Dear Not That Abby The Other Abby,

My boyfriend and I adopted a kitten a few months ago. She is so sweet and little but she has this problem. She likes feet. And I don’t mean she thinks they’re kinda neat and she watches them. I mean she thinks they are tasty and she must eat them. Especially for breakfast. Especially in the very early morning hours for breakfast. This was taken after she was caught in the act. Don’t let the innocent act fool you. She is evil. Lovable… but evil.

Signed, Carrie M.

I can kick the habit anytime, honest!

Dear Carrie:

Let’s not pussyfoot around—your tiny toe-taster is in a terrible jam! Unless you intervene—and fast—she’ll become a full-on feline footaholic. Tell this heel to get on the ball and go to a local Toe-Anon meeting, and if she arches her back, remind her that de-nail isn’t just a river in Egypt, no matter how corny that sounds.

-The Other Abby

Shiver Me Whiskers!

Arrrrrgh, mateys!  Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day, and ye be aboard the SS Redonkulous, the cutest vessel what ever sailed the Internets!  I’m Captain Kidd N. Kaboodle, and if it’s adventure ye be after, then welcome aboard!  And now, here’s my first(-post) mate, Mister Bleen!


Evil things people do to their pets, originally uploaded by International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Avast there, ye scurvy dogs!  Afore ye can sail in this thread, ye’ve got to show us you’re a real pirate!  Remember, this is Talk Like A Pirate Day, so either talk the talk — or walk the plank!  Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

The Eternal Struggle of Camel Versus Bucket

In the remote plains of Wazoolooland, we come upon an all-too-familiar scene:  A fierce camel locked in mortal combat with the small but wily plastic bucket.

old_nemesis

Saracen_pig

For the bucket, its only chance is to raise its defenses and hope to tire his adversary …

GOOOOOOAAAL

not_walrus

Alas, even the bucket’s tough protective shell is no match for the camel’s ruthless onslaught …

hump_day

… and with one final bite, the struggle is over.

CHOMP!!

Victorious, the mighty camel cries out his call of triumph.

THIS...IS...SPARTAAAAAAA!

We’ll be back with more of "Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom" after these messages.

bucket_insurance

Yes, sir, Gelosia … that’s your "Baby." ( More photos here )

Quiz: Is It Photoshopped?

This picture is:

  1. Photoshopped;
  2. Really Photoshopped;
  3. Really, reeeeaaallly Photoshopped.

4. All of the ab-EEEEAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!

Can I peek at your answer, Karen G.?

Do You Mind?!

"We were right in the middle of … um … playing leapfrog!  Um, wait … no, I was giving her a back massage!  Yeah, that’s the ticket … ahmm, would you believe we’re practicing for the football team?  Hup one, hup two!"

HI, MOM!

Scandalous, Tami S.

Let the necking…begin!

"Charles—it was love at first sight when I saw your beautiful, long neck…"

"Nadine—you’re the one with the vertebra that WON’T QUIT"

Pic_12137470106446

And then they stared at their lake reflections fer hours, Jennifer B.

Insanitized for Your Protection

At the Hotel Cuteinental, your every comfort is our concern.  Our spacious guest rooms include a fully-stocked mini-bar, valet/shoe-shine service, complimentary breath mints, luxurious bathrobes and, of course, designer kitten.

I eated yur bref mints, sowwy.

Do you take Diner’s Club, Melissa B.?

Hey, Wanna See an Impression?

"Check me out — I’m a duck!  QUAAACK!  Boy, I could really go for some stale bread right about now, because I’m a duck!  Get it?  In fact, I’m buying a round of stale bread for the house — just put it on my bill!"

(crickets chirping)

"I said ‘put it on my bill!’ … because I’m a duck!"

Sheesh, tough room.

Um, we’ll let you know, Natalie G.

It Happens Every Time …

It never fails:  You bring home that stylin’ new HGLÄGTH bookshelf from IKEA, save the packing material, organize all the pieces neatly, follow all the instructions to the letter — and when it’s all put together, you still have that one kitty left over. [Seinfeld voice] I mean, what is the deal with that?

DIS KIBBLES TASTE FUNY

Keep it, Shannon G., you might need it later.

What’s That, You Say? A Waffle?

"Why, for goodness sakes, it IS a waffle!  And to think, when I sat down here, purely at random and for no particular reason, I had no idea that there would be a waffle nearby — and yet, here is a waffle!  How mysterious the mechanisms of Fate must seem to someone such as I, who likes a nice waffle on occasion, to find one’s gaze suddenly and for no reason fixed upon … but hark, I think there’s someone at the door!  I’ll bet it’s those nice Publisher’s Clearinghouse people with a really big check!"

OK, stay calm ... exude nonchalance ... I think he's buying it ...

Riiiiiiiiiiight, Kyle C.

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