24) … now.  Was that cool or what?!
Wait, we’re gonna do it again.  On your mark … get set …

(00:36) … click.

Wow, Philip K., that was totally (click) …

… awesome.

You Lookin’ at Me?

Whaddya lookin’ at?  Huh?  You lookin’ at me?  Well, I’m the only one here, so you gotta be lookin’ at something.  What, I look funny to you, like I’m a clown, I amuse you?  I make you laugh, I’m here to frickin’ amuse you?  Whaddya lookin’ at?  Hah?  HAAAAAHH?!  Yeah, that’s right, you better keep walkin’, ya goombah.

Seriously, all kidding aside, what are you looking at?

He’s such a good fella, Judy K.

At Last the Truth Can Be Told!

My friends, a sinister enemy walks among us — perhaps in your very house.  It comes from the distant reaches of another galaxy, yet takes the form of an innocent house cat, gaining our trust, then … stealing our very thoughts while we sleep!!   My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer.  Can your heart stand the shocking facts of … BRAIN ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE?!?

That ATM password has GOT to be in here somewhere.

I want to believe, Jill H.

Tip: Avoid the Piranha Special

According to CNN, the hottest new spa treatment in the Washington, DC area is fish pedicures, where tiny, toothless carp nibble away all your dead skin, for the nom-nom-nominal fee of $35.  According to customers, the treatment produces just a tingling sensation: "It kind of feels like your foot’s asleep," says one.  It’s all happening at Yvonne Hair and Nails salon, where the elite meet to become a fishy treat.

Fish are friends -- YOU'RE food.

You first, Angelina R.

Yah, dere’s da source o’yer clog, den…

Yah, Mrs. Lundegaard, dat’s why yer sink’s backin’ up, don’cha know — ya gotta big ol’ clog o’ cat hair down dere.  An’ it’s still in da shape udda cat, and lemmie tell’ya, dat’s da worst kinda clog dere is, you betcha…

Thanks, I was feeling a bit woebegone, there.

So don’cha forget da sink-strainer next time, Leslie.

For That Pom-tastic Smile!

Congratulations, and thank you for purchasing the HyperPom™ Dental Care System. With proper care and feeding, your HyperPom will give you many years of tooth-cleaning service.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE

  1. Insert toothbrush into the patented Grrrip-Tite™ mechanism and close gently.
  2. Apply your favorite toothpaste to the brush.
  3. Taunt HyperPom™ mercilessly until it begins to vibrate with rage.

Why ... you ... lousy, stinkinIoughtaBZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Found on Wag Reflex, the Amazon.com pet blog

The Dark Knight Knursery

Where will the Batmen of tomorrow come from?  Possibly from the rescue centre on the Atherton Tablelands in northern Queensland, Australia, which is caring for these orphaned bat-babies.

Holy bundles of joy!

Bring on the tiny little Jokers!

Why so serious?

That was knice and knoteworthy, Kira K.

Poetry Time

How does the meadow flower its bloom unfold?

C'mere, wanna show you sumpin'

Because the lovely little flower is free

Dis mah spayshul place.

Down to its root, and, in that freedom, bold.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

From "A Poet! He Hath Put his Heart to School" by William Wordsworth

Photos of "Moses" by Hannah W.

Worst. Combover. EVAR.

"Do I have anything in my hair?  I’ve got something in my hair, don’t I?  I can’t see it — can you maybe, like, point to it or something?  Wait, are you pointing now?  Because I can’t see you.  Well, shoot, this isn’t working out."

It's still there, isn't it?

I have one word for you, Katherine S. — Supercuts.

When You Wish Upon a Pod

Once upon a time, in a faraway land called Borneo, where they filmed either Survivor or Gilligan’s Island, I always get those two mixed up, there was a Cuteologist named Maya A.  One fine day, as Maya was walking through a rainforest so mysterious and remote that it didn’t even have a Jamba Juice yet, she encountered one of the clever forest gremlins who disguised themselves as seed pods to avoid anthropologists and bill collectors.

No, I'm not Señor Wences.  I get that a lot.

Quick as a wink, Maya scooped him up.  "I will grant you three wishes," said the gremlin as he struggled, "but you must promise to release me, and give me a …

"C.O. EXTREME CLOSE-UP!!!!"

This is a close-up?!

"Whoa there, Spielberg — not that close.  Back it up a little."

Thanks for the sour persimmons, cousin.

"Yeah, that works.  Okay, back to the three wishes.  Naturally, there’s some fine print, so listen up:  First, no wishing for more wishes; I saw Aladdin too, smartypants, so don’t embarrass yourself.  Second, Pierce Brosnan’s married, so just deal with it.  And finally, if you wish for an iPhone, there’s a three-week wait plus an activation charge."

All rightie then, fellow cuteaholics — what would YOUR three wishes be?